Hello everybody, I joined this site because for the past few months ive been struggling alot with my gender identity. I've been looking at numerous youtube videos about people's transitions and how they knew they were transgender. I've taken some quizzes to help get an idea, but I'm still very much at a loss. I've always felt alittle more feminine than most of my peers. At the same time i would not say that I'm not masculine. I've always accepted that for, lack of a better term, I am androgynous. I feel like a man very in touch with his feminine side. However, lately (past few months) its gotten to a point where I'm no longer satisfied with simply identifying as a feminine guy. I'm not openly androgynous (as in i dont tell people i feel that way) I simply think of myself in that way. I've always been more nurturing, empathetic, patient and sensitive than most men that i know. I tend to do some minor mannerisms (and my behavior) that would be considered for the most part feminine. As a kid i would play with baby dolls (classic plastic baby dolls) and act as a parent for it. I would pretend to feed it, let it nap, and so on. Growing up i never went through a cootie (i think thats how you spell it : P) phase; ive always been open to the opposite sex. However, I come from a very unconventional family where for the most part (my dad would sometimes pressure me and my brother to act like "men" but he got better as we grew up) there were no gender pressures. Both me and my brother have always been very creative and sensitive males and my parents never shunned it. In private though (my parents have no idea) ive experimented with getting even more in touch with my feminine side with things like cross-dressing. I've done it multiple times but only here and there due to my lack of privacy (live with my parents). Im 21 and i wonder if maybe im transgender. I desire to have a female body (day dream about being one, cross-dressing, and practicing a woman's voice [which is hard i have a pretty deep voice]) but i see alot of transgender folks who have transitioned and say they've always been very very feminine, usually coming out as a gay first (i think im bisexual), neither of which i have felt/done. If anything the kind of woman i feel like is somewhere between xena the warrior princess and princess mononoke (just to give an idea of the kind of woman i see myself as being : P) I would open up to my parents right now about maybe seeing a gender therapist but its really not a good time. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer this past summer and i dont want to contribute to the stress that we all are feeling. Any help/guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Hello Naples, welcome to EC. First, sorry about your mother. I hope she gets better. It's good you had the courage to experiment, and even better than you enjoyed it. We all have feminine and masculine sides, and it's a pity to let them go to waste. I'm still in touch with the other side of myself, and not trying to supress or deny it. I'd look for LGBT center in your area, and also a good gender therapist and commit to at least a few appointments. It would do you a lot of good to talk to someone who is asking the same questions, and maybe get a different point of view, or just to hear other people's experiences. I understand you don't want to be a source of stress right now, with all that is going on in your family, but you've got a life of your own too, and have the right to take care about yourself. You don't need to come out to anyone right now (or anytime soon, if you don't want to). By the way... Could we exchange our voices?
Thank you for your condolences! I completely agree; ive always been open with my feminine side, i just feel that maybe its not so much that ive been open with my feminine side as much as it is that ive been open with my masculine side : P. I might look into some LGBT centers in my area i do want some guidance im just alittle apprehensive about it. I appreciate your response, i still feel confused, but you definitely helped put things in perspective. Also sure! : P Id love to sing in a higher pitched voice. I sing kinda like johnny cash (not to toot my own horn)
You could have a look at these threads: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/167401-ftm-help-am-i-trans.html#5 http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/167565-how-do-i-tell-my-mom.html#3 Coming out calmly if you want to talk to someone in person, you could call here: GLBT National Help Center Trans Lifeline - (877) 565-8860 - Transgender Hotline there are people there who might give you hints, and support... and you might ask for counseling with your next lgbt center... or for support groups... you might ask via phone or email, if you don't want to go there... and you might look up a few other threads... hugs
