Okay so i have been doing a lot of research lately about Gender Identities. I can't seem to see one that fits me anymore. Maybe i am confused. (why do i feel the need to put a label on myself?) I just tried to speak with a therapist online and after i gave some of my background history she left. I'm so frustrated. I just want help trying to figure out why i am so different. I mean I feel comfortable with the idea of Male genitalia, it actually excites me when i think of myself that way. I enjoy playing the "do i pass" game. I have comfortably participated in drag shows. But in the same aspect i don't despise my body as a female. The idea of having both breasts and a penis does not offend me. I like to get cute and dolled up as a girl. But i also like to get dressed up and portray myself as a male. (not only in the bedroom)... But it also interests me greatly when i think about transitioning. I just don't want to do something like that if i am also comfortable as a female too. I think i would feel like a part of me is gone. I am confused and frustrated and it's getting to the point where i just want it all to stop. I think i'm overwhelmed. I don't know.... i'm sick of reading articles and articles of information that all blurs into one thing. I want to talk to someone that has experience in this area. I want to hear other peoples stories and get advice from a person that has had this exact situation. (or a situation close to mine) HELP :help:
I'm not in the exact same situation... maybe someone else can also tell their perspective. IMy opinion: You're in the situation like someone who has collected a lot of puzzle pieces, now turns them over and tries to make a picture of it. It sometimes takes time. Its like brewing, collecting ingredients, then waiting some and thinking. Maybe going over some threads and making small notes of some things that feel like being important. Imagine a large spectrum from male to female. Inside of this spectrum you have your own points where you feel comfortable. There are also points beyond this, which fall in non binary etc. Now where do you think you identify with most ? I clearly identify as woman, but know there are male behaviours I can come back to. Its part of me. If you have worked that out, you could go to the next step. How do you want your body to be ? You can try here a few things. Like binding, male clothing... and go with your feeling... if you feel joy... Other expressions are up to you... whom you prefer to be with... etc... This seems to be important. I for my part felt like a part that was built up as not me left, or merged. There is no such thing as trans enough, and there is a big variety of options. You nowadays have quite a few possibilities to do this, and there is not only one right way to do this. If you like both male and female expressions on yourself, do it. If you like to combine it into one style like androgyne, do it. Rember that gender expression and gender identity are two things. If you feel you do not identify clearly as man or woman, then you could simply try out what you like, maybe in general an androgyne style, and more female or male expressions when you feel like it. If you feel you need a bit of time, just take it. What I in general think is that some trans people tend to adapt to people in their surroundings a bit more than others. You might keep that in mind, trying to get a feeling for what comes from inside of you... like looking for a few quiet moments every day, reflecting on what comes from inside of you... or how something feels for you... and you could go with a feeling of joy here, too... hugs
thank you for your message. i just think i need to take some time off research and do some inner thinking and some "trying on" if you will.
