Dear Friends, I am seriously confused, and was hoping for some help. Please excuse my ignorance in advance. I have known I was a lesbian since I was in high school (which was, ahem, quite some time ago). However, that is the only thing I am sure of. Am I femme? Lipstick? Do I identify as gender fluid? Non-binary? I am so confused and I am having a really hard time finding enough reliable information to figure this out. I am biologically female and I do identify as female. I don't have dysphoria or wanting to be a man. However, I do vary wildly in how I present myself, whether it be more masculine or feminine. Right now I am in a VERY girly girl stage. I wear predominantly dresses and skirts, although I don't care much for makeup. However, sometimes I wear very masculine clothes, pull my hair back...I am not trying to "pass" as male, I just prefer looking more masculine. This is causing me a few problems. First, I have no idea what to call myself. I know people say labels are not important, but I just want to know how to describe myself. I'm starting to come out more to people, and it is very hard to come out to someone when you don't have a name for what you are. The term "gender fluid" seems to make sense to me, but does it fit since I don't believe I am changing from male to female? I am starting to have some problems with family members yelling at me on my masculine days. I really need to be able to explain this to them before it causes any more fights. It is also causing some problems at my job as a teacher at a conservative Catholic school. I'm really struggling with this and just need a little direction. What can I call myself? What IS this? Is this normal? Thank you for listening. -G
You said that you do identify as female, so to me it just sounds like you sometimes prefer to dress more masculinely or femininely. It's perfectly normal, there's lots of girls that like to dress masculine sometimes.
Yeah, if you identify as female, then you're female. On your days when you dress in a more masculine manner do want to be seen as male/female/neither/both? How would you feel if someone addressed you by male pronouns when you were wearing more masculine/ androgynous clothing? Do you feel like your gender changes when you change clothing? And while having a label can be nice, and I understand why people like them, its more important to feel that you are being true to yourself and your personal identity. The rest will fall into place. As for causing conflict at work and home, and worrying about coming out. Just take your time, be you and try not to stress over people not knowing or understanding. (Trust me I know its hard and it takes a lot to adopt this mentality, but it helps. It really does.) And as long as you are within the dress code for the professional attire of Catholic school they shouldn't be able to bother you. I attended a Catholic high school myself, and while I know they are exempt form some laws because of their religious affiliation, they cannot discriminate against people based on the clothing they choose to wear as long as it is work appropriate. If its causing you issues with work relationships, try talking to HR (if there is one at your school), they might be able to help. And for now you can just tell people that somedays you're more comfortable in that style of clothing, you don't need to tell them a label to explain yourself. I hope your able to find some clarity soon. (*hug*)
