I posted a while ago about gender identity. I have been researching quite a lot, and generally thinking about my life. I have come to the conclusion that I am transgender. I get dysphoric - mainly physical dysphoria, but social also. However, I am not so sure about the reliability of that statement, considering my age. I have talked about this with my mom, and she says that I am not in a fit state to question my gender at this time, because of all the hormones in my body because puberty. So, #1, is she right, in your opinion? Also, I have read on most blogs and posts by transexual people that they have known since they were really little. Like, 3-5 or so. I can't remember anything from that age, let alone something as complex as gender. Even after that, though, I can't remember any thoughts about not being a boy. I always liked being stronger and able to pee standing up and stuff. I never experienced dysphoria then (I do a lot now). I can't even remember what I thought about gender at all, let alone that I was assigned the wrong one. I remember asking about gender differences, so I must have had some concept of it. So, #2, do I still qualify? Are these feeling sound? Continuing on from this, while I feel innately feminine now, I can't actually think of anything feminine about myself. I like "girly" clothes and makeup. I have long hair, which is fairly feminine. I liked excavators, and lego and computers. These are fairly boyish pursuits - almost all transgender people's vlogs say that they liked at least some girly toys and such. So, #3, does this mean anything? Is it relevant? Also, I have almost no female friends. I regularly talk to about 2-3. (Outside of lessons.) One who is a friend's GF. An other who is some kind of non-binary, but who doesn't like me enough to talk to me. She talks to me because she is friends with the aforementioned girl. And the other keeps flirting with me even though I don't want it. (I don't know why I say bisexual - I haven't thought about a girl sexually for years.) This just shows you what that situation is. So, #4, how do I become friends and nothing more with girls? And is it a thing that is needed to feel good about my gender? Popular culture has told me that they always want gay male friends, but I am not totally out at school. I live in a fairly homophobic area - a farming county. I feel kind of alienated from those groups of people because I am not totally OK with being out about my sexuality. I feel like they will just think that I am flirting, or trying to be horrible or something. Finally, the non-binary girl I mentioned is not out. I only know about that through friends. I have no idea how to broach the subject with her, and I don't think that she really likes me anyway. Her prefered pronouns are "she/her etc.", so I assume referring to her as female is OK. I don't want to offend her, or make her angry at the people who told me about this, so #5, should I talk with her about it? Would the common ground of gender identity be enough for her to want to talk to me about it? If anyone could answer any of these questions, it would be of great help. I will talk to my counselor about this (I have talked about it for a couple of sessions, but there is only so much time.) Also, I would like some alternate views on the subject. As nice as my mom is, or my friends are or my councillor is, they have never experienced these things. I would like an alternate view. Please. Thank you for your time. TLDR: Look at the bold bits.
So, #1, is she right, in your opinion? I definitely do not think she is right. If you reverse the roles, rarely would anyone ever question if a cis person (who knew they were cis) was actually cis, and that's why it angers me so much when people doubt trans people, saying that it's just a phase. My mom told me similar things, and that was a really low point in my life. Please do not ever doubt yourself based on what other people think you should be like. You have every right to be this way, no matter your age, and always remember, you're feelings are valid, and more importantly, you are valid. So, #2, do I still qualify? Are these feeling sound? Of course! There is no 'trans enough'. I have had these doubts before, and it really doesn't matter if you didn't know from a young age. You don't even need dysphoria to be trans, let alone know from a really young age. So, #3, does this mean anything? Is it relevant? I know it's really easy to stress about these things, but every person is so unique and has so many jumbled interests, it actually has no determining factor of someone's gender. A little boy can like barbies, while a little girl likes monster trucks, and if they identify as cis, that's what they are. In the end, it isn't really about your hobbies or interests, it's about how you feel inside and what you are most comfortable with for yourself. So, #4, how do I become friends and nothing more with girls? And is it a thing that is needed to feel good about my gender? I am a trans guy, and I hang out with almost 90% girls. You shouldn't worry if who you are friends with have anything to do with your gender, because they don't. :^) If you want to become just friends with girls though, you can just make it clear to them! If they think you are interested in them, you can just explain simply that you guys are just friends. (I am horrible with friend advice, I'm sorry! Maybe someone else can help you with that a bit more...) #5, should I talk with her about it? Would the common ground of gender identity be enough for her to want to talk to me about it? Hmm, this one is a bit harder to answer, but I would definitely say that if she hasn't come out to you, you probably shouldn't mention it. Maybe as time goes on, she will want to talk to you about it, and it's important to listen and understand, but if you bring it up to her, she may be confused and a little wary for you knowing if she hasn't come out personally to you. But, alas, I don't know her, so I wish you the best! I hope I can be a bit of a help! I am always open to chat if you ever need help again, because our experiences seem very similar! I wish you luck, and I hope your councilors will offer you the help you need! If you trust them, they are definitely a great resource, and have helped me loads. Have a great day!
Thank you for taking the time to answer! I really do appreciate it. Also, abou this person: I have talked to my sister (who is one of her friends) about it, and she says that the person is out. I guess she just tells people over social media, and I don't like to mix "IRL me" and "internet me". I will probably talk to her at some point - I'll just be tactful and wait. There is no rush, the way I see it. Again thank you for your time. (*hug*) (Also, for the record, I have one councillor. I just worded that sentence poorly. )
So, #1, is she right, in your opinion? No. That argument makes very little sense. Your male hormones are making you think you want to be a girl? Plus, at 15, puberty should be just about done with you. So, #2, do I still qualify? Are these feeling sound? Of course! I didn't show many signs when I was younger either. Sometimes, that's just how it goes! We're not any less valid or "not trans enough" somehow. So, #3, does this mean anything? Is it relevant? Not really. See, cis-girls can like those things too, but that doesn't mean that they're not girls. Trans people have added pressure to do stereotypical female or male things just because the're trans. It doesn't really make sense when you think about it. So, #4, how do I become friends and nothing more with girls? And is it a thing that is needed to feel good about my gender? The same way you'd make friends with guys, I'd imagine. I personally don't have that many friends, so I'm not really a good person to ask for advice about friendship I'm sure it helps, but I've come to terms with my gender without many friends. #5, should I talk with her about it? Would the common ground of gender identity be enough for her to want to talk to me about it? I know having someone you barely know have such a major thing in common with you makes it just the more painful that you just barely know them. Try to get to know her more as friends before you start bringing up gender. It's a pretty heavy topic to introduce yourself with. Anyways, it sounds like you could very well be trans, but I'll tell you what I tell everybody. Gender is a spectrum. It's very important that you keep exploring it. And if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm here. I wish you luck!
Thank you, AsheTheHuman! I see what you mean about my mom's "hormones argument". I guess she failed her A-level biology for a reason. And I am not sure if I am done with puberty - I have no facial hair yet (hooray), and some of my schoolfriend's voices haven't broken yet. I think her idea came from something I said a few weeks ago. We were talking about my gender identity, and I said that "I am probably non-binary in some way, but the effects that I am feeling could be adequately explained by higher levels of oestrogen." I don't know why I said that, because it is not true. So I guess I'll just have to talk to her about that. Thanks again for responding.(*hug*)
Sorry for the late response! No problem, and I wish you luck wherever things take you! Stay strong, and if you ever need to talk, I'm here
