Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm kind of kidding myself on, like a bit if a snap realisation. I wonder if the "disphoria" I've felt is genuine or if it's something I created. Being around trans people, I've felt like that's not what I am, but I'll look back and think it was maybe a lack of confidence. I feel quite bad about thinking I could be trans when maybe I'm not and there are people out there who are really struggling. Yet, I've had autoandrophilic fantasies, there've been times I'm not comfortable with my body, and had bad anxiety/panic and depression. I see people, process things differently depending on what I tell myself I am, so I should learn to just think what I think, which could help. Is it possible to question your gender and turn out to not be transgender? Maybe I just don't want it on my mind all the time. I'm worried I'm bringing an unnecessary situation into my family's lives. Yet, I remember a month or so ago thinking - after a trans rememberance night funnily enough - feeling that wasn't me, and then going home and feeling different. I then watched a film and felt like I couldn't have a disconnection from the male characters/men. And recently I was in a LGBT sex toy shop and bought a packer. I had a talk with myself as to what size I wanted and even if I wanted to buy it. I feel a bit like I wish I hadn't brought this on myself, but if I'm not cis I guess it was inevitable. Can people think they're trans when they're not? Can disphoria be created by some? I know the human mind is very powerful.
I'm exactly like this. I've got a therapist who's been helping me. Maybe you could find one, too? Otherwise, you'll just have to wait it out and see.
It's totally possible; I think I'm going through a similar thing. It's possible you're cis, or genderqueer, or trans but trying to reason it away, or trans but your dysphoria is different from other transmen's dysphoria. Not every trans person has the same exact issues with their bodies. And sometimes passing is about feeling safe by not being read as a queer female-bodied person but a cis male. And if you feel safe, or if you don't feel all the dysphorias that other people feel, you don't have to fully transition. Or maybe you don't even need to be seen as male in order to be happy, and genderqueer suits you just fine. If you're feeling overly worried about it, try taking a step back and taking some time away from transitioning; when you wake up in the morning put on neutral clothes, focus on longer-term projects, do other things that make you happy, and minimize the anxiety you feel. Maybe what you feel after your anxiety subsides will be a more honest view of your gender.
