So here's my story, hopefully someone can help: I discovered I was gay when I was 8 or 9, but I knew something was up before then. I finally told my parents when I was 11 and they were completely accepting. Just recently, I've been coming out to many more people, and everybody is taking it fine. But now, I'm faced with one problem that is somewhat related. Even though I'm gay, I still feel... different. I am VERY effeminate, and I am very confused about who I actually am. I want to believe that I am a male, but it is very hard for me. I don't know if I would necessarily say I feel like a woman, but I definitely am confused. At times, I feel jealous of women for being able to wear all sorts of clothing that men don't typically wear. Dresses, blouses, boots, heels, jewelry, and scarves are a few that come to mind. Although at other times, I can't see myself wearing these. I definitely have a male figure (I think?), and I know I could take hormone supplements and be reassigned to change that. The problem is I don't know if I would really be a woman. I definitely wouldn't want to cross dress if I'm a male, but I would enjoy being a woman for that reason. On the flip side, I am not very sure if I would be a woman. I know this is a common feeling for gay teens, and they eventually discover themselves. I just feel very confused and I am definitely feeling depressed due to it. I wouldn't be able to work up the courage to tell anybody about this, especially since at one point I told my mom "sometimes I wish I was a girl" and she had a surprising response. She told me that she is okay with me being gay, but she feels like that is where the line would be drawn. I told her that I didn't actually feel that way and that I was just jealous of women. I seriously have no clue how I feel about this. I know I could tell a counselor about this, but I don't think I could ever work up the courage. This is very confusing for me, and I don't know if I can take it any more. I want to discover who I really am, and I'm worried that I would not be able to identify myself as a specific thing. This is really upsetting and frustrating, and I feel so alone. I know I am not because there are so many more people like me, but it's just a feeling that I can't get over. I think that's about it. If I think of any more relevant and useful information, I'll post it. In the meantime, can somebody help? :help:
Are you aware of the fact that you don't have to label yourself as male or female? If you want to you can just say "Fuck gender" and be who you want to be. I get what you're feeling, I to sometimes wish I was a girl, the fashion, the makeup, what they do all appeal to me occasionally but I don't see it as a bad thing; I see it as being me. So be you. Do what you want to do and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yes, I know I don't have to label myself. It's just something I feel like I need to do for myself. I know I probably shouldn't, but I just feel that way for some reason. Also, I wouldn't be able to get away with doing whatever I want since I have to be cautious because I'm worried about what my parents would do. I also don't know what I should do once I have the chance to move out and finally do what I feel like doing. ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 05:01 PM ---------- I'm starting to wonder... Could I be androgyne? I looked it up on the gender wikia, and it is a very general category that I feel I may fit in.
