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Should I come out?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by NekoAlex, Jan 5, 2015.

  1. NekoAlex

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello. Lately, I've been considering coming out and starting transition, but I feel that people won't accept me. In my country, transgender people are seen as freaks and are made fun of by everyone. My family is also very closed-minded and conservative. I'm afraid that if I come out I will lose my friends, my family and everything else I have. I'm in university and I'm still financially dependant on my parents, I also don't want to become an outcast again and be bullied like I was during my whole school life. But I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, I'm tired of being seen as a girl and my dysphoria is getting worse and worse with each day. Sometimes, when someone asks me why I dress like a boy and why wouldn't I put something pretty and act more ladylike I just want to scream at them "Because I AM a boy". I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose everything I have in my life, but I just can't stand hiding my true self anymore. I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me crazy, it even affected my performance in university, because I can't concentrate on my studies. Maybe I should just wait until I graduate and find a job, which will be after 2 years, and probobly move to another country or what?
     
  2. Lazuri

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    This is a dance that many a transgender knows well.

    I get your frustration of not being able to truly be yourself and I think that you should come out, but I think timing is important.

    Closet evacuations can go bad and if things would end badly, you want a way out. If you're still financially dependant on your parents and strongly suspect that you coming out won't be taken that well, you might want to consider waiting until you can stand on your own two legs.

    I know that "wait" is one of the worst words for transgenders, but things can get worse.

    It's also possible that you expect a much harsher outcome than what you'd be likely to be getting. But personally I like to be sure.

    Though it might be worth to find another person that's okay with it or maybe even willing to help you. A single person with whom you can be yourself when everybody fills you with doubt is like a sanctuary.

    That's just my opinion though and I'm sure there will be others. Keep fighting the good fight.
     
  3. BradThePug

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    I also agree that timing is important, because you do not want to put yourself in a situation that is worse than the one that you are in now. You don't want to come out in a confrontational way, because this will not end well for anybody involved. Anger just creates more anger.

    It may be best for you to wait, but while you are waiting find some people that are accepting of transgender people. This way, you can at least be yourself around some people.
     
  4. PlantSoul

    Regular Member

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    Wait until you're self-dependent or see if you can transfer to a university in a more open minded country. That way, you'll be given the leg room to come out and be yourself in safety.
     
  5. NekoAlex

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    He
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    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you for the answers, people. I was also thinking that for now it will be best to wait, but sometimes I just feel that the waiting period is too long and that I wouldn't be able to keep everything in until then. I think I should try to find someone, who I'm sure he's ok with it and come out only to them, so I can be myself at least with one person, but even if I don't find this person, I would have to cope with this situation for the next 2-3 years. It's probably the best decision for now, even if it's frustrating.
     
  6. Lazuri

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    Sorry, man. In a perfect world, nobody would have to wait for something that should be a basic right, but this is how it still works in most places.

    I'm sure everything will eventually work out for you in the end.
     
    #6 Lazuri, Jan 6, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2015