Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I identify as a bisexual female, and I'm only out to very few friends, and to my boyfriend. But what really brings me here is for the sake of my relationship. I found this new term while searching for something I've been feeling for a long time, and I've decided to identify with it. It's called "autoandrophilia". What the heck? They call it a fetish, but that kind of perverts it when you think of it like that. I've been feeling deep shame when having sex with my boyfriend because it's like I can't get off unless I pretend I have a penis when I close my eyes. It's made me question my sexuality, and got me thinking that maybe I'm not bisexual, maybe I'm a lesbian. It's much easier to imagine my boyfriend as a woman, rather a man, perhaps because gay male sex has never appealed to me, or perhaps heterosexual misogynist porn has brain washed me (which I quit by the way for that reason-3 months clean), or it could be simply because I like the idea of penetrating a vagina and have penis envy of some sort. I also catch myself making male mannerisms sometimes, it makes me feel awesome, but I want to remain female. When I ran into "autoandrophilia" and felt a lot more clear that I'm not a lesbian, and that the fantasies I'm having are normal. But this doesn't clear away any of the guilt I feel. I feel so guilty that I'm not having sex with my boyfriend, but instead a make belief fantasy woman with no identity, just woman parts. It disgusts me because I feel I'm objectifying women, and I want to be in the zone with my boyfriend. So I've told him my fantasy's and it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I think it bothers me so much, because I feel like if he was thinking that, I would feel inadequate during sex. He's very open with gender and sexuality and is a feminine guy himself, so the problem is not him or opening up to him. The problem is just how I feel about this, and I don't know what to think and don't know how to feel okay about this.
Hi Rainbow, First, I need to point out that while some words do have a kind of reality to them - I can't begin to describe how exhausted and crappy days like today where I have to switch back to guy mode leave me feeling, and hearing "sir" is a huge part of that - they are just words. They are a way of describing you and your reality. The reason a lot of people don't like either of the auto words is because psychiatrists used to use them to reinforce a few sexist stereotypes and deny some people seeking it medical help. Ironically, the people who came up with them recommended some people autogynophilia and autoandrophilia described, medically transition. I am not fond of the terms because they are not consistent with other things I know for a fact to be true. I am a scientific minded person. Unlike most models, we can't simply fix the auto words so they match up to reality, because there is a lot of political weight to them. So even though it feels weird to hate something that is just words and ideas for someone like me, I still do. My biggest issue is that my sexuality is not what I would consider the biggest piece. I am attracted to women, and I do have to be comfortable with mysrlf as a woman to enjoy sex, but if I never had another sex partner and never tcob'd on my own again, I would still need to transition. The way most people understand the auto terms, people like me don't exist. However, one thing I think should never ever happen, is people like you choosing to use those words getting crap and being made to feel bad about yourself. Anyone doing that is wrong. You have room to figure out who you are and pick any words and models you need to. As long as you are being open with how you feel with your boyfriend - or if the chips fall that way girlfriend - that is all that matters IMO. Just live without srcrets in you can and feel free to try on whwhatever hat fits.
You might have a look here: The Difference between Androgyny and Tomboyishness - Gender Discussion Its completely ok if you identify sometimes on the male end of the spectrum... just take your time to figure this out... but its completely all right .
