I chickened out. I had an excellent opportunity to tell my mother that i'm a girl so i could finally do something about it. But that was weeks ago, now i'm sitting at my computer at 12am wondering why i'm still alive-If you could call this hell i'm in living-. I have actually planed out my suicide many different ways now but there is one i really like, it involves me going out before sunrise with a bottle of gasoline, making my way to my high school's humongous concrete bleachers and watching one last sunrise over the ocean just before drinking the fatal bottle of gasoline. Honestly i don't know why i'm posting this, maybe some small part of me still has hope for a better future, that maybe one of you can talk me out of this, but it must be pretty small because i don't feel it. As for the tittle, it relates to my first post about being able to cry after years of not being able to. It now seems as though i can't again. [Comment from my emotion void Aspergers side]: Adams song would be a great soundtrack for my life if this was a movie/tv-show. Also 'Remember everything' by FFDP would be good to
Don't kill yourself. If you kill yourself it's over and any chance of any improvement is gone. I know that sometimes it feels like it is too much and that's the only way out, but it's not--it's just the easy way out. Instead, fight. Fight with fists, teeth and nails to get through whatever problems you have and then, years from now, you will have become a stronger person for it. It's cruel to your close ones too. All of them will ask themselves "could I have stopped this?" And start blaming themselves. Speaking from experience.
Please look for help immediately. Here are resources: Trans lifeline Life is not a ready solution. It sometimes involves experimentation. You missed a chance of coming out. So what ? There will be others, and this gave you the opportunity to know that you would like to come out. It also gives you the opportunity to think about what to say. You might have a look here for thoughts of others. Some people come out via a letter, which gives them time to sum up their thoughts. I want to come out Just hang in there, it will get better. (*hug*)
If you are still looking for a sign, this is the sign. You aren't alone, I have felt that low and those ways. But every time something stops me and I'm so grateful it does. Please we are here and we will listen (technically read) your problems and try to help.
Um..Did i really post this? Talk about awkward, cause today i feel fine and actually optimistic about the future. I guess i had a bad day yesterday.... Probably because my dad was kinda being a bit pissy, not because of me but that doesn't matter to him, he is also trying to force me to get a haircut because iv'e gotten it pretty long. He was probably like that because he had to do a four hour road trip, which i understand cause i don't like long car rides either. uhm... so, sorry i worried you guys cause i'm good now. Edit: Also still have to figure out a way to get out of this haircut.
Whatever you feel, whatever you do or plan to do, remember you are not on your own. Don't give up now.
I'm glad to hear you are feeling much better today. I'm actually in the same situation about the haircut thing while I'm visiting my parents so I know how you feel. Good luck with that.
It's good to hear you're feeling better. As for your hair, why not simply ask him what's wrong with it? At the very least, try to compromise. You know like, "I'll cut it, but only this short" sort of deal. Anyway, as I said it really good to know that you're feeling better. I was pretty worried :/ Good luck with the haircut. (*hug*)
Ha, i wish my hair was that long. I guess i should have explained that by long i mean it only almost covers my ears (which is long for me), leaving only the lobes exposed. Oddly enough though he seems to have forgotten about the haircut . So that's a good thing i suppose.
