I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just if anyone else has felt this way? I'm 30 and only recently embracing who I am. (long story, and not the point of this thread). The thing is, I'm worried about having to live as a man for a while as part of the treatment stuff you have to do to get hormones and surgery. (I haven't started the process yet, I've just been reading a lot) It's not that I wouldn't love to, I would. The problem is that I can't pass for a man at all. Not even one little bit. My breasts are huge... there is NO hiding or binding them. Trying to look like a man right now would only make me look like a butch lesbian. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with looking that way if you're comfortable with it, but I'm not. Not one bit. That's not me at all, and I would feel uglier and more uncomfortable than I already do in this body. Short hair isn't going to make me look like a man, it will just make my feminine face look fatter and make me more self-conscious. I already wear clothes that I'm comfortable in, but it doesn't matter what I put on... nothing is going to make me look like a man with these giant things on my chest! :bang: I guess this might just be a rant.
If only we could swap body...:icon_wink Anyway, Bind as much as you can and wears layers upon layers of clothes? It will not hide things, but it will at least makes them less prominent. Try clothes with vertical lines pattern, it will makes you look taller and breaks the chest line at a glance. Wears a loose jacket/coat, so it hides your chest from the side. Scarfs if appropriate, will also be very useful at camouflaging your top. Distract people with accessories. A nice looking glass might take away the focus elsewhere. Some crazy hairstyle if you like it will also direct attentions. Be creative.
I'm in a similar boat. I'm short and curvy and round-faced and everything about my body screams female. I don't have any solutions or advice, but know that you're not alone. (*hug*)
If only! :-D I don't think it [binding] would help at all. I wear a HH cup size, you can only push them down so far, and it would just look like a super weird and uncomfortable mound on my chest. The clothing suggestions are helpful, and I do some of it already, but it just feels hopeless. No matter what I do they are there, refusing to be hidden. ---------- Post added 10th Mar 2015 at 02:20 AM ---------- (*hug*)
I recognize the feeling only then the other way round, i would really love to have a more feminine body but since i'm pretty tall (1,87 m) and i have a very masculine face and body even the best surgeon can't realy change me, besides that i have pretty big hands and feet (size 13). It's one of the reasons i accepted that even if i would i'm not gonna have surgery and transition to female but stay androgyne.
That has to be hard :icon_sad: I think with top surgery and T I couldn't definitely transition and pass. It's just the requirement of trying to live as a man when no one, even myself, will see me as one that gets to me. If insurance covered the procedure, then I guess I would just deal. The additional stress and awkwardness would be worth it. But I don't have, and can't get insurance that covers it anyway right now, so I feel like I should have the right to have them removed without jumping through hoops, just like anyone can get implants without jumping through them.
If you live in the states, you should talk to a doctor, preferably one that is used to dealing with LGBT people and knows the standards. I was able to get started on HRT long before I was full time. In fact, I am still dressing up like a boy for work and in the process of coming out there to this day. That is no guarantee that you can get started on hormones. There are medical problems some people have that make them a bad fit, and the fact that I was going to therapy and had a letter of recommendation helped. I am just saying, that the days when you had to be the girliest girl that ever girled to get any help at all are long behind us. I need to post more recent pics, but you can see from the very first one I took I definitely could not pass when I started. My drivers license is a hundred times more masculine, and other photos from back then are even dudelier. I was lucky enough to respond positively to HRT and I sometimes get ma'am when dressed as a boy. So do not feel like there is no hope either. I started at 32. A lot of it is how I present myself. I let it all to yhe surface, fighting nothing now. I practice my voice almost all the time. Being seen as a gay guy, I am embarrassed to say, used to hold me back. I had both some transphobia and homophobia to get past. But now that it isn't there, life is a lot easier. There are things you can do to move forward on your own that take jumping through no hoops at all. Have you looked into laser hair removal or electrolysis? Hon you will get there if you want to be there (*hug*) You are already a woman. Other people just have a hard time seeing you right now. I just know they will though.
I was thinking about this more, and had an epiphany. I've never really had any fashion. Clothes were clothes and they didn't matter to me. They still don't really. I just dress to be comfortable. But there IS a reason they don't matter to me. And in truth they actually do matter. The thing is, I can't stand the idea of finally wearing the male clothes I've always been drawn to while I have this body. It would be so disappointing and depressing to get them, look in the mirror and them look all wrong on me. The thought makes me want to cry. ---------- Post added 10th Mar 2015 at 10:18 AM ---------- Thank you. (I'm actually wanting to transition to male though, I think that got confused somewhere, but that's okay, everything you said still applies. Except for the hair removal :icon_wink ) This is all still really new for me. I just accepted myself as trans a couple weeks ago. I know I need to see someone soon and start talking about options.
I know it's hard, but you have to accept that the road to victory isn't easy. You can tart by maken subtile changes and try to accept yourself. There is always hope. Maybe you could go to a genderteam and ask them what the posibillities are, you can also go to your doctor and maybe you can have breast reduction first and then later on in the process full removal. You could say that you have serious mental problems due to the size of your breasts. You have to start somewhere.
Look for videos online. I've seen some of the most manly male to female people in the world become knock out beauties.
I know how you feel...even if it weren't for my age, and family obligations that make me hesitate about doing a full transition, I'm not sure I'd pass. My boobs aren't quite as big as yours, but I'm too curvy, and I'm not very tall, and I've got this terribly girly nose. I always thought the same thing about looking like a butch lesbian ... until I realised that I already do, anyway. I've also met a few of them over the years, and most of them were nice and interesting people. I'm starting to figure it's not the worst thing in the world to look to look like one. I'm in good company, you know? Do you think you might be able to get a breast reduction, at least? I thought that insurance will cover reduction surgery due to health reasons like back problems if you're really large in the chest.
I definitely will get it done as soon as I possibly can. Even if I have to jump through the hoops that will make me crazy. I'm confident that with top surgery and T, I would be able to pass. But even with T, without the top surgery, trying to get other people to see me as a man just isn't possible. And more importantly, I still wouldn't see me on the outside either.
