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This is killing me. I don't know if i really wanna transition.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by skylarNY, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. skylarNY

    skylarNY
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    Just a bit of background info, cause this is probably why I'm freaking out so bad about this: I have horrible anxiety, so yeah.

    So I've been doing a lot of thinking, which I probably shouldn't do, and I'm not sure I want to transition anymore. I have thought about it before and I really really wanted to. It was killing me how much I wanted to, but I'm having second thoughts.
    I haven't started T yet, or gone to a gender therapist, but I have an appointment in February. I know that I can sort all this out with her when I see her, but this is really stressing me out. Sometimes I just don't feel like a guy. And I know that most trans men don't feel like a guy 100% of the time, but I'm not even sure I always want to be seen as a man for the rest of my life.
    I feel like that might just be out of fear and/or anxiety, because going on T will pretty much completely change my life. I'm not used to being seen as a man. I'm only out to one person and kind-of out to my mom (she doesn't really understand this at all. she's acting like i never told her anything).

    I i think i should try to see how I feel being seen as a man by telling my friends and family that I'm questioning my gender, which I am, and ask them to call me by male pronouns. To see how I feel about it. I'm just so scared to tell people.
    I'm pretty sure I'm a guy, but I just wish I didn't have to have this pressure of if i should transition or not. I don't want to regret it later in life and have no way of going back. I don't know If i want to be seen as a man, but I do know that I don't want to be seen as a woman. I don't see myself that way. So why am i conflicted about wanting to go on T? I want to be seen as a man, but at the same time I don't..

    What's going on with me??
     
    #1 skylarNY, Jan 25, 2015
  2. Jinkies

    Jinkies
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    Here's the cool thing about gender: You don't absolutely have to transition, if you don't want to. Even if you're really a guy, you don't have to transition. However, if you want, there's that option and that road to go down.
     
    #2 Jinkies, Jan 25, 2015
  3. PossumJack

    PossumJack
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    Transitioning is a terrifying thing, it's totally understandable to be anxious and have doubts. Whether this is due to a genuine lack of desire to transition or just cold feet, however, would be best discussed with your therapist. Kudos on that, by the way, it's always good to have a professional to help you sort out these sort of things.

    I agree with Ryuichi on this. Don't let anyone push you into transitioning if you don't want to or aren't ready yet. Just do whatever makes you the happiest, and at your own pace. There are lots of transmen out there who don't take T, and that doesn't make them any "less trans" than transmen who do take T.
     
    #3 PossumJack, Jan 25, 2015
  4. Stefan

    Stefan
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    Dude, I have horrible anxiety too! So I see where you're coming from.
    I'm pretty sure i'm a dude too but I'm stressing so much about it. It's crazy.
    So it's okay to be anxious. Try the therapist come Feb, and see where things go from there!
     
    #4 Stefan, Jan 29, 2015
  5. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Not transitioning doesn't make you less of a man. But it will help you be seen as a man. Unless you are gifted with masculine facial structure AND a deeper voice, you will most likely never been seen as male (or if you have a boyish look but a high voice, you will most likely always be seen as a young child, and have to out yourself constantly anyways because of that).

    However, if you feel you can live like that, and you do not want to physically transition (some aspects of which is permanent), you can choose not to. No one is forcing you to make changes that you do not want.

    It does seem that you are confused. You should wait until you are completely sure you are a guy before even thinking about transitioning.

    Ask yourself if you are okay with being seen as and referred to as a woman. If you are, you are probably not trans. However, you could be genderqueer.
     
    #5 NingyoBroken, Jan 29, 2015
  6. jay777

    jay777
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    You might have a look at this:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#4
    and this:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/153143-so-confussed.html#17

    Considering T, you might have a look at this, concerning effects:
    http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/care.../hospital_services/Documents/hormones-FTM.pdf

    I'd advise you to come to a rest for some time during one or two days...
    no loud music, tv etc... just thinking...
    imagining how it would be to be a male... and how you would feel...

    often if we try something new, a chatter inside our head starts with doubts...

    so think about it, what would you want ?

    If you don't come to a decision, just take the time you need...

    You might also think about having a look at the next lgbt center near you...
    there might even be support groups...

    hugs
     
    #6 jay777, Jan 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015
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