My dysphoria has been worse lately than normal and I'm just so sick of all this. My mom won't use male pronouns for me or a new name either because she "thinks it would be weird right now." She also admitted that she'll always "think of me weird" and never fully consider me to be a guy :bang: All I really want is to transition but at this point it looks like that won't happen for a while because my mom doesn't want me to do it yet. At this point I don't care if I have to come out in high school and face transphobic BS I just want it to happen but my mom doesn't want me to until I go to college. Everything is just so frustrating right now, my mom won't buy me any male clothes at the moment and she keeps talking about how I don't fit in with other guys at all. One thing she kept pointing out was some of the stuff in my room that was kind of girly (like I have sheets with a cat design on them) She says that guys wouldn't have that stuff but she's the one who bought it for me. Most of the girly stuff in my room was a present from her or someone else :tantrum: She doesn't seem to take me very seriously either and she keeps making jokes about it or trying to delay me from doing stuff and I feel like she doesn't realize how much pain she's causing me. I feel like I'll never get to transition but I'm so tired of this I feel like giving up. Sorry for the rant I just don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff.
She can't invalidate or change your identity, and she can only hurt you if you let her in. Don't. Stop listening to her. Ignore her remarks. You don't owe her, or anyone else, anything. If they don't accept the real you, that is their problem, not yours. Don't expect anything from anyone, it's the only way to stop feeling hurt and dissapointed. Pack that girly stuff on a box and put that box outside your room. If she says something, remind her of her own words. Try not to spend your time at home : Get a job, join a club, anything but being close to her.
I similar feelings right now. We are what we are. Others can call us sofas or elephants but that doesn't make us sofas or elephants. It is frustrating in any case. It would be weird if you were not frustrated in your situation. Hang in there. Don't let her words get to you. As Vodkabaret said, try to get out of the house as much as possible. There is nothing wrong with girly stuff by the way. I own tons of girly sheets and I like them.
I don't know what to tell ya, I jus googled a bunch o' stuff: How to Deal With Transphobic Parents: 8 Steps (with Pictures) 6 Steps to Explaining Your Transgender* Identity to Your Immigrant Family Resources for Gender Identity Would your mom be open to going to family therapy with you, or a gender therapist, or something? I'm sure gender therapists have plenty of experience with this, and although ideally your mom would just take you at your word (who knows you better than you?) transgenderism has been pathologized for years, so hearing from a professional therapist that it is no longer considered a phase or a pathology but rather an innate trait might help your mom overcome ingrained transphobia.
I think it is best to try your hardest to explain to your parents that no matter what they do it won't change you. I think it's just your mother's way of trying to prevent you from being trans. My mom does the same thing and keeps bringing up things about me that she thinks would make me a poor guy.
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 The first pdf is a resource for the british national health service. So its a recognized and reputable source. People not familiar with the subject should really consider the things stated there. It explains that there probably are biological causes, meaning it is not their fault and it is likely not to go away. And it explains dysphoria. I personally would show this and explain... but you know them best, so its your decision... You might explain them your feelings and ask them for support. You might say you want to explore with hairstyle and clothing style. Because you feel this is you. Concerning girly stuff, you might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#4 We might have male and female sides. They are part of you and have nothing to do with your gender expression. Meaning you simply need to look as male as you feel comfortable with. You might ask a counselor at school, or ask directly for counseling with a gender therapist. You might look for a lgbt center, maybe they could be contacted via phone or email. Keep on keeping on... sometimes we have to be stubborn... (*hug*)(*hug*)
