So I'm in Hawaii (yay!) for my winter vacation with my sister and mom, and two other families. Sadly my vacation is nearing its end, but that's a different story. I came out to my friend who happens to be on vacation with me, at school before we went on vacation. I told them that I'm trans, and later told them that my preference is to guys (although I am willing to date anyone), and that turned out great. Today, I was on the beach with my mom, just sitting, and she doesn't know any of this. The only people who know I'm trans at this point is my friend, my friend's parents (very close family friends), and my sister, and of course you guys. I brought up a topic relating to trans people and gender identities which brought on her question of, "What gender do you feel like?". I had a slight heart attack because I knew this conversation would have to come up some time soon, but I wasn't prepared. I ended up telling her that I didn't feel comfortable identifying as female, and that I feel like a guy. I didn't outright say to her I was trans, because I didn't know how it would turn out. She took it pretty well, and we talked about it a bit, which was all fine. Then she brought up that I still had time to think about it, and that I was still young. This offended me, because it was exactly what I was worried about. I know I'm still a young teenager, but the fact that purposefully or not, I had my identity invalidated hurt me, because that was how I felt in the past few months and I felt no one would take me seriously about my gender identity because of my age. I didn't tell her my preferred pronouns and name, as I plan on having that as a totally different conversation because her response didn't make me comfortable saying it. Don't really know where I'm going with this, but have any of you guys had similar experiences? I hate feeling that who I am is invalid because of my age. On the plus side of today, the information lady at the front desk called me my mom's son! One step closer to passing... Can't wait to revamp my wardrobe once I'm out to my family completely.
thats amazing that you came out to her im from WA too i also know what it like because of my age. i ignore them and say that its my like i have the right to be whoever i wand
You could have a look here: Coming out Some people come out in a letter: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/165521-trans-coming-out-letter-draft.html You could even post your draft, looking for advice. (*hug*)
At the age of 21 I had my parents say to me that I'm still figuring things out, to a certain extent. You can't blame parents for wanting to ask "are you sure?" They likely don't see it as a way for them to invalidate your identity. They just want to make sure YOU'RE sure. Sometimes the only way to do this is by telling them assertively how confident you are. And if you're not that confident, and making such an assertion would feel false to you, then there's NOTHING wrong with taking more time to figure yourself out. It ain't a race! Of course, if you're sure, and you're sure you're sure, then that's good for you. Bear with your parents and do what you can to let them know how much your identity means for you. It's difficult for people to cope with change, and it's a parent's nature to be protective. What's important for you to find out is how much they'll stick with you, support you and love you no matter who you are.
If you're a child, you're too young to know better. By the time you're a teenager, you're just confused, or experimenting. And by the time you're an adult, you can't be serious, because you should have known when you were younger. And all of that, of course, is total crap. Try not to feel invalidated by your mom's comment. It sounds like she handled it pretty well, and I think with a little time and education, she'll find it easy to accept you.
It sounds like your mother is willing to support you. That is a good sign. It just sounds like she does not know what to say to support you best. Maybe you could show her some transgender information when your feel comfortable doing so.
:icon_bigg So true... No, I never told my parents, 'cause I knew they would react with you are too young. Or even worse, they would ask me Are you a lesbian? . So I have kept it to myself until this stage when they'll go you can't be serious, because you should have known when you were younger... My father is ok with it, he is still a bit shocked, 'cause he didn't saw it coming, but he is ok... Trying to understand me... My mother doesn't know yet... I'm not so sure she'll be as accepting as yours. 'Cause she is accepting, like most of guys/girls said here, she just needs time to cope with this. For some reason, moms tend to dislike the idea of losing a daughter, even if they are winning a son -which I think it might be the reason why dads are more accepting. Don't feel invalidated. They won't accept anything because you are too young to know. This is not only about gender : It's about political opinions, what you think about life in general... Give her time, and give her maybe some material on being trans and what does that mean. I think it's great you were honest with her, even if that wasn't coming out. Congrats! (*hug*)
Thank you so much everyone! <3 I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes my self esteem issues weigh me down. Later on that day I asked her if she could try and stop using gendered terms when referring to me (daughter, girl, etc.), and she looked REALLY confused and gave me a weird face, and awkwardly said "okay?...". After that, she continued to use "daughter", "she", etc. which really bummed me out. On the plus side, my sister was with us when my mom said these words, and she corrected her for me! It felt great, and it was nice because I didn't have the courage to tell my mom myself because I didn't want to make a scene. Honestly, I don't know if I would be here without my sister. Life would be hell without her. I will probably have lead up conversations with her, and in the end tell her to call me Ian, and not Rachel... I have a feeling she will get teary-eyed when I say that, ha ha.
Hey Ian, I'm happy to hear that you're coming to terms with who you are. And coming out, even if its not using the term, is a huge step, and I'm glad to hear you've got your sister's support. Congrats man! Even though its hard sometimes when people, especially parents, aren't accepting, don't let their reservations and doubt bring you down. Like Clockworkfox, said if its not you're too young, you're too old. You know who you are, and that's huge. Parent's just take time to come around be that gender or sexuality. They knew you one way for your whole life, and had expectations and dreams for you, that now they have to let go of. People will try to cling onto things to avoid change; be that your age, stereotypes they have about trans people, or whatever reservation they have. Try to remember that its their reservations and insecurities speaking, not yours. It takes time and patience to cope with hesitant or un-accepting parents, and I really hope that given time your mother comes around. When I told my mom I liked girls, it took her about 4 months to really be okay with that fact. So know that it takes time to adjust. Just like you might have taken some time to adjust to the idea yourself, your mother likely needs to do the same. I know its rough, but in the mean time, know you've got your sister. And maybe if your mom sees her calling you Ian and using the correct pronouns for you, she will be more willing to do the same. You are being true to yourself, and you will become happier by doing so. So even though it might take time for your mom to adjust to the news, once she sees that its making you happier, she might have an easier time accepting you. If you ever feel comfortable telling her you're trans, there is a really great video by Skylarkeleven on youtube that you might want to watch/show her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByG1DZmdoX0 Congrats on coming out, and I'm glad your sister is supportive (*hug*)
