I probably won't be able to go through surgery for another several years. But I was wondering about HRT. I plan to visit a gender therapist as soon as I can. I don't want to end up regretting my decision. I worry that it won't give me the look I imagine myself having or problems arising preventing me from being able to take T. Not only that but as I mention previously I worry about being only half male.
A gender therapist will be able to help you decide if transition is the best path for you or if there is an alternative route that will work better for you. Transition is nothing to take lightly, since many changes cannot be reversed. What do you see yourself doing in the future? Is T something that you would want to take. Another thing to remember too is that you cannot pick and choose the effects that you would like to have. You will most likely have all of the effects when/if you start on T. So, that is something to keep in mind too.
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/161770-im-confused-who-i-am-help.html#3 http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#4 I'd say take your time... (*hug*)
For what it's worth after 4 years HRT and top surgery I then come to realize that I'm not 100% male either. But all my decisions were the right ones. I saw an article about a guy who takes a low dose of testosterone to maintain a more androgynous appearance. For me even on a full dose I still look pretty androgynous. You have options and you won't be able to make major decisions without the counsel of a professional. I've also known several people who identify as non-binary and are on HRT so there's no obligation to be 100% male to go on HRT. The important thing is make sure you trust and have a good gender therapist (I know options are often limited though) and reach out to the FTM community around you, which the gender therapist will likely be able to inform you of groups. Plus never, ever, ever feel that you HAVE to act, identify, or be a certain way to be on HRT or have surgery.
