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Dysphoria talking or...?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Chriswe, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. Chriswe

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    So, I'm on vacation in Florida, currently in Orlando. It's a pretty big change to come from what I'm used to. I've been looking forward to this for such a long, long time.
    Today we went to a huge mall where I planned to buy a whole lot of new clothes (especially masculine clothes), but the minute I stepped inside my brain kind of crashed. A wave of panic came over me and I just felt "I can't. I need to get out of here. Now. I can buy clothes at home or on the Internet. People are here. I NEED to get out of this place."

    I was there with my parents so I couldn't just run out of the mall of course, but luckily I got out of there pretty fast. But why did I panic like that? I mean it might've been the gender dysphoria talking but I'm not sure. It felt like something else.
    I didn't have a binder on, but some unisex-ish clothes. It shouldn't have been too bad dysphoria...

    I do have pretty big social problems though. I hate talking to people I don't know (who am I kidding, people in general), if I'm out to long will most likely get a headache and most of the time I feel the need to just flee back to my cozy warm bed and watch the people I love on YouTube. But I can't remember anytime it's been like this. Do any of you know what it might've been? Do you think it was just dysphoria? Has this happened to any of you? I'm clueless, help... :help:
     
  2. confuzzled82

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    The feeling is thinking all eyes are on you. Doesn't matter that they weren't. Malls can be scary. Especially if you are where you can be seen by people you know but aren't out to. (You say you were there with your parents, and your profile says you aren't out at all) The strange thing is, you generally don't care what people you don't know think.
     
  3. ctrl alt delete

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    that sounds a lot like what I experience dysphoria as, its just a desire to be away from peoples eyes, to retreat into my own world, like the internet etc. so I don't have to deal with people misgendering me. And I get much worse dysphoria when I'm in a public place or a new place.

    Its usually a panic or this really deep unease or anxiety, I'm suddenly hyper aware of my body and it feels like I'm under attack from peoples opinions.

    I also get it worse around this time of year around family members, they just seem to have these attitudes toward me they can't change no matter how many times I bring it up. And then I feel like a jerk bringing things up all the time during the holidays.

    It can feel a lot like general anxiety which I have had issues with as well but its different cause its so focused on my body and peoples perceptions of me and its triggered by things like gender labels.

    what I do with my clothes or my make up certainly helps calm me down, I'm sure its the same as wearing a binder etc. My experience with bad dysphoria is that it usually lasts about a day and then the next day its calmed down again.
     
  4. jay777

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    I would say its a few things coming together...
    being in another place... being used to be more solitary, and antennas all out looking for new things...
    next time you might take a few deep breaths, try to deliberately look at your hands, try to be in the moment...
    and remember to make it an enjoyable experience...


    (*hug*)
     
  5. ctrl alt delete

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    hey dude, so just a thought, you seem to think that it might be something other than dysphoria and you say that you get headaches after being out with people and that you have trouble relating to people in general. Have you ever considered you might be an aspie? A pretty big part of being one is that you find social situations tiring because your brain is hard wired a little differently. (its a personality/ development thing, just like with dyslexia, bpd etc). :slight_smile:
    Just a thought as being diagnosed as being one really helped me understand myself. I could, of course, be way off
     
  6. Chriswe

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    Thank you for your wonderful replies everyone! Ctrl alt delete, I am unsure about autism. I've thought about it before, but a lot of the symptoms just doesn't fit into how I feel/am. I've actually thought more about anxiety lately... But I do have a tendency to overthink things and I love coming up with diagnoses for myself, so I might just be overreacting. I am going to ask my consular, when I come back to school, what she thinks about it. My parents absolutely hate when I say "I think I might have this becuase..." so I don't really want to mention it to them. They love to normalise me. Is that even a word? It is now.
     
  7. Wildside

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  8. JustJJx

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    This used to happen to me on a daily basis when i would leave the house a few years ago, I know how you feel *hugs* But it will get better x
     
  9. ctrl alt delete

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    Thats cool, and it is a very specific thing that people can overuse to describe personalities they see as a-typical. I would be wary if you think you don't have it because of something you've read on the internet though. there is a lot of very confusing and frankly false information about autism and aspergers out there (even from sources that would normally be pretty trustworthy). Its very much to do with your social development and it doesn't have anything to do with maleness, high intelligence, or being supremely logical which are some common stereotypes. For instance I would see myself as being a very emotional person who cares very deeply about things like kids and other people, which is pretty far from sheldon on the big bang theory :slight_smile:
     
    #9 ctrl alt delete, Dec 30, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2014