1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Trans or gender-fluid?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by wylber, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. wylber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello, I'm a 29-year old guy with Aspergers Syndrome (AS). I'm gay but now I'm questioning whether I may actually be trans. I'm hoping you guys can help shed some light on the situation.

    - Once, when I was around 3-4 years old I ran around with a blanket as a cape pretending to be "Super-girl". I also dressed up in my mothers clothes once or twice.

    - When I was a teen I was terrified of going through puberty, I was especially worried about my voice changing. I felt really embarrassed about it. It's possible this was due to fear of change, which is common in AS, and shame about sexuality (my parents are Christian, so sex was never discussed). When it actually happened though I was ok about it, I have a deep voice and it doesn't bother me.

    - I've always found it easier to talk to girls and sometimes see myself like female TV characters.

    - I started wondering if I could be Trans after watching a TV show with a transgender character.

    - sometimes my inner voice says "I'm a girl" and I've fantasised about dressing up like one on rare occasions.

    - I don't experience "gender dysphoria" in terms of my body. I'm not disgusted by my genitals or other male features. I don't particularly like the look of breasts or the vagina.

    - the idea of having to transition terrifies me. I'm not sure I would want to get rid of my genitals or change my appearance. But I also worry what people would think. At least now I can walk around relatively easily but if I became a girl it might attract abuse, especially if the change is unconvincing. Having to apply make up, take hormones, talk and act like a woman sounds like a lot of effort and I worry I think I'd feel I was being false.

    - my interests are more in line with those of a man. I like computer games, technology, sci-if/fantasy. I have no interest in clothes, fashion, make-up, etc. Although, I don't like sports.

    - I took an online transgender test, which said I was basically both male and female, and not transgender.

    - I don't know that being a woman would necessarily make me happy.

    - Sometimes I wish I was a girl because I could attract the type of straight man I'm attracted to. In some ways I also think it'd be easier to be a girl.

    - sometimes I'm offended if people tell me I'm girly.

    - I prefer to play male characters in video games (when you have a choice).

    - the thought that I might be transgender makes me extremely anxious. I've read people have to transition otherwise they're miserable. But, if I did, I know the rejection I'd face from family and people in general would also make me miserable. I couldn't deal with it.

    Wylber
     
  2. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    If you don't experience body dysphoria you're not trans. Gender fluid maybe, but if I were to place a guess I'd just say you were a feminine man.

    If you don't want to -be- a woman almost constantly there's no need to transition. You shouldn't jump a ship that's not sinking.

    I also wouldn't put any value on an online gendertest.
     
  3. WyldStyle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2014
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    The lack of dysphoria makes me say gender fluid, as well as the suggestion that you're still content with your male body. You seem to just have phases where you want to be a girl that come and go. If that's correct, you're gender fluid.
     
  4. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    You might have a look at this:
    emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/159807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4

    Just take your time... this all is a spectrum, and you don't have to do anything...

    You might play a bit with hairstyle and clothing style... sweaters one or two sizes bigger, unisex or womens jeans, etc... what you feel comfortable with... there are threads on clothing...
    it can be really fun...

    You might have a look at support groups, maybe in your local lgbt center...

    and build some community on EC, for now you can chat with others via wall messages, after 14 days you can apply for full membership and join the chat and send private messages...
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/164130-other-trans-friends.html


    (*hug*)
     
  5. wylber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    How does dysphoria manifest itself?

    Can anxiety cause your gender to shift if you're gender-fluid?

    The female side of me is something I've gradually become more and more aware of quite recently. How do I know this won't progress into transgenderism?
     
  6. WyldStyle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2014
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan

    1. I'm not sure, never dealt with gender dysphoria

    2. Yes. I've had times where if I'm the wrong gender that day I start to feel anxiety about it.

    3. It could progress. But right now it doesn't seem like you're trans, so don't worry about that right now.
     
  7. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    It manifests as a feeling of severe unhappiness whenever you think or is otherwise reminded of your biological gender and how it doesn't feel right to you. You truly feel that you are a woman and you somehow ended up in a man's body and it makes you feel trapped, constricted and like you're not yourself.

    You can't know if your feminine side will progress into fullblown dysphoria, but it can happen as transgender isn't necessarily something you're born with. I would not do anything about until it does though. If it does at all.
     
  8. wylber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thank you for your replies guys, it really helps to talk things through. I wonder if this is linked to having Aspergers. People with AS tend to have a poor sense of self, which would include gender identity, so it can be difficult to tell who and what you are sometimes.
     
  9. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Actually, I think somebody once proved that gender identity disorders and aspergers often have a connection. So you could be right.
     
  10. WyldStyle

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2014
    Messages:
    123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Michigan
    You're welcome. Feel free to message me on my profile if you have any other questions. :slight_smile:
     
  11. wylber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well I feel a little better about the whole thing today but I still have some anxiety over it. I just wanted to tell you more about my experience to see if anyone has any input that can help me get to the bottom of it.

    - This whole episode started after a girl I know said, "You're such a girl!" in jest based on the TV Shows I watch.

    - later I started having thoughts like "I'm a girl!". I've had similar ones before but after these ones I decided to research transgenderism and began questioning if I could be one.

    - This caused massive anxiety, as I started thinking about how my family and friends would react if it turned out to be true. My parents are Christian, so it was bad enough coming out as gay to them. They still love me and didn't kick me out of the house or anything, but the whole coming out experience wasn't exactly pleasant and I found it extremely traumatic. I fear being transgender would be a step too far. I rely on my parents for support due to my Aspergers and mental health issues, I couldn't live without them.

    - Today I noticed I started paying more attention to how people refer to me, as in "guy", "he/him", "son", etc and exploring how I really feel about my body. I also started thinking things like "I want breasts" or "I want rid of my penis and body hair" BUT I honestly think think I was just making myself think those things to test my reaction to them. I've never felt disgust at my body or the desire to have breats before.

    - I also tried experimenting with a little cross-dressing today. I put on high heel shoes and strutted around like a "powerful woman". It felt good. Then I put on a dress and stared at myself in the mirror. I think I liked how I looked. Then I stuffed my dress to make it look like I had breasts and immediately burst out laughing at how ridiculous I looked/felt.

    Still not sure what it all means!
     
  12. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'd say take your time to get used to the thought.
    Look up some more materials...

    try out some more, think about how it makes you feel...

    Its not your fault. Many people now say its biological, and there is much more support now.
    You might have a look here:
    http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

    You might talk to someone knowledgable on the subject, a gender therapist, or someone from an lgbt center...
    or you might even talk to a helpline:
    emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-ge.../164030-mermaids-should-i-contact-them.html#2

    If you do not want to change your body or feel disphoric, you might be gender variant, and try that out... with different clothing and hairstyles...


    (*hug*)
     
  13. wylber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I think I'm leaning a bit more toward gender fluid but I'm still not completely sure. Most of the time I don't really think about what gender I am, but there have been periods where I have felt like "one of the boys" when I've been with a group guys I feel like I'm getting along with (doesn't happen often!). Generally I don't like sports that much and had a lot of anxiety in school when we were forced to play, mainly because I was bad at it and people made fun of me. BUT there were some occasions where I've felt "masculine" when ive managed to play sport or work out at the gym, etc.

    One the other hand, I can't say I've ever felt like "one of the girls" when I've been with a group of them. I usually feel more at ease around them because they're easier to get along with but I'm not aware of ever feeling like I'm one of them.

    Maybe I'm mostly gender neutral but can fluctuate between the two?
     
  14. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Its possible. (*hug*)

    Its also possible you adapt a little bit when together with other people... you could keep that in mind...