The thought of going to a club tonight has brought up so many issues about how I look and who I am. The idea of going there, where I've been cast as female characters (it's a comedy club) - I don't want them to see me like that. They (mostly) know I'm trans. (I could go into all the times I've questioned if I'm really trans but you know what, I feel dreadful right now.) Doesn't help my hair's getting longer (I REALLY need to get it cut - it wil be the first thing to do tonight when I get back home). There's a men's even with the LGBT society at uni which I'm not sure about going to. I don't know, maybe I'm not really trans? I didn't feel the desire for my packer either but that could be confusion, lack of confidence. I know I should do something to feel better, but I hate just pushing things to the back of my mind. I want to face this and do something about it, but what?
Tell them not to cast you as female characters. Also about the packer, I have no desire for one at the moment. It doesn't make much of a difference unless you are wearing really tight pants. Not wearing one doesn't make you less of a guy either.
Minnie so sorry that you are pain. Just remember "this too shall pass". Whatever problems and issues you are going through now , you will feel better soon. Please hang in there. One day at a time. (*hug*)