I am a fairly feminine woman who happens to be a lesbian. I have NEVER had a woman be attracted to me and I'm 33 (as of tomorrow, anyway). At least not to my knowledge. Although I am attractive, I am very large weight-wise, and I was told that my weight isn't the issue so much as my femininity. I was told today that if I want women to be attracted to me, I have to "gay up" my look because I apparently "look straight". I was told I would need to cut my hair really short and start wearing more boyish looking clothing. This woman said that that is what she had to do before women started noticing her. Well, I have zero intentions of doing any of that. I like my style. I tend to wear skinny jeans or graphic skirts and pretty tops, or the occasional dress. Until recently, I had hair halfway down my back. Now, it is slightly above my shoulders, but still in a "feminine" cut. The only make-up I wear is lip gloss or stick and occasionally eyeliner and/or eye shadow. So, I am not super, uber feminine. But apparently too feminine for females to find me attractive or available, or whatever. I have a rainbow skirt I wear as a shirt on occasion (looks good, I promise lol), and I have a "Have A Gay Day" T-Shirt from the Facebook page, which I have yet to wear because it just arrived. Those are the only "gay" items of clothing I have. As if items of clothing can be gay lol. But I think you know what I mean. I am attracted to women who are either fairly feminine, like myself, somewhat tomboyish, or even soft (very soft) butch. I am mainly attracted to femininity though. But I don't know how to attract women. I attract men without trying or wanting to. Some of you may be wondering why at 33, I am just now starting to become concerned about being attractive to women and, well, the reason for that is because, for most of my life I have had severe social anxiety, most likely brought on by my Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning autism, for the most part) which kept me from dating. I still haven't dated, but I really want to now that my anxiety is getting better. I want a relationship. But, I want someone who will accept me as me and not expect me to dress or act differently because I will always be true to who I am. Does anyone have any advice on how I can meet women who will not expect me to "look gay" in order to be attracted to me? Or any advice at all, on any of the things I've talked about is fine as long as it comes from a kind place. I'm very sensitive and get my feelings hurt easily, so please, no insults or "constructive" criticism. It may seem constructive to you, but it will just hurt me. Thanks
To me it sounds like you just need to meet more women who are into women. Have you considered online dating or participating in some events for gay people? You could start slow if you are afraid of meeting new people. Maybe go in some small support group. I know how social anxiety can be. It's great that you are getting better. Be patient with yourself. It's frustrating when everyone around you is straight. I have dated only straight men since they have been the only ones interested in me (only ones that I know of). That obviously didn't end well. I am now trying to get more social. I am going to go in that small support group in couple of weeks and I am nervous.
I agree.You just need to get out there and meet gay people.Sounds like you havent had any luck because no one realises you are gay. Dont listen to what that woman told you! You are fine as you are.You dont need to change and start acting all butch to get a girlfriend.A lot of people (me included) are attracted to feminine women.
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/166447-how-do-you-make-friends-adulthood.html#5 You might think about more rainbow accesoires... a bracelet for example... (*hug*)
I wouldn't change the way I look, honestly. I wear my hair in a classic bob that's very short, and I like to wear very tailored clothing. I also don't wear makeup. I don't classify myself in any look. If you were to press me, I'd say I just dress conservatively. Shrug. I'm 43 and have never dated (long story). I came out to a select group of friends and 2 of my sisters just last year (long story). However, I will tell you this: NOTHING, I mean NOTHING is sexier to me than confidence. Just rock you out. You are you, you can't be anyone else. The idea of changing the way I look just to attract someone is silly to me. Not everyone will find me attractive and quite frankly, no one is in fact obligated to do so. Conversely, I don't find everyone attractive nor am I required to do so. I think you need to be authentic. As I stated previously, to me, nothing is sexier or more attractive than a confident woman.
Hi! First, you don't need to make yourself something you're not. I think it's right that you need to somehow meet more gay women (This is something I'm realising - I'm in my early 30s). But I don't think it's correct that all gay women like the same kind of woman - and utimately you want someone to be attracted to you, rather than someone you're pretending to be. I like feminine women. Really, really like them. There are exceptions, but generally that's the kind of woman I like. I am somewhat tomboyish, but with long hair and sometimes wear dresses and a little make-up etc (I don't fit either stereotype of femme of butch). But I have met quite a few women who like what one might term "feminine-looking" women. I think a bigger problem is visibility (although it seems as though you probably have that covered). But I am more comfortable assuming that a woman who looks stereotypically gay actually is gay, and approaching her. I don't know what it's like in US, but in the UK there are social groups that you can sign up to online but where you meet people in person - but as a group of people looking for friends. If you google 'making friends' etc that can sometimes bring things up. The purpose isn't dating, but it can be a good way to meet people as an adult. - And the more people you meet, I think that the more likely you are to meet someone that likes you as you are (sorry if this sounds patronising - not meaning to sound that way at all! I am having similar trouble!). But either you can join lgbt events near you (if there are any) or meet more people and ensure that other people know you're gay. I've found, personally speaking, that in more 'scene' or lgbt-focussed places there are sometimes more expectations about what I should look like, but when I've met lgbt people through my normal course of life, there's been greater openness. (This is just personal experience and may not be the same everywhere).
