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Wanting to be more open about genderfluidity but scared of reactions to it

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by cakepiecookie, Mar 14, 2015.

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  1. cakepiecookie

    cakepiecookie
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    My thoughts are a bit a of jumble but I need to get this out somewhere so here goes.

    I'm in my early 30s and just in the last year or so, I've started to learn about non-binary gender and am realising that there are words that describe how I've felt my entire life.

    I generally present as pretty androgynous (I wear masculine clothing but also wear makeup and have shoulder-length hair) but tend to play around with gender and sometimes swing towards the more feminine or masculine end of the spectrum. "Genderfluid" is a pretty good fit for me, though I'm still struggling with the idea of identifying as anything other than cisgender given that I'm generally perceived as female. I know that presentation isn't the same as identity, but I still struggle with it.

    I reached a milestone yesterday. I was out drinking with a couple of friends and the topic of transgender and non-binary identity came up. Seeing as we were on the topic anyway, I figured I might as well just come out and say that I relate to the idea of being genderqueer and don't see myself as entirely female. I'd had a few drinks at this point and I'm not sure how well I got the point across, but they seemed to get it. One of them is a bi male and said that he'd struggled with gender identity as well, and had cross-dressed a lot when he was younger, so that was really nice to hear. He also said that we should go out some night and he'll really femme it up and I can butch it up. We were tipsy and I don't know him super well, so i'm not sure it'll actually happen, but I really appreciated the offer of support.

    I feel the urge to be more open about it in general but I also fear people's perceptions of it. Also, a lot of people just don't get it or aren't interested in discussing it, so I feel a bit weird about talking about it with people who don't care one way or another.

    How do you guys handle the question of coming out as gender non-binary? Is it something you feel like you need to be open about or is it enough for you to just know it about yourself without really discussing it? Any other input would also be greatly appreciated. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 cakepiecookie, Mar 14, 2015
  2. MonsterAnarchy

    MonsterAnarchy
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    i believe that im a non-binary gender and a few people say im a demigirl. I usually keep stuff like this to myself (or in EC) until it actually comes up in conversation, then i wont deny it (unless its my family).
    i really dont see my sexuality or gender as a huge deal. like, yes, im happy that i know more about myself, but im not gonna flaunt it. not that there's anything wrong with being proud and flaunting your gender, its just my personal reference. a cis guy doesnt have to say he's a guy, so why do i have to tell people that im a demigirl? i guess its more of a feeling equal thing. if i tell someone im a demigirl or "pansexual", i dont want them being like "oh! thats great! good for you!"
    no.
    just. no.
    i dont want it to phase anyone, whether its good or bad. i want people to know its normal, ya know? i dont want to be treated like im superior over straight male or female. i want to be treated equally, ya know?
    but thats just me. <3

    ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2015 at 09:09 AM ----------

    *preference
     
    #2 MonsterAnarchy, Mar 14, 2015
  3. cakepiecookie

    cakepiecookie
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    To clarify, I'm not talking about flaunting it (I'm not sure how one would do that anyway?) or thinking I'm superior, just being generally open about it, so it's not a secret and so that it's something I can discuss naturally if it comes up, you know?
     
    #3 cakepiecookie, Mar 14, 2015
  4. Nychthemeron

    Nychthemeron
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    I understand what you mean, even though I am not non-binary.

    I feel like this may have to do something with self-acceptance. It's very difficult to talk about it comfortably if you are not comfortable with it yourself. If this is the case, you may want to pass on being open for a while and simply try to come to terms with it first.

    By this, I mean being completely alright with being non-binary. What "completely alright" means is only for you to define.

    If it helps any, a genderfluid classmate of mine came out last year and the responses were not so bad. "That's kind of weird," the others said, "but cool." While it's not a good thing to be called weird, they didn't give the genderfluid kid any trouble about it. They did continue to use the kid's birth pronouns, but they told me they didn't care about that, so perhaps they told the same to the others.

    This was in the American Bible Belt, where a lot of people are pretty damn anti-LGBT+, so this was really surprising, in my case. It wasn't the best results, but it was decent. So, depending on where you live, it may be a better experience for you, especially since I feel like adults have more time to get their head out of their asses and stop being so prejudiced.

    But, I'm aware that there are still some iffy people out there, so if you do decide to be more open, be careful. Good luck, but only if you need it! =)
     
    #4 Nychthemeron, Mar 14, 2015
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