Being genderfluid - your story: did you experience dysphoria?

I lean towards being male so I use the label transmasculine to put the emphasis on masculinity, but I am genderfluid and do still use that label to describe myself.

Being genderfluid means that my gender changes over time. It changes slowly but consistently (e.g. I'll spend about a week feeling male and then shift to androgyne for a few days, but never stay one gender for too long).

I started identifying as genderfluid about two years ago because I was experiencing intermittent dysphoria. I realized that there were some days when I was definitely not female and some days when I was perfectly comfortable being a girl. There were days when I looked in the mirror and saw a boy. There were days when I was happiest being referred to as she/her. There were days when my gender was decidedly neutral or I had none at all.

I definitely experience dysphoria. I don't feel comfortable with my chest and bind pretty consistently. My dysphoria has definitely been better since coming to college where I can present more masculinely and have people use they/them pronouns and a gender neutral nickname, but I know that if I did not have these things, I would be very uncomfortable with how I was seen. There are still days when I can't stand how feminine I look, no matter how hard I try.

 

I don't really consider myself genderfluid, but as someone who does not identify as male or female.

Anyway, to answer your question - I do experience fairly severe dysmorphia. I would prefer to present myself as more masculine (though I like to mix it up, too), and my body is extremely feminine shaped. However, my dysmorphia is generally restricted to my chest area. I bind when I can, although I have been having issues finding effective binders for my size and shape, which makes me feel like it's obvious I'm binding, which makes me even more conscious. Like darkcomesoon, I have days (most days, to be honest), where I just cannot stand how feminine I come across.