Some Trans issues

Tried once, couldn't do it. I couldn't ever be a girl, because I'm a guy.

Now no one calls me a female or they'll fucking get it.

 

Yes, I've been there for... 20 years.
It doesn't go away, but once you have accepted who you are, you are finally at peace... Scared as hell but at least finally at peace with yourself.

EC has helped me a lot, both by the advice people gave me, as well as seeing there are others like me, struggling with the same stuff. I never had the chance to speak freely about my gender issues, so I appreciate the forum and its people very much.

If I were you, I'd try to find a good LGBT center, and have some counseling.

Another thing that helped a lot was to stop thinking about my birth gender, and that I failed, and switch into I am a man and I'm proud of it mindset.
It takes ba... *cough* a lot of courage, but I'm doing it after 20 years of denial, everyday, so... I think it's not an impossible goal.

After all, this is your life, and it would be sad when you are looking back (being old) to see you didn't live your own life, but somebody else's.

Welcome back by the way.

 

I have a bad habit of switching between obsessing over my gender identity in my head and trying to ignore it. I would definitely recommend finding someone you can safely talk about it with, and finding other "gender benders" that you can discuss your experiences with. Good luck.

 

If thinking of being a different gender makes you stressed and panicked, think carefully about what in particular is making you stressed and panicked.

Are you really scared of being another gender? Or are you scared of the potential social repercussions that could come along with being another gender?

I was definitely scared about my own identity for quite a while. I started getting these feelings about seven years ago, and only really faced up to them a few months ago. What helped me to move forward was writing down my thoughts for myself, looking at them, reading them over, writing more. All the while, every time I had a painful question that might have scared me years ago, I wrote it down, looked at it, and did my best to answer it when I felt I was ready.

Bit by bit the conclusion I reached was that I loved having a girl identity, not a boy identity. Even though I was scared of the social repercussions (and I still am) there's no longer anything scary about being who I want to be. The step where I'm at now involves getting support and having conversations with my family, getting therapy, and opening up to my friends little by little.

So take this process one step at a time, starting with answering the questions that bother you. From there you can decide your direction—whether you're repulsed by the idea of being another gender, or whether that's really where your heart lies, and it's simply the fear and stigma of others that's holding you back, and feeding into your own insecurity.

 

Due to the massive amounts of stress and worry in my life last year, I went through a period of time of being excessively feminine and "body positive".

I lasted three days

I'm a lot less stressed now that I've embraced my true self. I was scared a lot of the time for what might be the consequences of socially transitioning so violently - but I'm out to pretty much everyone and I couldn't give a single care in the world. I'm loving myself at the moment, even though I can't without clothes on. Good luck to you my friend - I really hope it gets a bit easier for you knowing a lot of people go through the same thing. (*hug*)

 

Hey, I think I remember you posting a response to one of my posts a few months ago, welcome back

But no, I totally understand what your going through. Since I've realized my gender identity issues, (Ignoring the phase where I tried to convince myself I was a lesbian), there have definitely been days where I try to fem it up in a desperate attempt to be simply be a cisgender female. The thought of being trans is frightening with all that it entails, but these attempts to fit myself into a label that isn't right for me never works, and I just end up making myself feel more depressed.

When I start over analyzing my gender of start getting worried that I might be really be female, or that thinking I'm trans is a mistake; I've learned to just take a deep breath, close my eyes for a second, exhale, and try to recenter myself in my true gender identity.

I'll admit it, I put on the mask sometimes. Heck, I'll even try to convince myself even that the mask is me, that I'm a girl. And sometimes it works, a little bit, but I know deep down that its just not quite right, and it hurts a little bit more each time I try to convince myself that the mask is me. So now, I'm trying my best to remember that putting on the mask is a mask, that it's not me.

And I'm right there with you, in fact I've been quoted saying exactly that first half of your sentence multiple times, "I know the truth deep down, but I'm just not ready to face it."

Being trans is a lot to swallow, so its only natural that your brain is going to be spinning and that you are going to want to fall back onto an old identity that you perceive as safe. But you have to consider the potential harm that it does when you try to be someone you're not.

 

I feel this way too! Everyone else in the thread has summed it up better than I could have.

I get really bad waves between 'yes! im a guy!' and 'oh no this is a horrible mistake why am i ruining my life' and then just days where my mind just takes a break and goes with the flow. I'm still trying to figure out which parts of my thoughts truly reflect my inner identity, and which of them are just fear of the repercussions.