Okay need of an applause, pat on the back or something. Because this felt like a bigger thing than I thought it would. But at the same time not. I have always been rather open on who I am to my friends, even if I lived in denial for several years. But I've never told any outsider I was transgender. Especially psychiatric, but I just met my new one that's supposed to help me with social anxiety. And she asked if there was something she should know about me. Among the things I usually say, that I need help and support for. I somewhat awkward, scared yet like it wasn't to much of a big deal. ...I said that I was transgender, and that it was time to live in denial and it's probably a big reason I'm not well. So this is my first step coming out, and to gender therapy and getting in terms and becoming who I am. I'm rather scared.
Thanks! It helped that she's been working within mental help for many years and in the closest city that offers gender therapy. So she didn't even see it as a big thing. However I regret brushing it off in my own awkward defence saying I'm in no rush to seek gender therapy, even if it would really help most of my struggles. It seems so easy for others to be honest and say how bad it really is when you're finally there. I find myself playing a role that I'm fine. How am I supposed to avoid that!?
May I scratch your head? There must be a reason for your self-sabotage. It could be fear, or it could be something else like self-hate. Keep being honest about your gender, specially if you are sure that they will take it seriously. At the end of the day, this is all about you, and those are doctors, so you better be honest about what and where is hurting you. (*hug*)
Riz-- I only recently allowed myself to accept that I'm trans, and as time goes on, it's become easier to acknowledge the unhealthy ways I deal (or fail to deal) with the distress. I've also been seeing my current therapist for almost a year--and she has made an effort to get me to talk more about all the stressors in my life, including the gender dysphoria. You may find the same thing. In any case, as you develop your therapist-patient relationship, it might get easier to be honest about the really bad stuff. Try journaling, and consider showing the therapist what you write.
