So, I've talked to alot of you guys on here, and I really am greatful I met you! However, I am starting to feel... dysphoria? Is that the word? I suppose I should explain. For those who do not know, I am a transgender guy. I have known this for several months, maybe even a year (I lost count of time). My mother accepts me, and my friends at least support me, despite being somewhat transphobic. However... I want to start being called Chase irl. My name by birth is Autumn, which isn't a bad name, but I think I'll feel more comfortable going by the name I planned out, which I also use online... Chase. My Gender Therapist calls me Chase, but I want to be called it by people who matter... Along with being called "him" and "he" instead of "her" and "she". Still, when I asked one of my best friends in the world, Angela, she told me... "Chase is a name for a hot guy! You're more like a Mark! And also, why would I call you that? You're a girl! Don't change into a guy!" This is pretty minor, but her constant denial of my gender hurts my feelings, though she's aweosme besides that. My friend Katelyn also told me when I asked her "I want you to be my children's Godmother, so you can't be a guy. I'll kill you if you tell them that!" This again sounds minor and in a joking fashion, but it hurts that those people I tresure and who I'd never betray seem to forget about my feelings at very least. Having online friends support me has REALLY helped, but people seem to lack support for me. I have always been a confident individual, and I KNOW how I see myself... Maybe I should fake who I am? I am strong, so maybe I could manage faking my feelings... acting female. I feel like such a coward saying that, but right now I feel weak. Whenever they say things like this, I kinda just blow it off as "whatever" and change the subject, but it really does hurt. I just want to prove somehow I am... masculine maybe? I wanna show people I am a guy, and a strong one at that. People tell me "guys aren't that emotional" or "guys don't use gigantic words" or even "you have to have a penis to be male"... This is killing me. :tears:
They keep doing it because you keep blowing it off by saying "whatever" and changing the subject. They might be your friends, but they are probably uneducated on the subject and they don't read minds so when you just wave it off like that they perceive it as not being that big of a deal, because you're not making a big deal of it. You gotta talk to them. Explain that it is a big deal, a life changingly big deal that means a lot to you. As long as you're good friends and you avoid sounding hostile, they will try to understand.
Well, I have tried to explain to them my emotions, but even after I say it they always respond "But you're a girl!". The thing I HAVEN'T made a big deal on is the name, but with everything else I have explained it fully to them. My friend Nich is comfortable doing it, but the rest of them refuse to see me as a male.
I wouldn't be friends with someone who did that. In fact, I'd tell her "It's either you call me by my chosen name and accept me as a male, or this friendship is over." If she's a true friend she will respect you.
She's always been very close to me... Last year a girl even dumped a tray of fish on her head 'cause she stuck up for me when they were bullying me. She didn't back down even when the girl threw an apple at her and was about to punch her. Of course I tried to defend her, but I am... weak. Anyway, her excuse for refusing to call me male is because "I look prettier as a girl." I love her as a sister, but wtf?
She sounds like you are important to her. I think she will come around, but how long has she known? Did you basically dump the knowledge that you were trans on her or did it happen slowly over time? Because you have had a long time to think about this and if you basically just told her out of the blue she had literally no time at all. In that case she might need time to adjust and think things through just like you did.
I had told her ages ago. She had gotten a hint or two about me being smething else, but didn't know anything about transgenders prior to me. I explained it to her, and alot of time has passed since that, so by now she has no excuse to "adjust". Adjusting doesn't take years, it takes months at most, so idk what will happen, but do you guys know of any way to slowly... get the name across? Also, my godmother wants to take me bra shopping... >.< I am going to get my binder soon and when I get it I will never want to take it off. My godmother doesn't know, but that's another story! She'll never refer to me as Chase, that I know about my godmother.
Then she's probably just in denial. Maybe she just really wanted a friend to do all that girly stuff with. How does she have it with other friends? Does she have more close friends or are you pretty much it?
Me and my friends make jokes about being in a "pack" because we are a small group of friends who stay together and we're all... social outcasts to some degree. Angela had been bullied since forever, and we take turns defending each other. The other "pack" members are here- Aubree- We call her "Satan" as a joke cause she is scary when she's angry. I'm the only "pack" member who knows what happened to her brothers, which is... traumatizing. Kaitlynn- A giant homestuck and anime fan. People don't like her for being bisexual, though she is extremely sweet. Nicholas- Quiet gamer. He is often too rough when he jokes, calling people names that are a little too harsh, but he is a really sweet guy. Nickolas- A crazy cat person like me who does gaming with me. He and Nich always sit by each other in all the classes, which my friends think is funny. Those are my primary friends, though my best friend Katelyn does not go to my school. I go to her house often, and she... does my make-up. -_- I don't mind it 'cause I call her me "little sister" but she still thinks of me as a girl... Nich and Kaitlynn are very supportive of me though, even if they struggle with the male prefixes sometimes.
Would showing something like this help you? http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/mums-adventure.pdf (*hug*)
Umm, Jay, I'm kinda asking how to get people to call me by my name Chase... how does a FtM mother help me with this? >.>
Sounds like a good group of people. Then she probably just doesn't understand. Her ability to relate to your issue is probably really low and she doesn't understand why anybody would want to be a guy. Chances are she'll eventually see how happy you get from transitioning and then she'll come around. She might still not understand, but I don't think it ultimately matters. Though I'm basically just taking shots in the dark here. I don't know your friends, you do. All I can do is try to give you ideas.
well its a simple explanation for being tg. If you read it through carefully you will find you can adapt it. I personally think its an easy to grasp explanation for others, picking it up in a way that it sticks.
What helped my friend understand was showing her youtube videos of guys that were further in their transition. She still has some trouble with pronouns, but seeing her face when she realized the people she was watching were trans like me was priceless.
This. Show your friends videos, articles, studies... Anything that explains it. It's really important to "prove" that you're right to some people. Or else they might not understand or believe you. Also, be sure to be very clear with that gender and sex are two different things. Just because we have female bodies doesn't mean that we are female. And if it makes you feel really bad, you might have to give them an ultimatum. They either call you Chase or you can't hang out with them anymore because they're hurting you emotionally. Good luck brother. (*hug*)
