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My best friend who I'm out to just called me a girl after I asked him not to...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Tardis221B, Jan 18, 2015.

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  1. Tardis221B

    Tardis221B
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    So I came out to my best friend (guy) as agender back on the 11th or so of December... he didn't quite get it but he was understanding.....

    Since then I've been thinking more and more about my gender identity, and I know I'm not female. I feel it so deeply with every inch of my being. I've never known anything in my life to be as true as this. And the more I realize this the harder it makes being mis gendered and presenting as female.

    Today i had a rough day. I had to go clothes shopping with my mom, the dressing rooms were gendered so already annoying, then when in line the store clerk called us ladies. With each day things like this have been making my perviously non-existent body dysphoria worse and worse, and it just makes life so difficult.

    And I really needed to vent to my friend. So in our casual facebook conversation I said:

    "And random thing... not gonna lie I'm getting really sick and tired of being shoved into the "girl" box. Its so awkward being called girl or lady by every woman I come across. . . it makes me so uncomfortable, I know its my fault for choosing to present female, but still..."

    His response was:

    "*My name*, you should be happy that you're a girl - besides the whole monthly bloodletting thing!"

    How do I respond to this?

    I don't want to get mad at him, but it makes me so frustrated and it hurts so much that someone I trusted would say something like that... I know it takes to understand these things, so I want to be understanding and level headed in my response, but I'm starting to think/worry that he won't be accepting of me being trans...
     
    #1 Tardis221B, Jan 18, 2015
  2. nevers

    nevers
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    As a genderfluid assigned female, I completely understand the dysphoria with being called female all the time since I do associate with male more and feel like I'm in the wrong body. I told one of my friends who is very understanding of me that I am a guy, I wanted to cry when she just said one sentence that just exaggerated that I'm just a girl. "You're showing your inner girlyness and being a lady." I'm not a lady and I was generally offended. It happens when people act like they understand but don't think about it. It's not as though we can wear a shirt that says "I am a guy. Don't call me by female pronouns or say anything insensitive towards me." It's offending and hurts your feelings when things like this happen and it's pretty much disrespect, but in the end you can't do much about it other than tell them how you feel regarding when someone says something like that to you. They'll never understand the dysphoria and hurt you feel when they say something so insensitive without realizing it. Just hang in there, you know what you are and that's all that matters, right?
     
    #2 nevers, Jan 18, 2015
  3. Tardis221B

    Tardis221B
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    Thanks for your response. (*hug*) I just sent him a 3page word document letter of me re-coming out to him. I was calm and tried my best to be understanding and not be upset or angry, I know what he said wasn't meant in a malicious way.

    Now its just waiting for a response....
     
    #3 Tardis221B, Jan 19, 2015
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