Is gender identity taboo

Trans are not confused about their own gender. Being trans means you know and accept your gender, the problem is that your biological gender doesn't match your true gender.
It's hard for cisgendered men and women to understand the experience. Sometimes it's also hard for trans to understand what is going on with themselves. It might take years for them to know and accept it. Some decide to transition, some don't, and both are still trans.

When you are confused about your gender, you are questioning your gender. There is nothing wrong with questioning your gender.
When you don't accept the binary rules, you might call yourself genderqueer.

There is a difference between transgender and transexual.

Cross-dressers are not always trans.

At the end everyone uses the labels they like. Or they change the label as they get to know themselves better.

Ps: Getting sexually aroused by wearing clothes is called transvestic fetishism, and has nothing to do with being trans.

 

Watching videos may help? On youtube, I'd recommend The Real Alex Bertie and Jazz Jennings. Jazz, in particular, is an amazing girl -- she's so young but has done so much, and her story was, I think, one of my earlier exposures to trans issues. If you feel like it, watch the documentary 'I Am Jazz.' For her, though, it wasn't questioning her gender... She knew she was a girl.

I think you should also give yourself some credit. A friend came out as trans to me last summer. I didn't see it coming, had never expected to have a trans person in my life, had never really considered the possibility, but I was totally okay with it because why wouldn't I be? Sure, I doubt I understand everything he's gone through, but that doesn't mean I can't be accepting.

There is a difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, though. But a lot of the oppression/problems faced by trans people and sexual minorities have common causes. A lot of homophobia can be linked to people being uncomfortable with anything that upsets traditional gender roles. "But who's the man in the relationship?" people will ask of a lesbian couple. A feminine guy will be called gay and attacked. Actually, a transitioning woman could experience the same thing.

Wanting to have sex with someone of the same gender violates expectations of gender roles, and so does expressing a gender that's not the sex you were assigned at birth. LGB people (often) challenge gender norms, so it makes sense (to me) that they can be more accepting of trans people. Also, both "groups" go through the "coming to terms with yourself" and "coming out to others" stages.

 

There is also the fact that transgender people can be LGB too.

 

I don't think you sound rude at all, I think it's great you're trying to learn more.

Being transgender basically just means even though you were born biologically one gender, on the inside you feel like a different gender. Transsexual usually refers to transgender people that have medically transitioned through hormone therapy and/or surgery. If someone tells you that they're questioning their gender, just be supportive of them in it.

It's pretty hard to explain being transgender to cisgender people, so I understand being confused. Some common misconceptions I'd like to clear up though: being trans has nothing to do with your sexuality, and being trans is different from crossdressing.

For me at least, being trans means that I feel very uncomfortable having a female body and being addressed as a female, and I feel like I should have been born a boy.

A lot of people think the T should be separated from the LGB, but personally I don't. I know they're different issues, but a lot of the problems LGB people face intersect with transgender problems, and lots of transgender people are LGB too.

 

No worries, I'm glad you asked.

Vodkabaret has summed it up very nicely, but I'll add in my own perspective.

You're right, gender and sexuality are two very different things. But sometimes there is some overlap in the issues faced, other times not at all. (I think there is currently a lot of debate with in the community as to if the "T" should be separate from the "LGB." So very good question)

If someone tells you that they are questioning their gender/ trans/ or any other gender variant here's what I would suggest:

+Acknowledge that they came out. Let them know you are there for them and that you want to be supportive. Ask them how you can be supportive.

+Ask them what pronouns and descriptors they prefer. Use them and avoid using triggering ones. (really ask if they have issues with certain descriptors, for me these can be very triggering*.)

+If you want to ask them questions ask first if its okay, and then let them know if any question makes them uncomfortable they don't have to answer it. Please don't ask about what's in our pants. It really doesn't matter unless your our doctor or are planning on engaging in sexual acts.

-What not to do: don't pretend they didn't tell you anything. Don't laugh and walk away when they ask you to use certain descriptors. Don't tell them they are really X gender. Don't try to talk the out of how they are feeling.

*triggering = dysphoria enduing. Aka reminding us that we are viewed in a way that is incongruous to how we feel. (If you are or were closeted remember that feeling when everyone would assume you liked only guys, and you get that needle pricking feeling in your heart every time someone says something anti LGB, now imagine that but every time you hear your name. Every time your mother calls you her beautiful daughter. Every time a stranger calls you miss. Every time you are with a group of women and they assume you are one of them, even though you're not. The list could go on and on... It really isn't a good feeling.)

To maybe try to give some perspective here's a little scenario. Imagine you, as a female, are in a group of guys. They look at you and think of you as a guy, they treat you like a guy, and call you by male descriptors. You think this is odd, so you walk home. You walk in the door and your mother calls you her son, you're now very confused. But then she continues. Suddenly you remember that you have a male body, it comes crashing down on you just as your mother is talking about how happy she is to see you growing up into such a fine young man. She can't wait for you to bring home your girlfriend, and she's gleefully waiting for the day when you father children. You're almost panicking now, as you remember the twisted reality that you're living in with each male descriptor you hear used by your mother as she talks about you to her friend on the phone.

