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Gender Identity and Expression A forum for support and advice about figuring out and expressing your gender identity. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 23rd Mar 2015, 08:32 AM   #1
Prince/ss
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Gender: Bigender
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Coming Out as Bigender

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So I recently found out that I was bigender. For a long time I felt...different. I switched from being girly and not being girly many times, but neither felt right long-term. For a while I considered being transgender and transitioning to male, but I didn't wan't to stop being a girl either, so for a while I thought I could be genderfluid, but realized I didn't feel like one gender yesterday and another the other day, I always felt like a boy and a girl at the same time. Not too long ago I found someone on a website who feels both male and female (but mostly identifies as male) and that's when I realized "wow..I feel the exact same way", but he never really explained what it meant, so I felt really stuck and confused until I looked it up and found out I was bigender.

Now that you know my story, here's what I need help with. I only started identifying as bigender about 2-3 days ago, but now that I know I don't want to identify as female, the pronouns are starting to bother me, and I want people to know, I want my friends and family to know how I feel. I wanted to know the best way I can come out to my friends and family.

Thank you
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Old 23rd Mar 2015, 07:08 PM   #2
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Re: Coming Out as Bigender

friends i find are easier to start with. i started with telling them my new name (if you have a new one) and then a little while later my pronouns (which are they/their btw). as for family, you can come out all at once or start with a family member you are most comfortable with
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Old 24th Mar 2015, 12:47 PM   #3
Prince/ss
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Re: Coming Out as Bigender

I came out to my best friend the day I found out what exactly it was, then to my boyfriend Friday (by that time I hand't figured out my pronouns yet). Sunday was when I decided to start using they/their/them and so I told my best friend and close friend yesterday about it, and at that time I also decided to tell them the alternate name I want, which is Wynter or Wynnie for short (preferably Wynnie, but I like both). I outed myself on FB too, which includes a lot of family and friends, though many people didn't see it, so I posted it again today.

I think I'm being a little too selfish, impatient, and such though cause my 2 friends used my real name, I know I have to wait for them to get used to it though and I should've said nicely "Wynnie please" to remind them, I'm just so shy and felt like it would've been rude.

In regards with my boyfriend. So far he understands the pronoun thing cause I explained and exampled singular "they". At first I wasn't gonna bother with an alternate name, but then I just felt my name was too feminine (even though it's gender neutral, it's more popular with girls). My request for being called Wynter/Wynnie was said in my post, which he saw, and I don't know if he decided to try and remember to call me that or not since he never said, so I guess I can't get mad at him for calling my my real name cause he's not use to calling me something else, just like my friends.

Hopefully it'll all work out in time though and all my awkward, uneasy, and unsure feelings will have passed.
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Old 24th Mar 2015, 03:32 PM   #4
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Re: Coming Out as Bigender

Hi Capn,
not sure how the pronoun issue can be resolved, just wanted to say I can relate to how you feel. In my case, the term 'androgynous' seems more fitting, but I wanted to say welcome, and that there are many other folks here as well, afaik, who also do not clearly or distinctly identify as either 'male' or 'female'; lucky us.
Damie.
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Old 24th Mar 2015, 04:38 PM   #5
Prince/ss
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Gender: Bigender
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Location: Florida
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Re: Coming Out as Bigender

Thank you Damie. Honestly, now that I think of it, I feel like a mix of bigender, androgynous, and genderfluid. I look female ultimately because of my body shape and features and a somewhat feminine face, but I can also have a masculine look to me when I dress like a guy, so I'm somewhat androgynous. I always feel like a guy and a girl at the same time and, if this makes any sense, it seems more like the genders are half mixed and half separate, so that's a bit of bigender and androgynous. Some days though I will feel more feminine while other days I feel more masculine, and according to how I feel each day is how I portray myself, so there's a bit of genderfluid. So all in all, the one thing I can definitely say is that I am not one gender; I'm not just female as I am biologically; I am both male and female.
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