1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Do you think I made the right choice here?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Quiet Raven, Mar 14, 2015.

  1. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    So I finally found a place I can go for gender therapy. My councilor wrote out the referal, though he had me with him. I'll hopefully be able to make an appointment on Monday. But there is one thing that concerns me...

    On the referal, it asks for various general information. Name, gender, what I am hoping to get from them, ect. When it asked for gender, we were not sure what to put, exactly. I wasn't sure if it would be right to put female. I'm going there to see if I can get diagnosed with gender dysphoria and start transition... But putting female there now just didn't feel right... For some reason. So we didn't. I put "questioning".

    I told my councilor I wasn't sure if that would be a good idea though. Since I'm not questioning my gender, really. I truly feel like it is female... I know I want to transition... I need to... He said it is probably a good idea to write it there though, "maybe you are not questioning your gender, but you are questioning what you should write on that spot"... I guess.

    But... If they see " questioning " on there... Do you think that will complicate things? Will it be harder for me to convince them how sure I am, if they see that there? I could just tell them why we wrote it... It probably won't make a difference and I'm worrying over nothing. But I can't help but worry... I should have put female...

    I just really hope I don't have too much trouble with this... I need to transition...
     
  2. Juli

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2015
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Binghamton, NY
    I like the phrase "Sex is between your legs and gender is between your ears". If you're female, that's what you should've put. I'd suggest explaining that to this therapist, that you weren't quite sure what to put there but that you're female. You know you best! However, that might be something to discuss with this therapist. Do you think this is showing some kind of insecurity withing you?
     
  3. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Insecurities? Yeah, I guess. I just feel weird putting female on a document like that because I feel like isn't "official" until I get diagnosed with gender dysphoria.

    I know that is probably pretty ridiculous. But that is just how I felt. I can explain that to the therapist. They should understand... Right?
     
  4. RainDreamer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2012
    Messages:
    1,323
    Likes Received:
    0
    If they have been working with enough people, they should.

    I know that feeling at first. In the beginning, I tell various doctors and therapists that "I feel like a girl" "I want to be a girl" "I find a dissonance between my body and my mind", which while all of them are true, it was enough for them to ask me if I have any doubt about my transition. It took me a while, fighting against my security and depression, for me to get away from all of that and be able to tell myself "I am a girl."

    Don't try to get "approval" from others for what you call yourself. Be brave, and embrace your identity sincerely, then other will notice.
     
  5. Jellal

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I remember when they handed me the form at my therapist's office, with the check box for boy and the check box for girl. I checked in the girl box, but checked it in with a question mark.
     
  6. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Ah, yeah on this it was just a blank. I'm thinking what I probably should have done is wrote an F with a question mark or something at least... I was kinda thinking that earlier.

    I think I'm gonna go crazy with worry until my appointment. Not just because of this... But overall. And it's probably going to be a few month wait...
     
    #6 Quiet Raven, Mar 15, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2015
  7. Kalub Alec Ross

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2015
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WorldWideWeb
    I mean, what you wrote is what you wrote right? And since there's no going back and changing it, being terrified over it probably isn't the most mentally productive thing ever (I know I know that's so much easier said than done). But for now, try to not think about it. There is no way for you to know what this gender therapist will think of it until you meet them. If you feel yourself getting worked up about it, try to remind yourself that right now it's out of your hands and that at some point you will be able to explain.

    Like RainDreamer said, it can be hard sometimes to have the confidence/ability to say, even to yourself "I am [affirmed gender]." I don't know if that's the case for you, but I'd say that since this person is a gender therapist, they've seen all types of gender identities and all sorts of psychological positions (people who are 100% confident, people who have no idea what they are, people who don't know what they want to do, people who come in with an agenda and a time schedule, people who identify as any number of things) so I think they would probably get it if you went right in there and were like "hey so your form was pretty dumb" (in a nicer way obviously).

    I do think it's weird that a form for a gender therapist referral would say "gender" and that's it. I mean, isn't the point that you're "differently" gendered? So wouldn't it make more sense to have a "biological sex" question AND a "gender identity" question? Unless it was just a generic form?
     
  8. Michael

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2014
    Messages:
    2,602
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I think you made a good choice, and as they've said, what's done is done.
    Was it the first time you chose something different than male? Then maybe that will make you feel nervous. The question is what are you going to write the next time

    You can always say, you asked someone else and they suggested you to write "questioning", but that you are and fell female.

    Congrats by the way.
     
  9. Quiet Raven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia, Canada
    Yeah, it was just a generic form for that clinic, not specific to the gender therapist.

    Thanks. I do feel a little more relaxed now. :slight_smile:

    I tried to schedule the appointment today and they said call back on Thursday to schedule it... Bah. This is frustrating, lol.
     
  10. Kalub Alec Ross

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2015
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WorldWideWeb
    That is frustrating. It's like once you get a taste of it it's even harder to wait a few days. I know the feeling! Glad you're feeling a little better though.