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Lost and confused...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by sslen, Feb 28, 2015.

  1. sslen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For a while now I've felt so sure that I was meant to be a woman, and when I get to feel womanly I am usually happier than I ever been, until last night. All day yesterday I began thinking about all the hurdles that stand in my way and things I have to face as a trans woman and it all got to me. I began doubting myself that I want on this journey, began doubting that I'm who I am. Today I'm slightly better, I feel more in touch with my feminine side but still wonder if this is who I'm meant to be. The thought of going out in public as a woman scares me because no matter how much I "look" like one I know that my voice, my build itself, all these things will be against me. I just don't know who I am anymore, its like I've lost myself while trying to find me. Is this normal? If so how can I be sure? I've read through other forums and still I just don't know. Part of me just wants to give up and go back to being my birth gender but even there I'm not happy or satisfied. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford therapy at the moment and I'm thinking thats the only thing that will help. Sorry for any rambling I am just in a bad spot within my mind right now and this place was the only place I could turn to:help::help:
     
  2. Nikinja

    Regular Member

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    Sslen,

    I believe that if you feel it in your heart that you are a woman, or that you would live more happily as a woman, then you should pursue your dream of living up to that. There is danger in expressing your authentic self, but it does not override the fulfillment granted from expressing your authentic self. You cannot live in fear of other people. You can protect yourself, but you should never deny yourself the opportunity to be yourself. If you are a woman, or if your gender is fluid enough to take the role of man or woman, depending on your preference, then you should embrace and express that. Not everyone needs to know who you are, but that does not mean that you, a beautiful soul, should go into hiding.

    Please let me know if I was any help.

    Nikinja
     
  3. shota

    shota Guest

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    I just feel your pain right now even though I've already started testosterone I still feel like it's just not enough I'm not man enough don't get me wrong people have told me don't worry I'm still a man even if I don't yet have any surgery to provide it
     
  4. sslen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2015
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Nikinja - Thank you, I feel better today I think for now I'll do as I've been doing which is wear the role of "man" out in public and be the woman I want when in the comfort of my home and around my close friends. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, they really mean alot to me. I am happier as a woman or when my friends treat me like another woman even if my physical looks don't match.

    I can't say if I'll ever go through with the surgery, one being the cost O.O, and also I do like to have kids one day