Help wanted (Any offers of help would be awesome)

Hey hey! Welcome to EC.

The "Do I pass?" thread on here may help a little, a lot of people ask for passing tips and such on there.

As for your parents, I'm not really sure as to what you could say, considering their burning hate towards the LGBT+ community.

And, as for binders, cheap ways you can bind are buying maybe a compression shirt from any sports shop, but, they really only make an impact on small chests. Another way, you can buy a tight swimsuit and cut off the bottom of it, and bring it back up and over your chest.

I will say though, wearing a swimsuit is probably one of the most uncomfortable ways to bind ever. Also, please for the love of god stay away from ACE bandages, tape or cheap binders from Ebay or somewhere like that.

Message me any time if you want some more advice, or even someone to talk to. (*hug*)

 

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Some parents are easier to manage than others with some pamphlets from PFLAG or even having them watch a documentary with you. If you're a minor and worried your parents might kick you out or do something drastic, I'd recommend waiting until you're older and able to support yourself in case they act out.

I don't like the term "passing" anymore, but there are threads with links providing some advice on trying to hide features and be well, "passable".

On the subject of binding, don't go with ACE bandages or cheap binders you see on ebay for safety and health reasons. Sports bras could work if you're on a budget, and I've heard of people turning spandex bike shorts into binders as well. If you do find some cash to work with, sites like GC2B and Underworks might be the most affordable. You might be able to order from them with something like those Visa gift cards, but I'm not too sure. If you're concerned about your parents seeing, you could have it sent to a friends house.

 

You might have a look here for resources:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...nformative-threads-links-gender-identity.html

and you might look up a few other threads... on coming out, on ftm clothing, etc...

You might say you want some counseling to help figuring this out, and look for a gender therapist who has gender on their list...

or talk to someone from an lgbt center, or to a transgender helpline...
there might be lgbt support groups...

You might play a bit with hairstyle and clothing style... sweaters one or two sizes bigger, unisex or mens jeans, etc... what you feel comfortable with... used clothing stores could be a good source..
just saying this is your style, and you feel comfortable this way...

you might have a look here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/159635-breast-binder.html?highlight=binders

and build some community on EC, for now you can chat with others via wall messages, after 14 days you can apply for full membership and join the chat and send private messages...
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/164130-other-trans-friends.html


(*hug*)

 

In all honesty, while it's not something you'll wanna hear, don't do anything drastic until you're in a position where you can move out. If things go south, you're not there all the time, which will help a lot.

 

Sorry you got yelled at. I'd advice you to practice that art called ignoring. They are worried about other people's gossip, about not giving this perfect image they try so desperately to project (this is pretty common on religious families).
I don't know exactly what you mean with boys clothes, and how different they are to your "older clothes". Maybe you just shocked them from wearing a girly dress to whatever you were wearing. So it wasn't about boy clothes, but a shock you gave them.
You can always try to get there step by step, i.e. wearing more "neutral" clothes, or unisex. Try with little changes, here and there, subtle stuff like sneakers, hoodies, etc... Over time! Check "street wear" : Comfy unisex clothes. Sport clothing. Dark colours. Keep it simple and comfy.

To justify this you could try to do some sport after school : Running, climbing... This could be a very valid reason for them to accept your new choice in clothing style.

It might take weeks until they'll finally accept your new clothes, or get simply tired of yelling at you and give up. Don't try to get into an argument with them, just smile politely, say "ok, mommy/daddy, you are probably right", and the next day try something different -and lighter- again. Be headstrong, don't give in, and don't let them get you into an argument. Ignore them with a smile. It worked for me.
Best of luck to you (*hug*)

 

I second this.

Similarly, if you're serious about coming out, it's good to have a fall-back plan. You can see if there are any friends or family members you can stay with for a while if your parents do react negatively. But I only really recommend this if A: you're 17 + and don't have the means to live on your own, or B: you have a decently wide circle of gender identity confidants already (I'd say 3+ households), and they already accept you. Also, I only really recommend this if you have a car/bike/bus pass/etc., or a job - nobody really has to take anyone else in, and having the means to transport yourself and to pitch in for food/gas/etc. can usually help guarantee you'll have a roof over your head until your parents calm down or you can move out/go to college. You don't want to test the limits of anyone's generosity. The only exception to my general rule about being able to pitch in before asking others for a place to stay is if the situation is one that's so terrible you really need to get out of there without hesitation (they're threatening/abusing you), in which case, you should definitely get out of there, and worry about pitching in later.

It would help to know what resources you have and how old you are. I couldn't advise you to do anything without knowing if you're in a good place to do anything. Since you've said your parents are homophobic, all I can really say is remember to consider the bigger picture before taking that step and coming out.