You rush into the bathroom to escape the noise, but when you get in there there's a mirror. F***. You forgot about that. As you look at the face reflected back you stare in confusion. Is that stubble? No, you can't be getting facial hair. I'm a girl, you think. Your jawline is starting to square out as you start puberty and you feel uncomfortable as you see your broad shoulders and unfortunately prominent adams apple reflected back at you. But your eyes are pretty, and you have long lashes, so maybe if you ever can transition into the girl you know you are, maybe that's a sign you'll pass. But then your mother calls your name, "Jason!" You almost don't hear it, as you've become so numb to the word that you've despised your entire life, "Can you come here, I need a boy's opinion." Reluctantly, you head back into the kitchen and your heart sinks knowing that even answering this inconsequential question is a lie.

Here's another trans life simlator I found on tumblr the other day. Its extremely informative. Sugarcane

Hopefully that gives you a glimpse into how it might feel to be trans. The key is to listen. Be respectful. And be kind. They are just another person, being trans is only a part of that.

 

It's ok, lots of people have trouble understanding what it means to be transgender, because gender is so fundamental to who we are that it's nearly impossible to relay the experience of being trans* to someone who is cis, and vice versa. What's good is that you're open-minded and want to know more!

This video is a great example of why "T" is in LGBT. Basically, LGBT folks all defy society's expected gender norms in some way and are often treated badly because of that.

The best way to really explain what being transgender means is to think of gender identity as three separate sliding scales:

Sex:
Female<----------|---------->Male

Gender:
Woman<----------|---------->Man

Gender Expression:
Feminine<----------|---------->Masculine

Sex is what we are often assigned at birth based solely on our genitalia, either as female, male, or sometimes intersex. However not even sex (link potentially NSFW) is truly a binary between "male" and "female" and there are many people who fall somewhere in between.

Gender is what you are *inside your head*. To explain this, imagine if you woke up one day and realized that your body changed overnight to a man's body. Does this mean you'll immediately start calling yourself a man? Even if your body at that moment was male, in your mind you would still call yourself a woman and see yourself as one. In this way, gender is an *internalized* part of our identity which can't be changed by external influences. For most people, their concept of who they are in their heads matches up with their sex, so they are called "cisgender". Some people are *not* the gender which necessarily "matches" their assigned sex. They may identify as the opposite sex, somewhere between either "man" or "woman", or vary between the two from day-to-day. These people all fall under "transgender", which serves as an umbrella term for people who do not identity with their assigned sex. Science still isn't completely sure about what "causes" people to be trans*, but there is proof that the brains of transgender folk operate more like the ones of their identified gender rather than the sex they were assigned to at birth. Being trans* is *not* a mental disorder. Rather, some trans* folk see it as a physical condition where the body developed in the wrong way.

Gender Expression is how you would like to present yourself to the world. It's important to note that your gender expression does *not* impact your gender identity in any way. A ciswoman can dress in a masculine manner, and she'll still be a woman. A transman can be feminine, but that doesn't make him any less of a man. Simply put, gender expression is just the way you like to dress and act and is irrelevant to your identified gender. Cross-dressers are people who identify as one gender but like to dress as the other gender, either for entertainment, enjoyment, or other purposes. Just because they dress as the opposite gender doesn't mean they *are* the opposite gender. A drag queen, for example, is a man who likes to dress as a woman, but that doesn't mean that he is a woman.

As a side note, sexual orientation and gender identity are also two separate things. A transman can be gay, bi, straight, or pan, and a transwoman can also be lesbian, bi, straight or pan. Just like how a gay man isn't automatically "a woman" because he likes other men, a transgender person's identity isn't invalidated if he/she/they like people who are of the same gender.


That was a quick overview of what transgender means, but there's much, much more. I would suggest reading articles and looking around youtube for more information. As for how to support someone who is either questioning or came out to you, just...you know, be respectful. Understand that if they came out to you that means they put a LOT of trust in you as a friend. Try your best to use their preferred name and pronouns and just treat them like any other human being. Try to avoid anything which may trigger their dysphoria, such as reminding them about their biological limitations, and be aware that just because they came out to you doesn't mean they're necessarily comfortable with answering all your questions about being trans*, personal or not.

 

You could look here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/167589-what-does-feel-like.html#15

and here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/168375-i-need-someone-explain-me.html#3

for further descriptions, with a few pictures etc.

hugs

As to the T in LGBT:
http://www.advocate.com/politics/tr...orative-plaque-erase-trans-peoples-role-riots

Trans activists say the use of the term 'gay' as an umbrella term erases the historic importance of trans and gender-nonconforming people in the riots that launched the modern LGBT equality movement.

New York City is currently considering installing a plaque at the site of the historic Stonewall Inn, the Greenwich Village bar where in 1969, bar patrons — including trans women, lesbians, drag queens, and gay men — fought back against ... harassment, leading to a riot that lasted three days and, by most estimations, started the modern LGBT rights movement.

 

I believe most of the bases have been covered, so, kudos to everybody who contributed.

I'll copy and paste, something of mine from a past thread, that explains my perspective to you (hopefully):