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I'm scared to legally change my gender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by KayJay, Jan 26, 2015.

  1. KayJay

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    So I've been putting off legally changing my gender for a really long time now. The cost isn't much of an issue and it's not the easiest process but that's not really my excuse. I'm mostly scared of people thinking it's a fake ID because I don't pass.

    I've actually never had a problem with using my ID as it is with the incorrect gender on it. I just don't want to start having problems when I change the gender. I haven't discussed this with anyone before, so I thought I'd post it here and ask if anyone has had this fear before. A part of me fears like it is an unlogical fear but at the same time I could cause problems for no reason.
     
  2. Lazuri

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    Personally I have the opposite issue. I'm afraid my ID won't be much good to me in the future before I make a legal sex change.

    I think your fears are without merit, though. I think you absolutely pass and a likely reason that your ID works thus far is simply because most people just look at the picture and/or name. That's all the info they need.
     
  3. RainbowGreen

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    True. Take me for example. People never notice the F on my papers. They just look at the name, call me sir and all that. I'm even marked as a M in paperworks for blood donations because they never noticed it.
     
  4. KayJay

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    See I usually get Mr'd on all my paperwork and ask for it changed, most places usually change it for me but some (my phone company) won't. I get ma'am sometimes, otherwise people seem to avoid gendered terms with me because I guess they don't know.

    On the phone I almost always get Sir's, my bank called me Ms once because that's what my account says.

    I don't think I'll ever fully feel like I'm done transitioning because of this issue. People here and my family/friendsfriends say I pass really well but I still get pronouned wrong.
     
  5. Lazuri

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    Honestly, you look great so if you still get sir'd a lot, especially over the phone, I'd say your problem lies in the voice.
     
  6. KayJay

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    I know my problem is my voice. I have tried for months to make it better and I can't so I just gave up. So whatever I guess.
     
  7. Michael

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    Understatement of the year, specially when she smiles :wink:

    Change your phone company if they refuse to let you change your gender. There is plenty of them out there. Same goes for whatever service. The people at the bank seem reasonable enough. Sure you'll find more reasonable people if you look for them.

    About the voice, stop "trying" and just do it. There is more than one technique out there. Take your time to explore all. You'll find (eventually) one that will work for you.

    Don't give up, never. There is a song who goes "(...) change is a monster and changing is hard..."
    Changes are scary for everyone. It's a normal (human) reaction to them to feel scared. Don't let them paralyze you.

    You'll have troubles anyways, regardless of what you do, so at least look for troubles that got something to do with the real you. They'll be still troubles, but they'll be yours.

    Don't give up.
     
  8. DoriaN

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    Well... End topic then.

    Usually the average amount of time for most to get a working voice is 6 months.

    You actually pass physically, and if you get clocked on the phone that is where your entire issue lies.

    So now that you tell us you choose to never pass, what will you do? It's either go back to being male, or accept the here and now.

    A legal gender change is only 1 fearful moment, so with the issues you presented getting over this one instance may only be practice for more.

    It's not easy, it's not fair, but you knew that going in. Please re-consider giving up on yourself, you CAN do it!

    My voice is/was lower than most, so if I can do it so can you.
    Virtual Piano | The Original Best Piano App Online
    ^According to that, my voice rests at G-8.

    Yet somehow I seem to pass most of the time. I'm still refining myself, but maybe you just need to try new techniques.
     
  9. Lazuri

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    That's for a working voice with poor dynamic range, so it's not a weekend project.

    Pretty much anybody can do it, though, it just gets harder for some people who don't have much experience playing with their voices. I always loved singing and doing impressions and character voices so it's a bit easier for me but people who don't do that often has issues but it all comes down to practice and whatever technique works for you.

    I also hate suggesting this, but there is vocal surgery. The reason I hate to mention it is because you don't really know what you end up with and the chance you get a good voice is like 50-50. With training, you're more flexible with what kind of voice to use.
     
  10. jay777

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    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/146985-need-vocal-tips-mtf.html#4

    I'd say the secret is consistency. Consistent training, if even a few moments a day.
    And please be aware that many mtf people say the hardest thing is voice.

    You might be able to hold the voice only at most a few minutes in the beginning.
    Never overstrain yourself.
    It might take a few minutes a day, a few months, there are many different strategies, like singing, raising your voice reading loud, etc.
    You basically are training muscles that have not been used before.
    You might read a few experiences from tg people.
    I read one where the author said it was like a click and she was in another register.
    That helped in my case.
    Its like raising your voice from your breast to your head.
    You might have experienced it already, after a few exercises.
    Its not this Micky Mouse voice, its lower.
    And you can record your voice and play it back, so you can check the progress.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Mlb5ePeSvk
    This is a howto on using a spectrum analyzing program.
    The download link is outdated, here is the link to the program:
    Overtone Analyzer: Spectrum Analyzer and Voice Visualization Software (its free in its basic function).
    In the free version, you can record and see if there are sounds below 200Hz, which are predominantly male resonance sounds. It might be a good support for training in the beginning, trying to avoid those.
    After you get a feeling for it, you don't necessarily need it, maybe for checking from time to time.
    The video explains more sophisticated details.

    The author of the link provides packages with exercises and hints which might help speed up the process. There are others who also provide packages. Its up to you if you decide to get one.

    Some people do it on their own.

    Some people simply consult a voice training specialist for a few times.
    Its up to you if you want to do that.
     
    #10 jay777, Jan 26, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2015
  11. KayJay

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    Thanks for all the suggestions. Voice therapy is something I cannot get covered here and I don't really have much money so it isn't something I can afford, especially because of travel costs added on. I have tried the programs before, that was a program I was using for a long time.

    I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be attempting to alter my voice anymore, I'm not going back to presenting male ever though either. I'm not quitting transitioning. I have the voice I have and it'll do. I do appreciate all of the suggestions but I've struggled with the voice long enough to realize just dealing with it as is will be what I need to do. I rarely get sir'd or Mr'd in public, it's really only when my ID is involved because it says I am male. On the phone I don't really care much because I don't call companies daily so it's just something that'll bother me from time to time.

    I think posting this thread was probably a mistake.
     
  12. jay777

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)

    It wasn't ...
    you could just try to speak a bit higher... that might even help...
    and if you'd like you might read every evening a few minutes in mickey mouse voice... that might help also... its just the consistency, and it really takes months.


    Well if you're unsure to change what about waiting a bit longer ?

    by the way you have a really gorgeous charisma now...
     
  13. KayJay

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    Thanks, I do speak a bit lighter and softer but it is still man like. I feel like its mostly working like this so I gave up trying to change it. Maybe its scared because
    I'm scared of changing it or what others will think. Or I'm too lazy to put in the effort even though I tried for months.

    I've been in a mood today, I apologize to everyone.
     
  14. jay777

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    I feel you... especially with the programs you have the feeling you can do it pretty quick, you're motivated in the beginning, but it takes time.
    The secret is really the consistency.
    If you spend only a few minutes consistently every evening, reading or singing, this should help.

    And what you can do pretty quickly is changes in intonation.
    Female voices tend to go up and down much more than males. Like "Really" a man would pronounce monotone... a female voice goes way up, then down.

    Females tend to be not so direct, using expressions like might, would you please, etc...
    (you don't have to do this if you want to bring your point across :slight_smile: ) .

    Training this a bit might even be fun... a bit like princess training :slight_smile: .
     
  15. DoriaN

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    One simple trick is to try and speak as if you are talking from your teeth, projecting your voice forward. As if you're speaking almost nasally.