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Feeling very lost and confused

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by aumakua, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. aumakua

    Regular Member

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    Hello everyone. I'm new to these forums and this is my first post.

    I am male bodied, in my mid thirties. I started seeing a therapist about 4 months ago to deal with some anxity and anger issues which I assumed were related to come childhood abuse and truama. After a few months of sessions I came to realize that my anxiety and anger could have another source...

    While reading up on some of the feelings I had, I came accross the term 'gender dysphoria' something immediately clicked. My entire life I have felt different from those around me and isolated but I thought I was the only one who felt the way I did and never really had a good explanation for it. It never occurred to me that I could be female on the inside and have a male body.

    As a result of this revelation I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. It's like the sense of self I've had my entire life is just gone. I've discussed this with my therapist and she feels that I should continue to explore these feelings so I will continue with that for now. There is a part of me that finds it completely unbelieveable that this even possible or could happen to me and another part that feels like deep down I've known all along that I'm female on the inside.

    If anyone can relate or provide support in any way it would be much appreciated.
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Be aware that you are not the only one.
    A lot of people went through this, and they succeeded in reaching their goals.

    You might have a look at this, and similar threads:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...9807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4

    You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want. There might be events and courses at lgbt centers, and there even might be support groups.

    I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision, and it can be fun along the way... exploring and trying out new things, playing with styles...

    Its a lot of information... I'd say take your time...

    If you have questions, just ask... people here will support you...


    (*hug*)
     
    #2 jay777, Dec 28, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2014
  3. MsEmmzy

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
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    Out to everyone
    Your story sounds pretty similar to mine (minus the part about anger therapy). My advice would be to just keep exploring your feelings. At the end of the day only you can really know who you are and it just takes time sometimes to figure it out.

    Just keep in mind that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Take some serious time to think about your situation. The last thing you'd want is to come out as transgender then later realise that you actually aren't.

    From what I've heard, gender therapists can really help.. I couldn't actually tell you though as I don't have any experience with them.

    I know how you feel, just hang in there! There's plenty of great users on EC who can help. Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  4. aumakua

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    Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely not rushing to any judgements and trying to keep an open mind about my feelings. Honestly, at the moment I'm very scared and disturbed by them. But something tells me that I should continue in spite of my fear. I feel as if I try to box them up and carry on as if they aren't there is really not going to lead to my long term happiness.