Hi. I'm AFAB and I've had issues with my gender identity for a long time now (i.e., since childhood). At the moment I have no idea what I actually am - I know labels aren't absolutely necessary, but I like having my own ones partly because it helps me understand myself better. In all honesty, I'm terrified to face these things head on but I know by now that I can't really ignore them and they won't go away. The main issue I have with working out my identity is that I don't consistently feel strongly toward either girl or boy. I feel comfortable with things like she/her pronouns, but I don't feel entirely like a woman. I feel more like a mixture of both - sometimes I feel more like a girl, and sometimes more like a boy, but I never feel either entirely. I always present as a woman, but the idea of presenting as a man is appealing in a lot of ways (I don't really have the confidence to pull it off, but if I did I would love to try it). That said, I usually feel most comfortable in clothes that aren't either too (traditionally) masculine or feminine, so I usually avoid things like dresses etc. as I feel wrong in things like that. All that said, I don't feel entirely comfortable being addressed by he/him pronouns, and when I get mistaken for a boy I tend to get a bit offended - I can't tell whether this is because of self-esteem and body image issues (e.g., 'I'm not presenting as a man and so to be seen that way is to suggest I'm just a very unattractive woman' - which probably sounds silly but it's something that's been drummed into me over time), or if it's because I've repressed a lot of gender issues for so long that it's a reaction developed through that, or if it's something else... I couldn't say. For me, the idea of being a man is good. The idea of being a woman is also good. What does that make me? I've struggled with these feelings for almost 2 decades now and would really appreciate any help or advice. Thanks in advance.
You also could be more of in the middle with gender. You could be something more along the lines of agender or androgyne (both of those are identities that are sort of in the middle of the gender spectrum). There is a good list of identities here that you can take a look at as well. Questioning gender is hard process. For now, I would do what feels best to you.
As Brad has said, you could be somewhere on the non binary gender spectrum, whether that be gender neutral, demigirl/boy or something else. You may wish to consider genderfluidity, where your gender identity changes over time, and if that applies to you. But again, gender questioning takes time, and you may go through a number of labels before you find one that fits. You're not alone in your questioning, and if you need any extra support feel free to message me!
