I'm a 14 year old cis female and I think I'm having some gender problems. To get one thing clear I like being female with she/her pronouns, so I'm not really interested in anything like becoming trans-male. But one thing I've noticed is how much I hate my boobs. When I look in the mirror with my body turned sideways I don't like the way my body looks; my boobs are pretty big and my body has definitely blossomed a lot in puberty. Something I've noticed lately is how much I just want it to be flat, like a boys chest. Not even a simple reduction, just completely flat. I don't really wanna wear a binder, because then I just feel like I'm hiding parts of my body and bras irritate me anyway. Having kind of a crisis right now because I know that boobs are not a part of who I am. They just feel like extra baggage that I don't want. Something that really hit home was I remembered when I was around 6 and I played with my male cousin. I loved taking my shirt off, like a dude and another example is when I was playing outside with my dad and I had my shirt off, because I wanted to be like him and felt comfortable doing that. Whenever I first started to get boobs I don't remember really caring, but being excited to try out a bra. The other night I was home alone and I took my shirt off when I was relaxing in my room, and it just felt right. Except for the big hunk of boobs that were in the way and were keeping me from being happy in a way. To be honest I see myself (soul-wise) as just a person sometimes. I don't feel male or female, just me, who happens to have she/her pronouns. But also wants to be flat-chested (and I am admittedly tomboyish; short hair and unisexual Tshirts) And the most sucky part is I want to get rid of my boobs one day, but I might have to wait until I'm out of school..but yeah the question is: what freakin gender am I? What does this mean? Does this make me gender-queer?? It's all so complicated and it brings me down cuz I don't really have anyone to talk about it with right now who would understand and not assume things about me.
You might have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/163050-adrogyne-adrogynous.html#2 I'd say take your time... ask if you have further questions... people will try to support you... You might play a bit with hairstyle and clothing style... sweaters one or two sizes bigger, unisex or mens trousers, etc... what you feel comfortable with... there are threads on ftm clothing... it can be really fun... You might for example talk to a gender therapist, a counselor from school or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want... saying you want some counseling... is there a gsa at your school ? I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision... There is no only one right way to do this. Its your choice what you want to do... and build some community on EC, for now you can chat with others via wall messages, after 14 days you can apply for full membership and join the chat and send private messages... http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/164130-other-trans-friends.html (*hug*)
As jay777 said, you sound to me like someone who's fairly androgynous. Not everyone fits the gender binary, and that's perfectly fine.
It is not unusual for more androgynously or masculinely presenting women to not like their boobs. And as for you not really feeling any gender, a lot of cis people don't really feel their gender very strongly. You sound cis to me. I would say that as long as the label female feels comfortable, stick with it. If she/her feels comfortable, stick with it. But if you read this and feel that you disagree, if you find yourself wishing I had suggested you look into nonbinary identities, than continue exploring your gender. What you described feeling certainly can describe a perfectly normal way for cis people to feel, but it can also describe the experiences of some genderqueer/agender/etc people. Only you can know what your gender really is.
I would really love some counseling about it, but as far as I know there's not really any support groups or counselors that I know around where I live. (It is[I ]texas) I'd normally talk to my mom but I'm not ready to tell her until I have stuff figured out a little more. I guess I'll stick to wall messages till I can maybe talk to a specialist or something like that.
Ima look more into whatever androgynous is..any simple facts that you know about what it means? ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2015 at 05:47 PM ---------- She/her doesn't bother me cuz I guess that's what I've grown up with. I don't think id like being called he/him. Doesn't feel right to me I guess cuz I remember being mistaken for a guy when I hadn't hit puberty yet and I didn't like it. But I still have the desire to look masculine-ish. Also what it agender? Is that the same as androgynous? ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2015 at 05:50 PM ---------- Also thank you for the links and stuff
Actually not masculine but like somewhere in-between? Idk I guess for example the most I've expressed myself is with a game where I could create a very very detailed avatar and I've always liked looking flat-chested with a pretty feminine face but also with clothes that are unisex/men's clothes. So kind of boyish but not full-on masculinity.. Also with short hair of course
Agender would mean without a distinct gender, Androgynous would mean both male and female (thats its literal meaning). What you describe might be called a tomboy... The Difference between Androgyny and Tomboyishness (*hug*)
Thanks for the help everyone, Ima see how things feel and go over my years into adulthood. You helped a lot so thank you ^.^
