Really bad urge to cut my hair short- Help!

I am sorry that you are going through this. But you need to understand something, because I understand completely to what it feels like to have a close family member forbid you to do something with your hair. It was a problem in my life for a long time. Anyways, you need to realize that this is unacceptable of your mother. It's okay for her to dislike it. It's okay for her to be angry. Let her. Your body is your body. And you need to do what makes you comfortable. There is no 'allow'. Not with something like this. If you want it, you do it. End of story.

It's obviously effecting you on a deeper level. If you want to keep it from being sudden, you can perhaps sit down with your mother and have a serious heart-to-heart talk. I had to do this with mine. Several times. And she eventually just told me that it doesn't matter if she likes it or not, my body doesn't belong to her. It is the same with everyone. It doesn't matter what age you are. Just because you live with them does not give them license to own your body. Either way, you are free to do with yourself as you please. And they can cry or rage all they want- at the end of the day, you are the only one you need to please in this scenario. If having short hair makes you feel awesome and wonderful, you go for it! More power to you.

I hope this helps at least a little. I know it feels rotten to displease someone, but you can't always please everyone. And if it's something that is important to you and doesn't hurt anyone else, then there is no reason why you shouldn't do it. There will be plenty of people in life who will try to do that to you. And it will suck. But that is a lesson you have to carry with you and remind yourself of. Only you can choose what you do with your body. No one else. Please remember this. c:

I hope that you settle and that you feel amazing if/when you decide to cut your hair short. I certainly feel for you. Take care. Be safe. And don't pressure yourself so much. Not over something like this. <3

 

What..? Why won't she let you cut your hair? That's ridiculous.

Cut your hair!

If she wants to control you then just grab scissors and go into the bathroom.

It's /hair/. Hair grows back, hair today gone tomorrow. She loves you right? Why should she be mad? Does she pick your clothes? She pick your favourite colour? Does she make you listen to her music? It's not her right.

 

I'm with Dorian on this one. Cut it yourself. Then there's nothing she can do about it, except be grumpy.

Cutting your own hair is a shit tonne of fun. Especially if you don't care how bad it looks

 

Everyone who is encouraging you to "go for it" are grossly underestimating a parent's ability to make your life complete hell. Only you know your mother's "limits" and what she might do in return. Yes, it's horrible that she's controlling such a personal aspect of your life, but having long hair might be better than abuse/eviction/disownment, or whatever consequences may follow (I might be exaggerating, but I don't know your mother). Also, if you haphazardly commit a "rebellious" act, she will be less likely to listen to you and try to understand you in the future.

Be yourself, but be smart about it.

 

Just do it. I never even let my parents tell me what hairstyle to wear. Hell, even if I wanted to have a deathhawk I'd get it regardless of what they say.

 

I agree with WallWeed. If you cut it now, she'll be less understanding with other changes in the future. I'm not saying she'll be great about it as it is, but she certainly won't be cooperative if you do this without her permission.

Talk to her about why she doesn't want you to do it and see if you can convince her otherwise. Explain (you don't need to mention gender) that you would feel a lot more comfortable with the way you looked with short hair. Tell her it's easier to manage. And tell her that lots of "other girls" have short hair and still look great. I know it's gross to have to imply that you're a girl when you're not, but it might help convince her if she knows it's not such an uncommon thing.

In the mean time, whenever you get the chance (even if it's only when you're alone in your room), pin your hair up and hide it under a hat. You can't even tell it's there.
Present as masculinely as you can and think of yourself as just a dude with long hair. Remind yourself that plenty of guys, cis and trans, can rock long hair, and it doesn't make them any less masculine.

 

Preface: I'm not trying to debate.

However, we certainly don't know the whole story here. It sounds more to me that OP's mom is just one of those ladies who's in love with the idea of having a pretty princess daughter, not an abusive psychopath. I don't think she understands how much it means to OP. To revise my above response, I would seriously talk it through with her, ask her why she doesn't want your hair to be cut, and tell her how you feel about it.

