There are so many places to begin, that honestly, I don't even know where to start. But I guess clothing is the easiest one. -I dress in unisex shirts and jeans. Normally they are fandom related, though not always. Partially this is due to my weight (I'm extremely insecure even though I'm nowhere near obese), however the majority of it is because I'm most comfortable that way. I've always gravitated to the "male" section of clothing stores, though I cannot wear their jeans due to my hourglass figure and large butt. -I've always wanted to wear cologne, though I learned at an early age that that was not "acceptable" because its only for "boys." -My dreams alternate from me being in a male form to a female form; it literally changes mid-dream. -I've always wanted typical "boy" haircuts; short and messy. But it's not feminine, which is an issue socially. -Sometimes I feel like maybe I should have been born a man. -Half the time I wear the unisex shirts that somewhat hide my D-cups because I feel how I call "butch" that day. Loose jeans, unisex/male-section shirt, no makeup, etc. There's a lot more to this list, but I'm getting really anxious at the moment. I'm irrationally worried about something that I KNOW it is okay to be, but I also know that others will judge me for this. I'm already a bisexual agnostic which is bad enough in the eyes of my family and society (and they only know about the agnostic part), but genderfluid? I'd just be opening the door to: "Oh, so now you're a tranny too?" I'm scared, I'm worried, please help me understand. I KNOW that I can come to terms with being genderfluid, but I'm still extremely nervous about this whole deal. (And by the way, this has been going on since I was a young child.) :help:
It's a little hard for me to tell. From what I read, you want to break gender norms and do things that are more masculine. However, it doesn't seem like you have much of a feminine side to begin with. With being genderfluid, you fluctuate between the two genders based on situation/preference/whatever. So some days you'll be a guy and you'll be happy with it, then you'll want to be a girl, and you'll be happy with that too. Are you happy as a girl? Do your desires to be masculine come in waves? If so, you may be genderfluid. If you're not really interested in being feminine you might just be trans, but i'm not 100% sure. That's for you to decide.
Trust me, I like to dress as a girl. (There's mental illness involved with me: depression.) But honestly it's too much. I'm lucky if I get out of my pajamas. I love heels, and dresses too...sometimes. And sometimes I go out of my way to gel my bangs and wear baggier clothes. My posture and way of walking even changes due to how I'm feeling that day. When I'm feeling like a male, I tend to swagger a little bit and be quite boisterous; hell, my voice even deepens (and it's a alto to begin with). But when I'm feeling like a girl, I put on the cleavage shirts and tight jeans that show off my figure. Idk. ---------- Post added 11th Jan 2015 at 11:20 AM ---------- I am happy with being a girl, though I really wish I could change it day by day. Oh shit. I think I just answered myself. :3 But yeah, it comes in waves. I DEFINITELY do NOT want a sex change. However, I would like one depending on the day...if that makes sense?
i am so lonely. being in the closet is so hard. I am always careful that someone might recognize me. Sometimes i just want to give up. O think i will be alone forever
You might have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/165047-i-need-advice-please.html#2 I'd say take your time... They say there is a someone for everyone. You might read up other threads, if you like, and open a thread of your own in one of the other sections, for example, where people are more likely to answer your specific questions...
Now that you say that I can definitely say you're genderfluid. That desire for the day-by-day change is exactly what I go through. Welcome to the club
