This is a letter I'm going to send my parents in an email. Despite being out to them I don't think I could feel anymore closeted. Tell me what you think. ************************************************** Mom and Dad, I have tried to give you guys space, but I can't live this lie anymore. I can't have you guys be willfully oblivious. The hope it goes away approach is hurting me. Rather than using the blunt force direct approach I simply am going to send you a few links to read about transgender people so you can get to know me for who and what I am. Read these then talk to me. I'm not living in the shadows anymore and want you to see me for me. -Kasey http://community.pflag.org/Document.Doc?id=202 PFLAG National Trans Etiquette for Non-Trans People | Matt Kailey's Tranifesto
Hi there! Writing an e-mail and including links to information that your parents could read, sounds like a great plan! Hopefully, they will read it, and that it will help in them starting to understand you better. I just made a small change, indicated in read. I wonder though if you wanted to say a bit more about how you feel and what your hopes are? It is obvious but reinforcing it, and sending the links, would be (I think) a bit more powerful.
I guess the issue is... Well as how I was speaking to my gender therapist is to not force the issue. They have already told me that I shouldn't present female around them out of respect to them. I told them I've spared your feelings at the expense of my own and that I'm not coming home for the summer if I have to go into the closet. Basically this is ... I don't want to say passive, but at least something that makes them address it. I'm not doing anything over this break, but I am grumpy and I am pissed off. I'm sure they know why but aren't addressing me. Basically I'm pissed off and feeling trapped.
I think it's a good idea and a very neutral letter. This is the kind of situation where maybe it's good to not make it emotional. And you do need to do something. If they're in the mind frame of "ignore it and maybe it'll go away", and you aren't being you to respect them or make things easier on them, they will just ignore it. You have to do something or it'll be like you never came out at all. :S
Yes exactly. I'm trying to walk the fine line here, but I'm getting to the point that if they don't want to give me a chance, they will lose me.
I think it's great. It's serious about the message and is calling them out for not being supportive like they should. Let us know how it goes when you do send it
I was told at the tender age of 16 "I'm not going out with you unless you cover your head", so I feel you on this... Being living on a lie since... Damn, since I can remember... Enough is enough, that is what I think. Nobody, not even your parents, have a right to take away from you your true identity, your right to happiness. "Respect to them"? What about your self respect, your own well being? The links are excellent, and the letter is good, so the rest is on them. I came out to my father a few weeks ago, and even if he said the magic words ("I love you and I'll always be at your side, no matter what"), there is a difference between talking and going outside with the real me, in front of everybody. Is on that situation where real acceptance is shown, not only with cheesy words and hugs in private... (And I'm afraid he is right now on the denial stage by the way : Keeps using feminine pronouns and the rest)
I think its good. I personally would include the following points: - that its biological. Transgender brains are wired this way, so its not going away. - if looking in my eyes, you can clearly see a girl. This is what I am. - they may have various fears holding them back. I'd like to adress them all personally later. Others have succeeded in this all, so it can be done. - there are estimates of 1 in 400 people being trans, from a survey that being 700 tsd people in the us. A lot of people are doing this nowadays. Its not like even 10 yrs ago. - you are still the same. you will be like your female twin sister, but you need this to be yourself. Well but you know them best... so its your choice... (*hug*)(*hug*)
I am feeling trapped. I never felt this way before. But it feels like I'm being denied who I am by being here. This will be the longest time I've had to present male in over 5 months. I cannot imagine being like this the whole summer. I really get the dysphoria that other trans people feel. All I can think of is this being over and going home. I don't want to go out. I hate being seen as male. It just reinforces everything I don't want to be seen as.