Cutting your own hair really could go either way. She could be less cooperative in the future like AP said, but she might also take your requests more seriously, and realize it wasn't such a big fucking deal.

Again, take what I said with a grain of salt, as I don't have enough information, to give real advice. I think you should think about everyone's responses, and follow the advice you think applies most to your situation.

Good luck!

 

If you really want to avoid confrontation/being smoked out the closet and you just need it gone ASAP, then you could try some excuses. I know lots of people, myself included, who asked to donate their hair for charity. If it's long enough, you could ask to lop a lot off to donate it to be used in a wig. Race for life is also in a couple of months, so that is where the wigs may go to and it'll be relevant. If it's not long enough, you could just raise some money... If you can make her see a valid reason, even if it's not your valid reason, things might be easier at home.

Your mental health is so, so important. I don't know what options there are for you but if you can get your mum on board you can have a little bit of extra support. That being said, your mum's stubbornness shouldn't get in the way of your happiness. If she refuses to be supportive while you're still suffering, then I don't see why you should keep your hair for own selfish needs. As long as you are safe.

 

Wear it in a pony tail or in a bun. It's the middle ground between both of your wishes and the safest method for now. Some people get so uptight about hair, but hair and its lengths/styles have been slapped with gender ideals for a long time. Does your mom know that you're Trans, if she doesn't know or doesn't understand, she may think that you're gay and doesn't want others to think that as well.

I got into a similar battle with my grandmother. My mom didn't care if I cut it, so long as I didn't cut it too short. My grandmother thought I was gay (still does) and didn't want the people we knew at the salon to think I was. My long hair was also a source pride and a form of control on her part. She tried everything to prevent me from getting it cut. She even tried to guilt trip me and made a fool out of herself at the salon. With my mother's support, I got it cut. No one said that it made me look gay and my grandmother actually liked it.

However, it wasn't short enough for me. My grandmother actually accused me of being gay and purposefully cutting my hair to hurt her. My hair is still short I don't cut it to my desired length, for a number of reasons.

I've learned that it's best to take baby steps with situations like this. If you put your hair back, it should make you look less feminine. Gradually, trim it. Don't take big chunks off, make small trims. It should be harder to noticed and it will be a good way to make your mother used to you having short(er) hair. Good luck!

 

Preface... I saw no need to post here until I read...

Well, controlling the lenght of your daughter's hair and what she wears sounds controlling to me, and being controlling is one of the average abuser's traits. They will say it's for his/her own good, and so they'll happily justify a lot of abuse.

The idea of having a pretty princess daughter or teaching the young boy how to be a man have done a lot of damage among LGBT youth.

You do love people for being who they are, not because they try to fit your idea of a perfect son or daughter.

OP, cut your hair first, and then later try to explain to your mother that you love her, but the hair belongs to you. Keep calm but firm.

 

If you want to cut your hair. Go for it! ( It'll grow back anyways. )

 

I've encountered the same problem. Instead of cutting my hair, I got out some styling products and styled my hair to make it look short (I use a ton of hair gel to give it less volume since men's hair isn't as big as women's hair). If you google "long mens hairstyles", you're bound to see one that you like, or at least one that you can work with.

 

Just cut it. What's the worst thing that can happen? You're mom won't be happy about it, but eventually she will just have to get over it, since the haircut is already a fact. Don't let your parents decide for you how to look.

 

I'm going to tell you this as a transmale twice your age. The sooner you get her used to the idea, the easier your life is going to be (unless there are major safety concerns, of course). Its your hair. Cut it. What's she going to do? Glue it back on? It's hair. It grows back. She has to get over the idea that she can repress your autonomy.

You aren't wanting tattoos, piercings or any sort of permanent "disfigurement". You just want a hair cut. You're 14. She's going to have to choke down the idea of you making your own choices.