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What Should I Do?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Covalent, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. Covalent

    Covalent Guest

    Joined:
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    Location:
    BC, Canada
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello, I'm a fourteen year old transguy and I need some advice on my current situation from some of you wiser/older folk.

    So, I came out as trans almost a year ago to my parents. My dad took it well, really well, actually. He makes every effort to accommodate me in my home. However, my mom was absolutely crushed. She went through all the stages of grief, and still doesn't care to use proper pronouns and not use my birth name. It's gotten so bad that she's misgendering me every time she speaks about me. Granted, I'm not out to the general public, but she doesn't even try using gender neutral pronouns. We were in public yesterday, and she called me and my sister 'girls'. And lately, the misgenderings have been sending me into minor or major panic attacks, depending on my stress. So, I started having a panic attack, and my mom asked me what was wrong and I told her that I don't like being called a girl and she replied with some bull about 'always considering me her little girl' and that I needed to go back to therapy because I 'needed to not be bugged about something like that'. That part really scared me, because it sounded like she wanted me to go to conversional therapy. And then i told her to drop it, but later in the car she just went on and on about how I will always be biologically a girl, and that she loves and cares about me. I couldnt stand to hear her talk, because i was going to go into another attack, so i just put my earbuds in and drowned her out.

    So that's basically what I have to deal with every day and it sucks so much. Unfortunately, because I'm only fourteen, I can't really take matters into my own hands. My dad is trying his best to work on my mom, but he doesn't really have much control in our house. Whatever my mom says is law. She's preventing my dad from calling me him and stuff, claiming that 'it's hurting her'. My dad doesn't realize that she can shove her transphobic beliefs in my face without panicking, but the minute something goes trans-positive, she apparently starts freaking out.

    Do any of you have any suggestions how I would go about dealing with my mother, or getting the help that I need (good therapy, diagnosis, binder etc.)?

    I'm also really hurting right now, it would be great to get a couple of hugs. :icon_sad:

    ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2015 at 08:39 AM ----------

    I also live in Oregon, for legal references.
     
  2. RainDreamer

    Regular Member

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    *hugs*

    Give your mom a little time. She is having a hard time accepting, and she still believe that there is still that little girl that she give birth to and raise up, and it is hard for her to just forget all that. Not saying that you shouldn't correct her, but just do it slowly and patiently. She is misguided, but she loves you and care about you, and that is still a good thing.

    You should go to a gender therapist with her, and have a talk. The therapist would help her understand somewhat. Just make sure she isn't the one choosing the therapist.

    Be patient, she is not a lost case unless you push her too hard and breaks her. You gotta show that, you are still the same. You are still her loving child, and everything about you have not change. It is just that, instead of a girl, you are a boy. You have always been a boy inside and it hurts to be in this body. And you just want to feel a little less hurt by have a mother who can accept you for who you are.

    Have your dad help you, just don't make it feel like you are all conspiring against her. No telling what a paranoid mother would do.