Ever since I was a kid, I have felt this way and I know it's wrong, but I feel trapped in my body. I don't want to conform to these stupid gender stereotypes, and I can't even if I try. It feels so wrong. It seems wrong, but I am hella lot more comfortable in men's clothes and with short hair. My legs are hairy and my stomach is kinda hairy and I am trying to grow something on my lip. Without HRT. I get depressed every night over this and worry where I will end up when I die. I am super dysphoric over my breasts and want to cut them off. And I am getting seen to by a specialist about my reproductive organs as I might have issues. I want to run away and break free. And live on my own. Gah, I dunno anymore. Where can I go from here? What can I do? Why me?
What you're feeling isn't wrong. It sounds to me like you're a trans guy. It doesn't have to be a horrible thing. Are you living with your parents? It can be a struggle to transition in any satisfying way when you're still living at home, but if you think your parents would be accepting, you could come out to them (you don't have to even tell them a label; you could just explain to them what you just explained to us), and they could help you out. Wear all the men's clothes you can. If your hair isn't already short, cut it. You can't change your body right away, but you can make the way you present feel as comfortable as it possibly can. Would you want people to use he/him pronouns? Coming out to close friends and having them treat you and refer to you as male can feel amazing. What I've listed above are all things you could start doing soon. In the future, going on T is an option. It will make you look and sound a lot more masculine, and you will pass as male to those around you. You mentioned severe top dysphoria; top surgery is also an option, and it sounds like it could be a good one for you. You didn't mention bottom dysphoria, but bottom surgery is an option if that is something you struggle with.
My parents? Nah. Not even going there. I can't even be myself without this forced feminity upon me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Like I am in drag. I can't talk about it. Yeah, I hate having to constantly wash my hair. It's a pain in the ass, though not that long. I just want a buzz cut or something manageable. And the clothes I have are big and comfortable and make me feel more confident. He/him? I do it online but not real life. I have no courage haha. Yes. I could pass as male if I didn't have a D Cup I reckon. Finding a binder which hides everything is probably impossible. Haha I am trying to loose weight and hope my cup size goes down to at least a C. I don't wanna wear a bra at all. It feels unnatural. It really does. Bottom surgery? Not sure. Maybe a packer or plastic penis would be enough. Not in a rush for sure.
First of all, the way that you feel is definitely not wrong. The way that somebody feels and what makes them happy is never wrong, unless it's something like murder that makes somebody happy, as murder is always wrong, but in a case like this, what makes you happy is NOT wrong. I understand how difficult situations like this could be, as although I'm not trans gender, I'm not really that masculine either, at least I don't feel that masculine, although I try to make myself more masculine. But anyway, the way you feel is never wrong. If anybody says that it is, they are the ones that are wrong. I promise you that. Second of all, there is no reason to worry about where you will go when you pass on. Personally, I'm an atheist, so I don't really believe that we go anywhere when we pass on, but I'm not going to tell you that you are wrong for believing that, but just realize that being trans gender or trying to make yourself feel comfortable in your own skin, would definitely not be a reason to be punished in any way, in life or in death. Third of all, if you feel more comfortable when you don't shave, or when you wear male clothes, then I suggest that you do those things. Life is too short to not make yourself happy, just because you worry about what others think about you. The only thing that I could say would be a bad idea, is to cut off your breasts. Doing something like that by yourself, rather than as a surgical procedure under the care of a surgeon, could be extremely dangerous for you and lead to infections. As for wanting to break free and just be by yourself, I know exactly how you feel. There are very few people that I feel comfortable around and actually enjoy spending time with, and besides that, I rather just be alone. I spend all of my time up in my room by myself, so that I don't even need to be around my family. I'm dealing with some pretty bad sexual issues, not like diseases, but more like self identification, so I always ask myself the same question "why me?". But I've started to realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way that I feel, and the things that make me happy. Just keep that in mind. Not that I'm starting to feel that way, but I mean to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you being happy, no matter what others may think of you. To be completely honest, the majority of people around the world don't even see a problem with people like you and/or me anymore, is the human race is definitely evolving and advancing. Anyway, my point is that there is nothing wrong with the way that you feel, and I suggest that you do whatever makes you happy, as life is too short to do anything but. Also, I'm always here to talk if you ever need a friend. Keep that in mind.
