First of all I want to just say that masturbation is a common thing, almost everyone does it from time to time, so don't judge me as being especially disgusting or something. With that out of the way, let's get right to it. I'm in my teens right now, the period when hormones and such things are going wild. I am a male who had thought I had figured out who I was and what I wanted to be, but that was certainly not the case. I've thought that I have been gay for about one year now, but now they are coming back, new strange thoughts and urges, messing up all my previous thoughts and feelings. One thing is for certain, I do like men, that I /know/ but I am not sure of my gender anymore. As a child I never were a fan of toy-barbie-dolls or any kind of doll for that matter and I never had a single thought of putting on a dress or something like that. I were always playing with the regular "boy toys" such as cars and monster trucks, those things considered "tougher". I sometimes watch porn, usually when there is a women and atleast one man. Recently when I watch those sort of videos, I look at the womens body and strangely, I am jealous. A body made to reproduce and attracting the majority of males and the minority of females out there. I am attracted to it aswell, but not in the way I think I thought I was before, no, I want that body, to be able to give birth and just generally have all the aspects of the female body, it justs seems like the best thing ever. I can't explain why it seems like the best thing ever, to be honest I can't find a word for it. I enjoy both the company of boys and girls, my closest friends are girls and the others boys. I feel awkward around both though, hanging out with boys I just don't feel at home, some use gay quotes and such on a regular basis which just makes me feel naturally awkward, but some nice and friendly guys I love being around obviously. With girls however it is different though, I feel at home with them by the things I like talking about but I feel extremely rude? Not sure how to describe the feeling, I feel like a sweaty bag och potatoes next to Three flower pots when I hang out with them, and one of the girls that I do not like being around mock me and say "Love is in the air.", when she says that I just leave and go back to the "second class" with the boys, that just feels all around filthier. I would much appreciate if any of you guys could leave some advice/help if you feel experienced enough with the topic that you feel like you can help me. Also sorry for my spelling and grammar. :help:
Well, I guess a major question to ask yourself right now is whether or not you're comfortable with your current body. As a trans-girl myself, I also get this jealous feeling quite often. So too do I understand the feeling of being more comfortable around girls, but that also increasing self-awareness and feelings of ugliness. There's definitely a possibility you are trans, but make sure you fully explore the gender spectrum first and see if there's any label that just seems to click. Maybe you're a demi-girl, or a cross dresser or maybe you ARE trans! All of these are okay. You're 13. You have plenty of time to figure this out. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!
Youre definetly not alone in your feelings! I can definetly relate to wanting a feminine body and to be able to turn heads, and reproduce. Were here to help you
Thanks for the response. I am not really comfortable with my body right now, I feel awkward going in on what parts I am uncomfortable with but I can go in on one which is just the fact that the mens body is just stronger and more muscular for some reason, I get annoyed when my mother tells me I could be "really muscular" if I would go train, but I don't want to train, I don't feel any kind of need to be extremely muscular or stronger than someone, I like being feminine. Not masculine.
OMG, someone has finally put this into words! I'm a trans guy, and even when I'm forced to present as female I feel different - less delicate, and more like a clunky man. I actually like that feeling, because, well, I'm a dude - but occasionally I'll feel a little wave of vague "straight guy" guilt.
I can relate to all of that as well. It seems to me like you are trans, but like I said earlier, if you have a question, feel free to ask!
A woman's body is softer and all about the curves while the man's body is more squarish and hard. I can relate to what you feel because the lack of curves on my own body is a source of constant dysphoria. I have a corset for that, though. I see you live in Sweden like me and we actually have really good support for transgenders here so if you could talk to a psychiatrist I think they could help you figure out what you want and help you get there. You are only 13 though and can't just decide to go to a psychiatrist without your parents knowing, so if you aren't out and not ready to evacuate the closet yet it will be difficult to do.
A friend of mine knows pretty much everything, we are opened minded and try to help eachother out, sadly i feel extremely uncomfortable hanging out with her cause some "fjolla" always teases me by basicaly assuming i'm in love with her, saying things such as: "Love is in the air" and "Get a room". -.- Edit: By the way welcome to EC! ^-^
A friend like that is worth their weight in gold, do not let go of her. If somebody decides to be immature about it then fuck him. Not literally (unless you -really- wanna freak him out) but you're 13 and people your age are just ignorant and immature. They'll do that stuff, but you and your friend, you're ahead of the curve. Just phase him out, he's only making himself look like an idiot. Alternatively, kiss your friend in front of him, that'll shut him up. Nah, I'm just kidding. Though it would probably work. Thanks for welcoming me. I've enjoyed my time here so far.
