Almost a year ago (I was 15 then), I realized that was gay. This not only opened up a new freedom to express my attraction to women, but to also express my masculinity. Until two or three months ago, I felt pretty confident that I was a cisgender female with a masculine gender expression, but now I'm not so sure. I've tried asking around other places online, but haven't gotten any advice so I thought maybe this forum would help. Here are the reasons I think I'm still a butch lesbian, and the reasons I think I might be a trans guy. I know, I know - only I can define my own gender. But any input would be great. Butch lesbian: I'm proud to be someone who doesn't conform to expected gender norms and I love the concept of female masculinity. I really like this label, and I think it suits me. Also, if I were a trans guy, that would make me heterosexual (because I like girls) and I CANNOT imagine calling myself heterosexual. I don't want to leave behind my gay/lesbian identity. It would feel like turning my back on it. The idea of not being able to call myself gay anymore is really painful to me. I love the lesbian community and I love everything about lesbian feminism. Transguy: When I was a kid, I always felt like I belonged with the boys. I didn't feel like a girl. It was a long time before I really realized I was a "girl". I removed watching TV shows where it would be a "girls vs. boys" thing and I would root for the boys because I thought I was one. Especially lately, I've been realizing how little I really feel like a girl. When someone references the fact that I'm a girl in any situation, however innocuous, I feel really angry and want to say something to them, but I don't know what I would say since I'm technically not trans. I always feel more like the dudes than the girls, and it embarrasses me to be labeled as a girl. I'm not really fond of female pronouns either. Also, I do get gender dysphoria, which I know can happen w/ butch lesbians too, but I don't know... I really like being mistaken for a dude, but i've talked to a few butch lesbians recently who say that they hate it when that happens and they think it's embarassing. I'm kinda scared at the idea that I might be trans. I kinda want to be able to experience actually living real life as a lesbian, which I won't be able to do at least until a I graduate from high school since I'm the only lesbian that I know and I only know a handful of bisexual and pansexual chicks. But I'm scared that if I DO turn out to be trans, then by then it will be too late to transition and HRT won't be as effective. AND I love being able to call myself a lesbian. It would suck to not be able to do that anymore. Maybe I just like to screw w/ straight/cis people's heads? Sorry that was so frickin' long. Didn't mean to write a novel. Btw, I'm positive that I'm not genderqueer. Non-binary people ARE pretty awesome though.
I agree with him : Trans. Plus the gender therapist... If you want. I also dislike the word heterosexual, but if that is what I am... Let it be that word, it's other people's choice to use it, nobody will put a gun in my mouth and force me to use that label, so... I don't have to if I don't want to. About being too late to start, tell me about it... Still, it depends also on your genes, and if you are into sports, and eating well. Being a lesbian means (amog other stuff) you describe yourself as a woman, be it butch or femme, but a woman.
Well if you say you wanna be a woman than you're probably not trans.At my school there's a girl(yes she's lesbian too) and everyone just mistakes her for a boy.She doesn't really mind so that wouldn't be uncommon. The fact that you are happy to be mistaken for a guy sometimes might be do to your pride of being gender non conforming.So as long as you like being a woman you are a woman.
Take some time to think about it. You may decide you like transmasculine rather than transgender--and you could always transition partially to alleviate your dysphoria. A therapist would be helpful, but it's also useful to talk through your feelings with others with similar experiences. I actually had some similar feelings, especially with regards to losing my queer card and no longer having the lesbian identity I grew into for so long. However, for me, it has become increasingly clear that "woman" is not where I belong--so, I suppose "lesbian" isn't, either. Butch is closer. Transgender is scary, but it feels like the probable inevitable conclusion to my personal journey. There is no reason you need to make this decision right now, though. Experiment with your presentation. Try new pronouns. Imagine yourself living life as a man--tell yourself, "My name is X and I am a man." Pretend to be other people talking about you, and see what you feel better about-- "Oh, yeah, I saw her yesterday, she's really pretty and cool." "Oh, yeah, I saw him yesterday, he's really handsome and cool." Stuff like that. Overall, you don't have to be afraid. There are other people going through the same thing, and you aren't as alone in this as you might think.
You do sound trans to me, however, as randomly me said, if you enjoy being a woman, that seems to contradict everything.
You sound like you might be trans, but being a butch lesbian with dysphoria is totally valid if that fits you better. What makes you sure you're not genderqueer? Finally, it's never too late to transition. HRT will still be effective when you're older, if that's what you decide you want to do. People who figure it out before puberty and go on blockers and stuff have it easiest, but there are plenty of people who transition at all sorts of ages and do just fine.
You sound I little bit like me. I have also always seen myself as a masculine/butch woman and I loved the idea of being someone who is gender non-conforming and I took pride in it. I also liked the label butch, but I wasn't a lesbian, I've always seen myself as bisexual. But I never felt like I was a girl, I've always identified more with the guys and felt like I was born in the wrong body, I even felt like I was a guy mentally and emotionally. I hated being reffered to as a girl/woman and be treated like one, it always made me angry, and I always felt euphoric when somebody had "mistaken" me for a guy. I also loved it when somebody says that something in me is masculine and hated it if they say that I have something feminine. When I started expressing more my masculine side I discovered how good it felt to be perceived as a man and I not only liked it when someone thought I was a boy, I also wished for that to happen everytime I went out and often found myself watching videos about how to pass. At that time I also realised that I had a lot more body dysphoria than I thought I had. I also felt really jealous everytime I saw transition videos and I wished I could do that. As a child, I was the same like you and I always wished I was a boy and wanted to become one. But I was always afraid of labeling myself as transgender, even the possibilty of it made me scared. Also, I believed that it's not possible to be born the wrong gender and that transitioning was something wrong. Then I realised that cis women don't feel this way and that I shouldn't be afraid to explore my feelings and I should see what is right for me. I also realised that it's never too late to transition, so if you feel that this is the right thing for you - do it. There are people who transition in their 30s or 40s and look great. Also, you can be a transman and still don't conform to gender norms. I realised that I like the idea of being a gender non-conforming male a lot more and that it suits way better the way I feel than being a gender non-conforming female.
This sounds a lot like me when I was still trying to come to terms with my gender. In fact-I'm still terrified of being trans (although now a lot less, I've accepted it and I'm in the slow process of trying to lose the internalized transphobia that I have to make myself feel more comfortable with myself). I still get days where it's overwhelming sometimes and think to myself that I shouldn't transition (although now they are few and far between). I'm also still afraid of losing that gay part of my identity. A few things that I found comforting was that a few transmasculine people also don't want to separate themselves from the gay community, and they find a space to still feel 'in' with the community and date queer women. I also found it's easier to call myself queer instead of straight. Hope this helps a little bit with your gender journey!
As you said, only you can know...but if you want my 2 cents, it sounds to me that you are transgender but you're sad to let go of the identity you've claimed for yourself as a butch lesbian. I can tell you from my experience that realizing you're trans is a grieving process. Not only do you grieve the life you could have had if you had been born cis gender, whether male or female, you also grieve the loss of the person you thought you were, however far away it may have been from the real you (in my case, a very long way). If you decide you are trans, I would think it's only natural you don't want to lose your identity as a lesbian. I think that may be why some trans guys continue to label themselves as lesbians post transition, even though by transitioning, that technically makes them heterosexual. ---------- Post added 25th Feb 2015 at 10:13 PM ---------- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSAqVa-NltQ
You could be trans masculine. I think the main thing is that if you swamy to identify as a lesbian, go right ahead. You don't have to identify as trans if you're not comfortable with that term. Also, neither term comes with any obligations of what to do with your body. It's about whatever makes you comfortable.
