Hello there, guys! o/ I have always identified myself as a girl or more a boyish girl since my behaviour and my interests aren't always that ladylike as you'd expect of a girl. But I've started to question my gender identity about a week ago and I'm thinking of being genderfluid or something like that. Well, I try to describe my feelings. I hope it's more or less understandable since my English skills aren't the very best...! So, when I was little, I had some kind of phases when I always wanted to be a boy, but my mother and my older sister always told me "No, you are a girl. Be a girl." So this phase ended sooner or later. But my boyish behaviour and appearance didn't disappear. If you look at me, I look like an ordinary girl at first sight. I have long hair (Because I love long hair) and I sometimes like to wear feminine clothing. But most of the time I prefer more boyish or neutral clothing. I never wear skirts. If I wear something feminine, I wear dresses because I can't resist wearing a gorgeous dress. I also like nail polish very much. But I am not interested in make up. I would never ever show lot of skin. I just feel more comfortable when I wear boyish clothes. I don't know, it just makes me more comfortable and happy. When I take a glance at my behaviour, I am not really sure about my gender identity. My sister tells me all the time that I walk or sit like a boy and not very feminine. I am very polite towards grown-ups, but when I am not with adults, I tend to swear a lot which is (according to my aunt) a typical characteristic of boys. If we take a look at my relationships, I hate drama. I haven't argued with my friends for a long time while some girls tend to make a lot of drama (some of my female friends really make some simple situations to a real drama and I hate this). But if I look at my friends, there are almost girls only. There are 1 gay and 2 straight boys (one of the straight ones is my boyfriend, but I think my sexuality/romantic identity won't tell much about my gender identity, right...?) But now we come to the point that really made me questioning whether I see myself as a girl or not: My boyfriend tends to call me "the most beautiful woman on earth" or "the greatest girl in the world" and I don't really feel comfortable about being called a girl or woman. I just...don't really like it and I don't really feel addressed when I get called like this. (But I have never told my boyfriend that I am struggling with my gender identity) Another thing is that I often feel like "Nah, these boobs are annoying, but I don't want to have a penis either." or "Wow, I love my (small) boobs today!" or "I wonder how it would be if I had a penis." But when I think about having a penis, I imagine that it would be weird or uncomfortable...! I often play with the thought about being a boy in society. Looking like a (more girlish) boy and being treated like a boy... So...maybe anyone of you can help me out? Am I genderfluid or just a boyish girl? Or am I a totally different gender identity?
It might help you to look at a list of gender identities with definitions. In this post I defined a few: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...4098-gender-identity-problem.html#post2448939 There are a lot of them though. :lol:
Honestly after reading what you've written I'd say you're some form of genderfluid. If anything I'd say you and I are opposite sides of the same coin in some regards. For example, I don't hate being a boy, but at the same time being a girl just seems so much better. Do you feel like that? Let me ask you a question: Do you think you'd thrive if you lived in a society that didn't have gender roles? Essentially a society where girls could wear loose clothes and guys could wear skirts and no one thinks anything of it.
@YuriCore: Thanks for the link, I'll take a look at it ^-^ @WyldStyle: I actually feel kind of like what you've described. I sometimes like being a girl, but being a boy seems to be better. Or something in between...! Well, I guess I would feel much more comfortable in such a kind of society. My mother and my sister wouldn't complain anymore about my less girlish behaviour and maybe I could go to the boy's clothing section and buy some stuff xD
Well then you're on the same page as me for sure. I became genderfluid because while I'm fine being a guy, I really really like the concept of being a girl, because in my opinion I like the way they're socially allowed to dress and I like the concept of being in the female gender roles. However, if those gender roles weren't there, I feel like there would be a lot less anxiety for me, as I could act/dress how I wanted without being judged or without having to assume the role of the opposite sex.
True. If there weren't any gender roles...I think there would be much to many freedom given and it would be a bit awkward. But if we wouldn't be used to a world supressed by gender roles...I guess it wouldn't be such a big problem for us, then...right? :eusa_thin
Behavior doesn't necessarily mean gender identity. Identity is how you identify, how you feel inside. Behavior is just what you do. Boys can do stereotypically girl things and still consider themselves boys and vice versa. Even people can present themselves as masculine and still identify as female, or present themselves as feminine and still identify as male. That part you wrote that kind of caught my eye is the idea of being perceived as a boy by society and being uncomfortable being referred to as a girl or woman. In the end, only you can identify yourself. I would suggest expressing yourself how you want and just being you. Then I think how you prefer to identify yourself will emerge.
Also true, the world would be very different if there were no gender roles. Anyways, while you don't seem drastically unhappy as a girl, I get the impression that you believe you'd be happier if you had been born a girl. Is that accurate?
Well, I actually often feel unhappy as a girl. Sometimes I'm happy about it and sometimes I really hate it because the society demands girls to have a special appearance like shaved legs and other stuff. It simply changes.
Are you unhappy, or uncomfortable? Do you feel depression and dysphoria over your feminine aspects, or is it more of an anxiety over your desires to be more masculine?
