It's been a while since my last visit here in EC. I'm sure I missed a lot of things. I'm entering college this June/August. And I'm still unsure of who I really am. So I did my own research of some "known causes of homosexuality/being gay". I know it sounds silly to search for such thing. I found this website and I saw one factor that I can really relate to, because it happened to me 8 years ago. What Causes Male Homosexuality? | Center for Gender Wholeness Number 6 pertaining to sexual abuse to a child whether it is a male or a female. When I was 8, my male cousin took advantage of my innocent mind (I swear I have no knowledge regarding the LGBT people or even about sex when I was that age.) I can clearly remember everything that happened during that day. He took me in their house, then they started masturbating, then suddenly my older cousin called me then he said "Hey, can you suck my !@#$ ?" Because I was still a very innocent boy, I did what he said. He even taught me how to give a head "properly". Then it continued, every time their family visits our home. He always takes me to our bedroom and he jokes that I should come with him to play board games, even though that is not actually the thing we're going to do. I gotta admit that I liked what we were doing. Then years passed, when he entered high school they rarely visit our place. When he was in high school I was in 5th grade. That was the time that I realized that what he did to me when I was young was very wrong and terrible. When I had those thoughts recurring in my mind, I thought that I should experiment on things. I started having these thoughts of "I wonder what I felt during those days when we did it together". So when I was approaching my teenage years I started having oral sex with some straight guys I know who uses sex to gain money. These doings of mine stopped, when my mom find out of these sexual activities I'm doing. That was also the time she knew that I "could" be gay or bisexual. Now I'm 16, I stopped having sexual activities with other males. I'm struggling with porn addiction right now, Its like I can't complete a day without masturbating to gay porn. I'm becoming more anxious than I was before. My classmates knows that I'm gay some know me that I'm bisexual. I only have one friend who knows about what happened to me when I was young. He said I'll find myself sooner if not today. He also said that male sexual exploitation victims can still recover from identity crisis. I just thought of posting this one here. I'm just wondering if there are other people out there who experienced the same thing as mine when I was a kid. Is there a chance that I could still be straight? I had girlfriends in the past, I didn't have any sexual connections with them, only emotional attachments. I'm not hating on myself of being gay or bisexual. I just want to find some answers right now, because I'm really worried when I reach college.
I found out I was bisexual or something close to that when I was little. My assigned gender is female and my male cousin also abused me when I was 8. He told me to show him my genitals and then had me suck his dick. What he had said was "Girls like this." And i believed him, but i didnt like it at all. I just find dicks to be kind of gross but I put it all together and found out Im asexual. My innocence was abused at the same age as you so I can kind of understand it. One day you'll wake up and figure it out and that day you'll be so happy it's just great. Dont stress yourself over it too much, after all sexuality is just a label to explain what you like and what you dont.
