My mom suddenly got a lot more worried today about me being trans. She is convinced that somebody is going to beat me up and murder me for being an abomination. I did my best to console her, which didn't amount to much. I know some people do pay a high price for living authentically, but death threats really haven't been on my mind ... I really haven't been taking those drastic consequences into consideration. My question for you all: have you ever felt like your life was in danger because of your gender identity? If so, why? Also, I'd like to hear what steps you take, if any, to stay safe as a trans person.
I'd say something in general, but... I'm going to give the floor to Pret Allez. This is the type of topic she shines in! Personally, to a nominal degree, at least for my general area. I'm fortunate in the regard I'm decently fit, and know some self-defense techniques. I'm not Bruce Lee, mind you, but you aren't going to touch me, without my consent, and leave unscathed -- you're getting a tooth knocked out, an eye blackened, or your testicles kicked so far up inside of you, you'll cough them out your mouth. A.k.a. I will fuck you up! Against your average individual, I'd do fine. Against super bigoted super ninjas, mm, that one is a bit tougher to call, LOL. But seriously, since I don't "pass" very well, folks see me as a man. With being perceived as a man, I have the benefits and perks of assumed masculinity, which ward off most threats. If I got dolled up, there is a chance somebody might say something, but I doubt they'd do anything. Beyond insults or ignorant remarks, basically. For me to even be in the realm of possibility for being harmed, I'd have to: - Be dolled up. - Intentionally go into a bad part of town. - Deliberately incite folks. Most violence against people, at least around here, is school yard bullying or drug-finance related. With some domestic situations going a bit too far, sprinkled here and there.
I worry about violence incessantly. Partly because it was ingrained in me as a dfab individual that people want to kidnap, rape, and/or murder me, partly because I'm trans and those statistics are way more terrifying for trans people, and partly because I am prone to paranoid delusions. While most violence against transpersons seems to be geared at transfeminine persons, I still can't quite shake this idea that one day I'll end up ganged up on because of my identity, and that if that happens I won't be able to do much about it because I am a diminutive noodle of a human.
I've been faking it most of my life not out of fear from physical danger, but to avoid unnecesary negative judgement and/or discrimination, which I think everyone of us does, or have done. However... Even in drag mode, and even if I don't have the physique of Wolverine (not yet...), the few ones who have tried to fuck with me have been mostly, and ironically, exlovers or exfriends, not strangers... They have had a taste of whatever is at my reach : A frying pan, a bottle, a bike, and even once a knife. If you get me there, most of the furniture on the room will be destroyed, and if you are in my way, I pray God help you, 'cause I sure won't... I'm usually a very quiet person, and I also keep very quiet even if I'm on a rage, I don't go on shouting, I just act, and for some reason I don't even notice pain until everything is over, the rush is overwhelming : I have to defend myself, the rest doesn't matter, even my own physical integrity... When I'm on a rage, I'm fearless, and the older I get, the worse it gets. ... As you have probably guessed, I've been about to lose my teeth, had black eyes, black and blue spots all around, and I even ended up on the emergency room after one of my ex tried to choke me down. It was him who called the ambulance. It was also him who got on troubles, I didn't even need to tell the police what happened, 'cause it was way too obvious. I'm not scared of physical violence, I've been there and I don't think that it will hurt more because I'm being myself, I think it's the opposite... For me it's way more humiliating when I'm faking, perhaps because of my gender, you know, and perhaps that is the reason why I am right now more than willing not to simply let it go, or wait for someone to rescue me. I'm also not the kind who enjoys drinking one beer after another in a (you-know-the-type) bar, and I avoid the wrong neighbourhoods like any sensible person would (don't have any bussiness there). Still I'm going to learn martial arts, 'cause not everytime you have a bottle or a frying pan next to you. I'm aware that the more I go further into presenting, the higher the chances some fool will try to attack me. Still, I won't let this fear stop me from being who I am. And there is still a chance you get hurt even if you are a big boy, you know... Four against one... A freaking gun... Whatever you can picture... Everytime you go out of the house, you risk something like that happening to you, regardless of gender or how strong you are. About getting insulted, sadly I've seen cis women and girls getting also insulted by random strangers : Clothing, fat/lack of fat... It's awful for women. It could come handy if you know where to find help, in case you need it, specially against discrimination. If it happens to you, and you let it go, you are not doing any of us a favor, you are indirectly helping such behaviours to continue. There is ways to defend yourself and stand up for yourself, and they don't have anything to do with physical violence.
