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Came out to a friend today... and a question.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Polka Dots, Jan 12, 2015.

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  1. Polka Dots

    Polka Dots
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    I still don't know where exactly I fall under the trans* umbrella but I admitted my struggles to a friend today; I already feel so much better. Before I confided in her I had some horrid flashbacks from my youth where my mother dismissed my feelings, but thankfully said friend didn't give me a reason to crawl back into my closet.

    So I guess that's progress. Baby steps, baby steps.

    I do have a question for those of you who are further along in your journey. I've suffered from emotional and social dysphoria for almost twenty years now, and the older I get the more physical dysphoria I seem to endure.

    Example: I've always been dysphoric about my voice, but over the past year or so I've started to accept the fact I hate having my breasts touched. I was raised in a very conservative setting where sex for pleasure was frowned upon (don't get me started on how sexually frustrated I was as a teenager) so I didn't think much of this until recently. Can anyone relate? Is this common?

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful 2015 thus far. One of my resolutions is to post on EC more often -- ya'll seem so understanding here.

    Many thanks,
    Dots
     
    #1 Polka Dots, Jan 12, 2015
  2. wanderinggirl

    wanderinggirl
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    There's a diversity of experiences: some transmen might not like their breasts except during sex; others don't like them ever. I am completely indifferent; although I realize that the only time I touch them myself is to stabilize them.

    Also yes voices. Heh it's weird I didn't realize I had a high voice until a female friend of mine said something about the two of us having really high voices. I had noooo idea!

    Congrats on telling a friend! You seem to be on a path to healing. Maybe finding other people who share your experiences in person would help?
     
    #2 wanderinggirl, Jan 13, 2015
  3. SkyColours38

    SkyColours38
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    I'm not exactly further along in the process, but a year or so ago (before I was even out to myself about my gender identity), I was in a relationship with a cisgender man. When we were sexually intimate, I was often very uncomfortable when he touched my breasts or clitoris. At first I tried to attribute my discomfort to any of the following things:
    – the fact that he was the first person I'd had sex with, and so I was uncomfortable due to inexperience;
    – the fact that I had been raped the year before and thus was anxious having sex at all;
    –*an internalised misogynistic idea that women (as I was still trying to convince myself that I was) should perform sex rather than enjoy it.
    However, towards the end of the relationship I began to realise that though it may have been partially these things, it was mainly a manifestation of my dysphoria.
    Long story short, from my own experiences and those of others I know, yes it is fairly common to dislike having your breasts touched. I think it's mainly because they're seen almost as the epitome of femininity, and touching them is the most blatant way to acknowledge their existence, but many AFAB people who identify as anything other than female might wish that their breasts didn't exist. Sorry if that got a bit confusing towards the end, I'm very tired and have lost my ability to form sentences correctly!
     
    #3 SkyColours38, Jan 13, 2015
  4. Acm

    Acm Guest

    I hate having my chest touched, in my mind I feel like it's not there and like I should have a flat chest, so when something touches it, I get taken by surprise and I feel a little sick.
     
    #4 Acm, Jan 13, 2015
  5. Polka Dots

    Polka Dots
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    Thank you all so much for responding! You have no idea how appreciative I am.

    @wanderinggirl: Thanks! And yes, I'm trying to move forward and heal. Sometimes I get frustrated because I want to understand myself *now* but I know self-discoveries take time. I've been looking into a local support group but am terrified of attending a meeting.

    @SkyColours38: Your third point is how my mother brought me up so I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm willing to bet that in the coming year(s) I'll arrive at the same conclusion you did, in some form or another (that my dysphoria is what's making me uncomfortable).

    @Acm: Thank you for sharing your experience with me. <3
     
    #5 Polka Dots, Jan 13, 2015
  6. jay777

    jay777
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    If you are disphoric, you might concentrate on something you connect with the image you like.

    Having some clothes on of the gender you like... or even a keyring attachment which stands for a symbol you like...

    or a mental image of you...


    (*hug*)
     
    #6 jay777, Jan 14, 2015
  7. Polka Dots

    Polka Dots
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    @jay777: Thank you, Jay. *hugs back* Very good advice. I actually have a few methods of doing exactly what you have suggested, including -- as silly as it may sound -- a doll I've customized to remind me of myself.
     
    #7 Polka Dots, Jan 15, 2015
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