I've always been the weird one. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual as I am definitely attracted to both genders. As for my gender, I have no clue. I mean I still have a bunch of feminine qualities but I think I have a lot more masculine qualities that outweigh them. I have a small group of girl friends that I hang out with all the time and I like to think of them as my sisters. But other girls, I get really nervous around. I'd much prefer hanging out with boys, and find myself acting more freely around them. I don't mind wearing girl clothes but sometimes I feel a lot more comfortable in boy clothing. I usually wear guys shirts anyways as I like my t-shirts to be a little big on me. I also like wearing guys pants although my mom absolutely hates it and has pretty much barred me from wearing them. I absolutely hate wearing girls shorts as I feel like they are just too short and they make me extremely uncomfortable. I also cosplay with my friends for fun, but other than one event, I've always dressed as male characters. Make-up scares me. I hate the way it feels on my skin. I don't mind others wearing it, but it just feels funny to wear it. I kinda like my body but I have mixed feelings about having breasts. I mean some days I don't really mind but then others I just want them gone. I really wish I could cut my hair short but unfortunately my mother has barred me again. When I was little I had Barbies like most little girls, however I would make my dolls go on fantastical adventures to go fight the bad guys and ride dragons. My best friend and I would use his army figurines to shoot my Barbie dolls sometimes. I was a big reader of boys novels, particularly action and adventure, and at recess time, I always wanted to do a make-believe game where I was on some sort of an adventure. Now, I still read a lot of guys books as I just can't find any interest in reading romance novels, with the exception of a few. I have a wild imagination but I have started imagining myself as a male in my dreams now instead of a girl. I have never been in a relationship so I am really clueless there. I don't really know how I would act in a relationship. I really don't know what gender I am. I think I put all the clues I could down but I could be wrong. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and any suggestions is welcomed and appreciated. Thank you!
Well, this isn't going to be the answer you're looking for, but no can answer that except for you. When you know it, you feel so deeply with every inch of your being, be that happy, terrified, disappointed...everything in between and all the combinations. But that being said, what I can say is you're not alone, and figuring out who you are, figuring out your gender its a journey. It takes more for some people than it does for others. But what I found helped me most was thinking about some questions about who I am. Now, try to forget the gender stereotypes for now, they really won't help that much. More and more each day I'm beginning to think I'm either genderqueer, agender, or trans masculine, yet growing up I played Barbies and dressed up as a princess every halloween... but being thought of as a girl *now* feels wrong on so many levels. Thats the key word, now. How do you feel about who you are, now? How do you want other's to view you? How does gender play into that? What gender(s), if any would you want to be seen as? How do you picture yourself in the future? How do you feel about being seen as the gender you were assigned at birth? It will take time figure things out, but you'll make sense of things eventually. (*hug*)
STARSCREAAAAM!!! Ahem... Sorry. But the clever Doctor Who/Sherlock fan above is very correct. It requires a lot of soul searching to figure out. Others can guide you by asking questions--like the questions poster above made, which are all excellent--but ultimately it's up to you to answer them truthfully. I wouldn't put all too much weight into your interests or clothing habits as they're not -always- relevant, but the fact that you started envisioning yourself as a male indicates something. I started doing that around when I finally accepted myself. In my dreams I started being replaced by a woman--she wasn't me but she really -was- me, if that makes sense. It might take you some time to figure it out, but I'm sure everybody here on EC will be with you all the way and eager to help. I am at least, and you can shoot me a message any time.
You might have a look here: emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/165047-i-need-advice-please.html#2 and here: Am I (*hug*)
I understand your confusion - I too am currently living in that grey limbo area of uncertainty. This journey will require a lot of introspection and experimenting. Don't be afraid to ask questions or post on someone's wall for information or advice. From my experience, everyone on EC is friendly and more than willing to answer questions, talk, and generally help out. I'm not sure if this will be any help to you, but I recently started a blog called A Non-Binary Experience. My plan is to not only detail my personal accounts and journey of self discovery but also provide links and resources on non-binary identities such as agender, gender neutral, and genderqueer. There isn't much to it right now, but hoepfully within the month it'll be full of resources. Until then, keep asking questions - to yourself and others. Gather information. Experiment a bit with neutral pronouns or a different name. see how you feel when you mish-mash different clothing (an effeminante blouse with cargo pants and boots, or maybe a skirt with a shirt and tie). As much as we'd like there to be a quick and easy answer, often times there isn't. And more often than not you'll stumble through and try something that you end up not liking. And if you're ever feeling down or just need someone to talk to, the people on EC will always be here for you. Feel free to message me on my wall if you want to talk some more. (&&&)
