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Not feeling completely secure

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by antibinary, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. antibinary

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    As you can see I'm demifluid. Now I have an agender/demiboy/genderfluid friend. who last year had some serious anxiety issues relating to their gender. Recently, they disclosed this to me and a few other friends. Now because I'm completely closeted she won't know of my gender. But I'm thinking: am I really demifluid (and just worrying because you can't kill an idea), of am I just lying to myself. It's really getting to me.
     
  2. MsEmmzy

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not everyone has extremely horrible dysphoria/anxiety issues. You can't tell yourself that you're lying to yourself because you didn't feel as bad about yourself as your friend did.

    I actually had a similar experience. When I was first discovering myself, it was really hard because I heard how a lot of people had huge dysphoria issues while I wasn't. I actually kind of wanted to experience it just to justify myself. That was a horrible mistake, as dysphoria has hit me, and it sucks.

    Anyway as I said, not feeling exactly like your friend did doesn't make you any less who you are. If you feel demifluid, then you are. No need to question it because you don't hate yourself.
     
    #2 MsEmmzy, Jan 13, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2015
  3. SkyColours38

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    I thought I was a few different things for a while before I realised I was transmasculine, but after I started thinking about the issue properly it didn't take me long to come to a conclusion. It sounds like you've been thinking about this for a while, so the odds are that you've figured it out – congrats if so! If you keep thinking and realise that actually a different label fits you better, no worries, that's also fine and normal. However, I can say with relative confidence that you are almost certainly not 'lying to yourself'. I've had this feeling, particularly when my mother calls me delusional and repeats 'but you're a WOMAN' at me... :/ Self-doubt is just one of those things that gets in your head and refuses to leave, especially when you find what you think is external evidence for your doubts being valid. Just because you are not ready to come out, but your friend was, it does not mean that your identity is less valid than theirs.
    Also, I've just seen that your sidebar thing says you live in the UK. From having lived mainly over here and partially in the US, I've noticed that there's a lot less discussion of gender identities over here than there is over there, and the vast majority of gender diverse people on the internet are North American (more than population ratios would account for). I'm sure it's because here in the UK we talk about it less, so many people think their identities are not real because they don't know of anyone else like them. I know this was the case for me for a long time, but I don't know whether you've ever felt that way.
    Anyway, good luck grappling with your identity, remember you are valid no matter what. :slight_smile:
     
  4. antibinary

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    Thanks for the help people. It means a lot.