I don't get it. I keep meeting straight men who think that they can grope me. They tell me I am not a man if I don't let them grope my feminine parts. What is this thing? This keeps happening too often. It's like they can't respect me as a man if I can't offer them some feminine parts to grope when I have those. It keeps happening again and again. Maybe I just go to places I shouldn't go. Does this happen to you? I have heard it happening to one other transguy who used to go to pubs. People wanted to touch his chest too often. I don't get this.
I think that these men are just trying to take advantage of you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! They might be saying that because they think it will give them the right/make it okay for them to grope you, which is horrible. Punch anyone who tries to touch you without your consent and doesn't respect you.
What kind of logic is this? I never heard of that before. They have no right to touch you without your consent, so just tell them off!
Touching without your consent is NEVER okay. As others have said, they may be trying to take advantage of you and your emotions.
I at least stop being nice when that happens. I tell them that their behaviour is not ok and that I am not listening that. It's not right that it's always me who has to leave. It's clear that these people have no respect for transpeople. Or anyone who is a bit different. They propably would make fun of me even if I passed because I am very small guy. I wish this will stop when I go on T.
How awful, I'm sorry. :/ I'm not trans* so I have no idea whether this is a common thing so no advice there, sorry. As female(ish) person, I get my share of inappropriate male attention, and I find it's best to be vocal about it where possible. Loudly tell the guy off so that everyone can hear. Being a trans* man adds a different dynamic though, so I'm not sure whether that would work for you. Can you talk to the bouncer/bar staff about it?
People don't touch other people for no reason, no matter who the people in question are. It is just basic unspoken rule is that you don't touch other people without them expressing actual, non-inhibited consent. I know it is unfair for you...that is why we are fighting against it.
Yup. To avoid further trouble, don't frequent certain stablishments full of jerks. I was never the bar type (hard to believe, I know, but it's so), I always had a zero tolerance policy when it came to strangers touching me. Sounds good, but the last time I came damn clse to start a fight, just because a dumb drunk stumbled upon my shoulder for a nanosecond. It was enough to make me go berserk. To be honest, this has never happened to me, someone touching me without my consent. It might have to do with me being very cold and distant person anyways for all my life. It sends the message "Don't come closer, unless I tell you to do so". I'm also naturally agresive, which sends also another message. Stay away from those places. People, regardless of gender, are usually too drunk to make sense. You can also get into a fight, or to start one which can make you lose friends for a good reason. And forget about men accepting you as one of them just because you tell them you are one. Show, don't tell. And don't trust anyone, even if they seem supportive, 'cause they can physically reduce you in half a second, and then you are... Yeah, f....ed, you know... Or even worse : They can kill you. Staying safe should be your priority number one, so... Stay safe, please (*hug*)
I appear very friendly and I am easy to talk to. And I am small and look very young. I guess people think I am easy to take advantage of. Straight men also still seem to think that I am attractive enough (I really want to grow a moustache some day). And I am always alone. Yeah, I should really stop going to bars. I don't go as much as I used to. Last time (before I went a couple of days ago) in a regular non-gaybar was 6 months ago maybe. If I go I should really just be quiet about my gender but it's difficult to just swallow it when I am called a girl and treated as one. I have been dealing with that for too long. You know how frustrating it is. If I have been drinking I can't take it. Maybe I have been lucky. vodkabaret, you are right about risks. I don't want to get raped, beaten up or killed. And I don't want to hurt people. I would be able to do some damage if someone tried to attack me but I really don't want to do that. I always have a knife too (I always carry some tools. You never know when you need them) but it would be horrible if I had to use it to defend myself. I could end up in jail for that kind of thing even if I stabbed someone who was going to kill or rape me. Going to bars alone felt a lot safer when I was presenting as a woman. People treated me better and sometimes men jumped to "protect" me even when there actually was no trouble or threat.
Dude, that sucks Here's hoping things get better :/ There are some assholes in this world. Do you tend to go out with friends? If not, it'd probably be a lot safer if you did, so long as they're people you trust
I am sorry for making generalisations. It's not ok to say that all straight men are out to grope everything that resembles human female. Most straight men are not idiots. I have tried groping myself but I just don't think that my moobs are that hot on me. :lol:
There is friendly and friendly, you know... Most men think that a girl acting friendly is a girl who likes them. They perceive you as a girl because of physical clues like breasts or hips, but also on social clues like the way you move or talk. This... You better accept it. Being friendly as a girl or as a man are different games. Observe how men interact among themselves and how they interact with women. As long as you are not passing 100% 24/7, you better avoid cis men, or be as dry as you can. It's for your own sake / safety. Yes, but that "privilege" comes at a price... Which is being a girl. If you grew up as a woman, you need to get used to men's ways. To allow somebody defend you it's unmanly : You are supposed to be able to defend yourself. You know, I'm not trying to start here a war, but I tell you what some friend of mine told me, which is that men are pigs, rude and wild pigs. I don't agree with it complety, but there is some truth there. Anyways, if you are a man, it's understood you'll become sooner or later a member of some pigsty. Maybe not a permanent member, but you will be there as long as you need to prove your manhood in front of other men. 'Cause we men need to prove what we are 24/7, for the rest of our lives.
I have NEVER heard of this bizarre kind of thing before. They're full of shit, scream and call the cops.
I never needed protection or wanted it but before it was easier to think that people defend each other if it's necessary. Yeah, it's not like that. I have put myself in dangerous situations for girls when they had trouble with men and I deal with my own trouble. It's just unsettling how hostile the world seems now. I got a pretty face. Small bones. No matter how manly I act my face and small frame always makes me look girly. I have a principle with that friendliness. I have noticed that people sometimes think I am interested in them when I am not. But I think that the world needs more light and friendliness. Maybe I am naive but I will carry on. I know this very often makes me look submissive. In a wolf pack there is always an omega wolf who is playful and friendly to everybody. It's often the same with people. I look like that. I know it. I grew up with people who were awful to each other all the time. I don't want to be like that. It is a principle but it comes with a cost. I really should stay away from drunken cis-men. ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2015 at 10:00 PM ---------- Maybe it's the culture in here. I really hope it's not that. I would like to think that we are better than that. I have heard about another transguy (from here) who experienced the same. I once groped one of them first (his moobs) but that just led me in trouble. Luckily his wife was there so he had some discipline.
Please be careful going to bars alone. I've noticed cis men don't really act 'friendly' towards other men, unless they know them well enough and women don't really act 'friendly' towards strange men unless they're interested in them.
