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Just Venting

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AsheTheHuman, Mar 3, 2015.

  1. AsheTheHuman

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    GOD DAMMIT. Today was supposed to be the day- no wait, actually, LAST Tuesday was supposed to be the day, but I digress- that I FINALLY got my letter of recommendation. I took my parents along to see my therapist, and they want to talk a little bit before I come in. 10 minutes pass, then 20, then 40, then the WHOLE HOUR is UP. Then they FINALLY come out. In their hands, a folder. So my therapist asks me to follow her back into the office.
    "I gave your parents that hormone packet that we went over."
    "I thought you were going over it with them?"
    "Well, they asked about other stuff. I'm sorry we kind of lost track of time. They were really concerned that you were feeling lonely."
    Fine, whatever. I have been feeling a little lonely lately. At least they have the packet. Maybe next Tuesday. Then, my Dad starts talking to me.
    "You know, if you really want to go through with this, it's going to be very hard and alienating. I'm just not sure (our hometown) is the right place to do this. I think you should focus on making friends first, then figure out if transitioning is a good idea." WTF? I should LIE even MORE THAN I ALREADY AM about who I am to get a bunch of friends that don't even know the real me? Then you expect me to, if they're not okay with it, just not transition? To feel absolute shit about my entire body for the rest of my life? To live the lie I've already been living 17 Hellish years for the rest of my life? Well FUCK THAT. GOD DAMMIT. :bang::bang::bang: They don't understand what a Hell this is... At some point, you've got to stop coddling me and let me make my own decisions! DAMMIT!:bang::bang::bang:
     
  2. Awesome_trans_girl13

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    Oh wow sis, *hugs* im sorry fo hear that ur parents are being so stubborn. Hope all gets better :slight_smile:
     
  3. Michael

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    Caps lock... Yup, this is venting...

    Your dad is in denial, also scared for you. This reaction is normal. He is your father and worries not about you transitioning, but how the rest of the world around you is going to take it.
    The denial part is the suggestion to make some friends first.

    Look, you are not going to do yourself any favour if they see you angry as hell, so please try to calm down for your own good. As long as you are a minor, you have to deal with them. Sometimes they'll react like parents, and this is normal. Accept their reactions. Again, you have to deal with them... What is the best way to do this?

    You need to get them to understand how you feel. Without shouting or getting emotional. Express your emotions. Tell them (again) how you feel. Tell them you are going to feel much happier if you start now the process. Tell them you are more likely to feel way more social once you've started. Make sure they understand you are aware of the risks, but above all...

    This is a medical decission. It has been decided. Medical decission. Repeat those magic words again and again. It's not only you saying I want to transition, it's the doctor saying that too.

    Do you have any chance to stay with some relatives, maybe people who will be more open to the idea of starting right now?


    Also... (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  4. AsheTheHuman

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    I figured it was normal. It didn't come as an unexpected reaction either. Still though, he's known for a couple months now. Maybe now that it's an actual doctor saying it it's just now feeling real to him.

    I never showed any anger when I was with them. I kind of kept it bottled up and it kind of exploded out while I was typing. But yeah, calmly and rationally.

    You're right. And again, I think this is why my dad is only going through denial now. It's not just me saying it, it's a doctor too. The part about me being more social... I always kind of knew that that would be the case, but I've never thought about bringing that up to them. I definitely will.

    My dad actually brought up the possibility of going to live in California with my Aunt for a month or so to "see how it goes". Of course, I'd have to pull my own weight around the house, take some classes, get a job, etc. once I get there, but it's something I'd like to do. She's a lesbian herself and VERY supportive. He said that he and my mom would talk to her about it.

    Thank you. (*hug*)
     
  5. suninthesky

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    When do you turn 18?
     
  6. AsheTheHuman

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    August. But I'd like to be able to start as soon as I can. And then think of future steps. I've waited 17 years to figure out who I am, and know that I know, I'm getting a little impatient.
     
  7. Awesome_trans_girl13

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    Maybe try to show them that you really know what you are doing, tell them that you are sure of what you are doing, and that you are good with taking the risks involved with transitioning and that you are grown and old enough to make your own decisions
     
  8. AsheTheHuman

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    I'm trying to do that as best I can, sis. It's nice hearing from you after so long :slight_smile:
     
  9. Awesome_trans_girl13

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    Yeah, i missed you a lot sis *hugs*
     
  10. AsheTheHuman

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    :bang::bang::bang: My father is being absolutely unbearable. Before, I thought he at least wanted to understand. But now? I'm not even sure anymore. Here's just a sample, a small portion of the utter shit that has come out of his mouth.

    "You may want to rethink some of your out of the box ideas. They're only putting more pressure on you."

    That would be nice, wouldn't it? If my atheism, if my sexuality, if my gender, if they were all just ideas I could put on and take off like clothes. But guess what? THEY AREN'T. I. AM. A GIRL. I can be attracted toward just about anyone if they display enough femininity. I don't believe in a god. These are all part of what makes me me. I can't just flip a switch and go back. And what about you? You don't think YOU'RE putting pressure on me?

    And then today at my gender therapist. FOR A MONTH, I expected that any Tuesday, any Tuesday now, would be the day I FINALLY get my Letter of Recommendation. NOPE. My parent's reasoning? "[MY HOMETOWN] isn't the right place for this." Then WHERE IS? Where the HELL do you want me to go to take them? I'm already living in a constant and inescapable prison. HOW could it get any worse? I don't care anymore, I just... Please, will you one time... Just let me be myself?..:tears:
     
  11. Awesome_trans_girl13

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    Im sorry sis, but know u can ask me anything and u can talk to me about anything just say the word :slight_smile: i hope theres some way i can help