First time in girl mode .. went .. not so well.

Being in girl mode is being in a state. Being a girl, however, is having a trait. A state is passing or transient, and doesn't have to always apply, but a trait does.

Tell them you're a girl!

 

I hate my everything at this point I'm a boy!

 

You should be proud. But as Sam I Am said, being a girl is having a trait. Affirm your identity by coming out as a girl and dressing femininely more often. Take advantage of the opportunity to wear feminine clothes. Tell your closest friends that this is who you are, not just some costume. In fact, I would do that first, so it doesn't surprise them so much.

Shota, I see that you've been struggling a lot, but it is rude to post so abruptly about your own issues in other people's threads. We're trying to help someone already. If you want us to help you, please just open a new thread and we'll be happy to do so.

 

You should absolutely be proud!!! (*hug*) This was huge!!!

It happens to all of us, no matter how great we look. My very first time out, I was with an incredibly supportive friend. The second person I came out to actually. And so here I am, out as myself completely, and we're at Jimmy Johns, and as soon as she's done ordering, "that's all for me, I don't know what HE wants".

Now no one cared. I just got my sandwich. And my voice was pretty obviously masculine - even more so after that. In a way though, I mean, everyone around me intending to be supportive, you know it made some things harder. There was just no way to explain how I felt to the people around me because of it. They didn't see it as a big deal. Why was it a big deal to me?

Honestly, as much as I want to say "don't let it get you down", I know you can't help that. It's a hit to your confidence. It just is.

So instead what I can say, is that as I have gone on and shown your courage - which again, you should be very proud of - more and more, I started to notice that even if I occasionally got misgendered, I was still treated very differently from the way I was dressed up as a boy. The way people talk to me, right of way when I'm walking, little things. It became obvious that at least at some level, people saw me as a woman.

And eventually, I think partly because of that, it got harder to go out as a boy. And when that happened, when I was truly more comfortable as a woman than as a man in front of other people, when all that crap I was raised with was gone from my head and there was no shame, when it got weird to think of myself as ever having lived as a man. I not only had no trouble getting "she" and "her" from other people, I got it sometimes when I was dressed up like a boy.

So that's what I can say. This will get easier. Every time you go out, you will learn something. It will hurt less when you get called "he". You will start to think "what is their problem" instead of "oh god oh god what did I do wrong this time". Unfortunately, the flip side of that is that it will be harder - especially places where you have been accepted as a woman - to dress up like a boy. Today I am trying to buy a car and I am just dreading going out as a boy; I just dread how it is dealing with car people as a woman even more. It will feel exactly the way you felt the other day, every time you dress up like a boy. It won't feel safe any more. But in a way, that helps motivate me to keep moving forward anyway. That part of me knows there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's going to get there come hell or high water.

 

Saying they are a girl might not work for them since it's showing as genderfluid in their status. Which would mean that they're sometimes a girl, boy, etc. I'm guessing?

 

Did you told your friends to treat you like a girl or a boy by the way you dress?

 

Reading comprehension fail, sorry! :icon_redf

 

Ronin used gender neutral pronouns because he wasn't sure if you were on girl or boy mode.

 

It's hard enough to get old friends or family to change pronouns, but if you flip between these modes it'll be even harder.

I don't want to sound abrasive, but perhaps your appearance was not convincing enough. If you're being asked to wear makeup as a flag, there may be something lacking.

There is also a difference between looking feminine, and looking/being female. As an example even when I was presenting in male fashion I would still be thought of as a girl or was ambiguous enough that either my pronouns were confused or the observer could not tell my gender. It was not only looks, but how I carried myself, I never tried to present as something different, I was me, and me is female.

I'm saying some of this blindly though, because I do not even know what your goals are, to be female, or to play the field.
One thing humans in general greatly desire is /consistency/, we don't like change. Flipping between a male and or female presentation is challenging for everyone, and it also confuses the motives of the individual changing.

They could go from thinking you're a guy, to a odd occasion crossdresser, to transwoman, to fetishist, to <insert here>. This is a problem of message if you identify as transfemale, but if you are genderfluid as the label you have chosen says then this is something you might have to deal with, because we are habit creatures.

I have seen and heard of others who prefer to be more androgynous having trouble portraying or being received as the gender they are trying to portray and be received as. It's because of mixed signals, because the lines got blurred.

Also it was your first time, first times are always rough. If they know what you want and are going for, then you've done one of your parts.

 

That one Person, congrats that's hugh that you went out in girl mode.(*hug*) it was your first foray, and much further than many get (me included)

 

Gurl u need to be proud my first time out went almost exactly the same, accept for my friends let me borrow a corset and makeup. And even then i was still confused with a boy, over time u will adjust to it and they will learn to say she. Even my friends still slip up and say anthony and not Anastasia or say he instead of she . I will be here for u no matter what im proud of u, *hugs*

 

No, I was saying that I was the one who failed at reading comprehension when I missed the part about genderfluidity.

 

I'm sorry you're friends refused to acknowledge you, but at least they accepted your style.

 

Please talk to your friends about this. Don't be afraid to correct their pronouns. If you don't correct them, they might not even realize they're doing anything wrong.

Your presentation shouldn't have to be convincing for them to use the right pronouns. You could be presenting 100% male out of necessity on a day when you feel like a girl, and it would be entirely reasonable for you to ask for she/her pronouns and entirely possible for them to use them. It might be difficult for them to get used to switching back and forth, but at the very least you should be able to expect them to try to correct themselves. "He... I mean she" is still better than "he".

Congrats on your first time in girl mode!

 

My Dear Child :

OH, I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! You worked up te courage to go out dressed like a woman. You proved to yourself that it can be done. So what that people treated you like a guy ? You know that You aren't a guy anymore and you will NEVER be again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! This is your little victory, proving to the world that it just gained a trans-gender-ed WOMAN, and LOST a biological MALE. VICTORY IS YOURS!!!!! Chalk one up for our new gender.


DO NOT EVER FEEL THAT YOUR ADVENTURE WAS A FAILURE, IT WAS NOT.


Jaymegurl