See if you can get your hair cut short. If you parents object because it's too masculine, tell them that all sorts of girls have short hair (I'm not saying you're a girl; I'm just saying that might help convince them) and it's just so much easier to manage. It definitely takes courage to come out to people, but if you ever do work up the courage, it feels awesome. There's definitely no pressure to tell anyone, but know that it's an option and can help relieve some dysphoria to have someone call you by the right pronouns. Binders are surprisingly effective, so while it may not hide everything, it certainly helps. If you layer clothes and dress to hide your chest, you could definitely pass as having a flat chest. Sports bras are at least a step up from normal bras, in that they'll help compress a bit. It can still feel icky to be wearing a bra, but for me I find that it's worth it when I can't wear an actual binder. Top surgery would certainly not be free, but it also wouldn't be something you'd be able to do right now. I don't know how old you are but I'm assuming you're under 18, in which case you'd need your parents' permission. It's something you would have to save up for and get when you're older or if you got your parents' support. Bottom surgery certainly isn't something everyone wants, so a packer might be plenty good enough. If you have the means to hide it from your parents, that's something you could try out and see if it makes you more comfortable. You can get a cheap packer (e.g. Mr Limpy) for only about $15.
Depends on where you live. Also, depending on the country, this kind of surgery might not be available to minors, even with the consent of a parent. I don't know the situation in Ireland, but it's something you might want to look into. For the rest, though, I agree.
Yeah. I'll ask if I can get it cut shorter, for the Summer. Hair is icky in the summer when it gets all greasy. Ew. Yeah. I'll see what I can do about that. I am starting a new college course in September hopefully. I wear sports bras atm and they help a great deal. I heard they can do good binders for a 44"-46" chest. I am big chested more so than big breasts. Anyway, it makes things look big haha. Top surgery? I am nineteen, so I am wondering if the NHS can help (I am still part of the UK). Yeah, I heard about Mr.Limpy. It sure beats stuffing your underwear with socks. Haha. I might try one sometime. I heard a lot of things can go wrong with bottom surgery, so I am reluctant to get it ,especially when it doesn't annoy me that much. I live in the UK. NHS funded. I think they can help. Not sure. I am over 18.
If your genitals do not bother you much, I would suggest not getting bottom surgery, at least for now. However, if you do feel like you would be much better off with male genitals instead, and you get to the point in your life where you really want it, I say go for the surgery. Pretty much every surgery could go wrong, but if you look into getting it and you completely trust the surgeon, chances are that it will work out just fine. I've actually had a bunch of surgeries, as I was born with a bunch of medical disorders, and they've all worked out just fine. I even had brain surgery done at the age of ten, so I know how scary surgery could be, but chances are that it will work out. Just make sure first that it's what you want. You could never go back from something like that. I'm not saying that it's not what you want, rather then telling you to just make sure. I hope this was helpful.
Yeah, its not so much my genitals. It's more my female body. I mean, I must have some tesosterone there. I am always hungry and quite hairy on my thighs, lip, chin, genitals and belly for where I am now (Pre-T). I get aroused easily and a sensitive clitoris. It's not PCOS, cause I still menstruate annoyingly. My breasts really annoy me, cause they're fat and droopy. I am a 44". I am trying to lose some more weight before I bind so I can fit into a smaller one. I heard Transmen grow a micropenis, which is usually 1-3 inches long. No laughing, but my only concern is having a constant hard on down there. I heard a lot of trans men do. I would be happy enough with that, as long as it didn't embarrass me.
Yeah, I totally understand. That probably won't be too obvious if it happens, so don't worry. And yeah, I'm trying to lose weight as well, so I know how hard it could be, but hey, we could do it. And then you'll be able to bind and be a happier person overall. Don't worry. It will all work out.
That's alright. You'll get yourself down to your goal soon enough, and then you will look fine. Even now you would probably look fine, it's just our brains that think that things like that will be obvious to others. It won't.
