I'm gender fluid but I've always leaned more male then female. The earliest memory I have is that episode of Fairly Odd Parents when they turned Timmy into a girl and he was upset and I just went to my room and cried because I wished I had fairy god parents that could turn me into a boy. My parents probably realised I was more masculine then then female and they gave me girly stuff and my room still looks like a 5 year old girly girl's princess paradise. I've been pretty much forced to be a "girly girl" and im finding out why i never feel like myself. Does anyone have any stories or expieriences like this of dysphoria or any tips of how to release the opressed gender identity traits my parents recked? I would like to figure out if I'm actually gender fluid or just f2m. I feel masculine most days but i still like girly things and i like to dress like a girl in skirts and tights and feel pretty.
It can be hard when you first begin to question something as seemingly known as gender, but something that helped me immensely was letting go of all gender stereotypes. Growing up I was a weird kid, yeah, but I still chose to play with Polly Pockets and dress up as a princess or angel almost every halloween of my childhood. Presentation (hairstyle/ clothing choice) and toys have very little to do with gender. And only you can really know your gender for sure, but some questions that helped me to make more sense of everything were: How do you feel about your assigned gender? (For me being female; it was okay but I didn't really care. And it was just sort of meh, okay I guess...) How do you feel about people viewing you and treating you as your assigned gender? (It makes me uncomfortable that people see me as a woman, I've always hated being considered one of the girls.) How do you picture yourself in the future? How does gender play a part in that? (more personal questions I asked for myself: Why are you having such a hard time accepting you are lesbian if you are attracted to only women? Why can't you connect as much with female/female couples? Why do you get depressed when your hair is down? Why does being called sweetie/darling/girl/woman bug me so much? Why do the genderqueer/ agender/ ftm youtube videos touch me so deeply, and why can I relate to them so easily?) You just have to keep asking yourself these questions and dig deep. It takes time, but there's no rush, everyone figures these things out at their own pace. The answer will come with time. And I'll leave you with a quote from a friend of mine, "Everyone has their own experience."
You might have a look here: emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/159807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4 You might try different hair and clothing styles, and see how that makes you feel. There are threads on ftm clothing, you might start with unisex or mens trousers, maybe from a second hand shop . I'd say take your time... you might read up additional information and try out things you think you would like... it can be really fun... (*hug*)
